The Day of Reckoning

31/08/08 has finally passed : My destination has been ascertained. Having missed out on a Comp Sc. & Engg. seat in College of Engg, Trivandrum by about 110 ranks, which, in my case is the equivalent of 3-4 correct answers, I must satisfy myself with what I've expected ever since my NIT dreams faded into oblivion following the rule changes. It's easy to complain that in view of new reservation for OBCs, NIT admission rule changes and the like being introduced for the first time in my very year, I've been royally screwed : But, in all fairness, that would be too lenient! My labour over the past 2 years has borne fruit, in truth, slightly dissapointingly, yet, hardly less than I deserved!

I do write this with a heavy heart, because I've seen the happiness that this 2nd allotment has brought all around me, with a majority of my friends attaining seats better than they hoped or expected! I know it's sinful to feel sorrow over others' joy, I know, but as much as I wish to deny it, there is a trace of envy in my heart. Though I may try forever to rid myself of them, I shall forever remain a slave to the flaws which make me all so human! In my heart of hearts, I will always have feelings which I wish not to have, but cannot control! I do wish my friends all the joy and happiness in the world, and all the success that they so richly deserve : there isn't, and never will be, any ill-will.......I just wish I had done enough to join them!

With that said, this is the start of a new journey, a new beginning! In losing the home field advantage and venturing forth into a new city, to a college I still don't know too well, I've taken a risk.....and a big one at that. But my path is chosen, my destination yet unknown, but the mini-voyages I must undertake within this journey are clear! I'd be lying if I said that I bear no fear in my heart, no apprehensions, no second thoughts......these are obstacles I've faced with regard to every decision I've made in my life thus far. Being a hesitant decision-maker, these tasks have never been simple or straight-forward, especially when the consequences may prove so grave to the life I lead.

Such a venture can never prove successful unless every vision of mine is painted in bright shades of optimism. To an extent, I will have to leave behind the past including the friends I've made along the way. Dealing with home-sickness is an arduous task, so to miss my friends the way I do at the moment would be painful, and would distract me from my very purpose of moving to Ernakulam. Though these few who I hold dear will remain at the back of my mind, I can't truly afford to centre my world around them anymore. Let's just hope that months or years down the line when we meet again, not too much would've changed within us to impede our conversation then! I'll have to build friendships to fill that temporary void that will develop, a situation I haven't faced for the last 7 years! One part of my life is over, and now, just as at the very beginning, I'm dependent on HIM for comfort, solace, and strength! May He guide me as he pleases, softening my falls and cradling me in His arms at my time of need, supporting me gently as I look to rise to greater heights!