The Last Lecture

An awe-inspiring lecture which I happened to come across on YouTube. This video was posted nearly 2 years ago. Prof. Randy Pausch was a teacher at Carnegie Mellon University. Diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, he was told that his time was limited! His last lecture is a gem, because it puts the world into such a broader perspective. It makes your own troubles and sorrows seem miniscule in comparison. It teaches you about the value of each passing moment of your life, and the need to chase your dreams! This lecture, though short in duration, teaches you an incredible lesson on how to live your life to its fullest, and to be more each day. To hear such a heartfelt lecture from a seemingly incredible human being is truly touching, and his final confession regarding the true inspiration behind this lecture will bring you to the verge of tears! Watch it, for it is bound to speak to you, just as it did to me!  

A Colossal Disappointment

Colosseum '08......the first inter-school competition ever held by STCS, the realization of a dream that we'd often appealed for, worked for, and yearned for, was granted to our juniors. On July 26th, our hopes of witnessing this event were dashed, thanks to the incomprehensible standpoint of the MTCES(Mar Thoma Church Educational Society) management, which runs the 3 sister schools of St. Thomas. A bizarre decision to ban alumni, and the imposition of incredibly strict and rigid rules on the event, went on to mar what those who witnessed it say, was an otherwise well planned programme!

Having reached school by 11 and pleaded with the Security Guards for a good 2 hrs to permit us inside the campus, if not for the event, then at least for our pass certificates, most of us left the venue with another bitter experience to add to the growing list we'd had over the latter half of our final schooling year! Even after my journey through those corridors has ended, the school keeps giving me reasons to stay well away from it! The abrupt and lousy farewell that we received could not have been ended in a worse fashion than the denial of entry into the school campus yesterday! Though my heavy heart did feel a great deal of relief that our teachers had tried their level best to work past the management directive and seek the principal's permission to allow us in, that relief was short-lived! We came to know later that several students from our senior batch jumped over walls into the school campus, and were allowed to stay on by the principal, who was apparently "impressed" by their "perseverance". Being considerate or respectful, I suppose, only gets you so far!

This post is not written with a sense of loathing or hate, but with an overwhelming feeling of frustration. I know that this very experience will appear to be of little significance, perhaps even in a week's time, for I seldom harbour negative thoughts for long periods of time! Through time, my ability to handle disappointments and to dissolve my grudges has improved greatly........I just fear that I may soon cross my own threshold for these setbacks, and be left with no reason to look back! Until then, come what may, STCS will forever harbour my fondest school memories!

The Peak of Cowardice

A combined total of nearly 22 low-intensity explosions within 48 hours, disrupting normal life in two important and highly vulnerable urban centres of the country : Bangalore, the IT Hub of the nation, and highly influential to its economic progress, and Ahmedabad, tortured by a history of communal violence! India is fast becoming a soft target for the world's scum!

The blasts are undoubtedly aimed at spreading terror and panic among the multi-cultural Indian society. Rather than attack the giant, blossoming tree that is this nation head on, they choose to attack its very roots.....the ideals of democracy and secularism. Though such incidents of violence seem to have become the norm in a world where vice comes with attractive labels ranging from "service to the community", "service to the nation".....or even more sickening, "service to God". I simply fail to understand how some people have the AUDACITY to declare themselves to be comparable to the right hand of God....ordained the power to judge other mortals and servants of God! With their narrow-minded, hateful vision of the world, they declare war on "blasphemers" and "disbelievers", all the time serving their prejudices, rather than any God! These are not men of religion, but dogs....vile,cruel,rabid dogs whose bloodlust defies logic. Their actions glorify no God, and serve no constructive purpose.

At times, I feel rendered near-passive by the frequency of such attacks. But this attack has driven away all such thought. For the first time in living memory, terrorists have targeted hospitals! HOSPITALS.......Of all the depths to which this human race has dropped in front of my very eyes, this is arguably the WORST. We are often confounded by documents highlighting the kingdoms of the past, where violence was far too common, dictatorship the law of the land, and peasant rights a distant dream. We wonder how people saw sense in trusting their land in the hands of a single family, how they accepted war as a means to glory, how they remained loyal to the very hand that crushed their dreams.........................But now, FAR more disturbing than any of these ridiculous concepts, is the "glory" and "honour" which these filthy, shameless cowards seek by attacking the very sanctum to which the sick, the wounded and the weary turn to for help! What "honour" do you find in causing burns to a cripple, gashes to the arm of a HIV+ child, and scars to the temple of a leper???....What "glory" do you find in destroying the lives of the diseased, who remain helpless to fight for them? The blood charting its course through my veins boils with rage at the thought of such vile, despicable creatures......if ever the rapture does occur, with every fibre in my being, I would pray that these sons of the devil be burnt in the fires of hell for eternity! The right hand of the Lord shall smite those who inflict pain upon his creations in his name and dare to pass judgement when HE alone, is entitled to!

Answering The Omnipresent Question

There are few topics which puzzle man as much as religion. My views on the subject have varied greatly with every passing stage of my life. The views I share today need not be the same I shall adhere to several years down the line. I believe one's understanding of this complex subject should never remain constant, but should evolve, similar to the physical and emotional evolutions which we undergo with the passing of time. A rigid, uncompromising view of one's faith causes only spiritual stagnation, and the rise of blind faith, irrational fervour and superstition.

I am a Christian(Marthomite, to be precise) by birth, and largely by choice as well. I am neither a regular church-goer, nor am I addicted to gospel music. I neither fancy large religious conventions, nor adhere to every religious custom as told to me by others. In the eyes of the world, I may appear a pretender, a hypocrit, or even an atheist......the clergy would probably foresee a future for me among the "eternally damned" ! These labels rest as light as feathers against my shoulders.

To my eyes, all religions are equal, not because secularism is among the favourite terms used by the educated class, but because I believe all religions are based on the same principle. All religions believe in the existence of a supernatural being, far beyond our understanding, one who gives life and takes it away, and one who judges us once Death wraps its cold, sinister claws around us. All religions believe that the people of the world are the creation of the Almighty, and as an inherent duty to their Maker, they are to follow guidelines of behaviour to live in civil society. In Christianity, these would be the Ten Commandments, the ten rules meant never to be broken by a true devotee. They form the backdrop of the morals we feel should be developed in every good human being.

Is God to be feared?? If your fear does not overpower your affection towards him, then it may strengthen your faith. Else, to fear your loving,forgiving Father would only serve to distance yourself from him! I, personally, fear the Lord, to the extent that my prayers are never half-hearted.....they are always true, and honest to the way I feel, and my faith is thus embellished! Do I believe in miracles or unearthly powers??? Definitely, because it would be arrogant to assume that there were no forces in this world beyond our understanding. Does God turn a blind eye to the heinous crimes we see today??? It is easy to blame the problems of today on a seemngly negligent God, as easy as it is to blame corruption and dishonesty on the government we help elect. The world we live in is governed by his rules, yet, what we do with it is our will entirely. Anarchy reigns supreme in parts of the world today due to our inaction, and our inability to control the powers He has granted to us. Yet, ultimately, our actions decide our fate during the final judgement! Do I believe in destiny, or a life that is scripted before it unfurls??? No, for the same reason I find claims of God's supposed "negligence" preposterous....The Lord gives us abilities with careful thought, hoping with due faith, that his children make best use of the gifts granted to them! Else, what is life??? Is it merely a re-enactment of a play directed by Him? Is it not, instead, a trial ground, a test to gauge the purity of your soul, and your ability to choose the higher path in times of turmoil?

To me, one's faith should serve the purpose of establishing a heart-to-heart connection with the One you decree as your father in heaven! If you truly believe in his existence, speak to him with an open heart, share your troubles and sorrows, and do your best to live your life as closely to his ideals as possible, then your faith serves a purpose. It is virtually impossible to avoid sin, yet, it is possible to regret,repent, and aim to improve. It is possible to strive each day to root out each undesirable quality in your character, and to yearn to be a better person. Your faith need not involve complex rituals, or unnecessary practices. When you are secure about your own faith, outward demonstrations of it are unnecessary.....after all, if God knows all and can truly read your noble heart, is it truly necessary to prove it through such gestures? The practice of attending Sunday Mass ( Friday prayers or temple visits to others) is, however, very important, for I believe bonding among people is as important as bonding with God himself. It promotes social harmony and unity, and is a healthy practice. I, myself, hope to inculcate this habit in myself soon......the only thing holding me back is laziness, and a tendency to sustain my practices from over the years. PRAYER, is however, the backbone of faith. It is only through prayer that you can truly communicate with God, and the more you ignore it, the more incomplete and meaningless life appears to be. A prayer need not be complex, or all-encompassing, but should only include what you truly needs to communicate......pray for God's forgiveness for the sins you would have committed, for God's strength to help you to never commit them again, and for guidance, that you may always do what is right!

The REWARD??? The sense of warmth and personal gratification which you feel, every time you fulfill a promise or lend a helping hand, is a blessing from God. There are times, when one is deeply troubled, when devoted prayer, for 15 minutes even, leaves you with a sense of comfort. You are filled with an unknown courage, a need to test the gifts that God may/may not have granted you. Above all, rather than groan about your misfortunes or the cruelties of life, you are left convinced that every experience serves a purpose, teaches you more about life and inches you closer to Him. A consistent prayer life can do wonders for your well-being, both physical and spiritual. It keeps you sane in the darkest of times, and serves as a beacon of hope that is never flickers even in the strongest of winds.

Rationalists belittle religion as an illogical means to fulfill a very human need : the need to feel protected when one fears to take responsibility for his own existence. If religion is properly interpreted, it serves the purpose of turning us into better people, by following the laws laid down by Him. If we were to understand and uphold the core values of our religion instead of immersing ourselves into the interpretation of its finest details, communal violence would cease to be a concern in our cities and towns. It becomes a plague upon society only when fervour is misguided by flawed interpretation of the good book, leading pious young men to the arrogant conclusion that they alone, understand its meaning, and are pre-ordained to carry out his judgement on a negligent and corrupt population! For men to consider themselves worthy to pass judgement on others is despicable, for it cripples the very basis of our faith!

It is my belief that each person must chart out his OWN journey back to the arms of the Lord. Rather than succumbing to societal pressures or the interpretations of a select few, one must broaden one's horizon to develop one's individual view of the world, and the objective of one's life! Your faith should bear meaning to you.....your fervour etrenched firmly in its roots, rather than in the preachings of others.

True faith need not conform to society's rules, but only to His rules!

San Revo '08 Highlights

Highlights of the mayhem that unfurled @ San Revo 2008. Though we didn't enjoy the event as much as we had hoped, some scenes remain vivid in the mind.

Video #1 : Chaos inside the auditorium as the raucous crowd shakes a leg to "Palavattom" playing in the background during the break.

Video #2 : Chaos outside the auditorium, as Ajith displays his driving skill!

Laugh Riot

Another reason to remember the friends I've been fortunate enough to make in STCS. I present 2 of the funniest videos i have come across, though only one was actually taken with the INTENTION of being a laugh-riot!

Video #1 : Is a home production by the pair of Sivin and Mathews, with Mathews in the lead role, re-enacting Salim Kumar's "Palavattom kaathu ninnu" frm the album Coffee @ MG Road.

Video #2 : Is a video taken of an impromptu dance by Aravind(a.k.a. "Hoochi") and Ajith outside San Revo!

New Beginnings

I realize that it's been a while since my last post....but the sole reason for this intermission in the grand never-ending saga of my life is simple : I'd rather keep my silence than bore others with tabloid-like day-to-day breaking news bulleting. Now that my destination is virtually set, I once again embark on my blogging mission. 

I cannot proceed without providing a brief recap of the happenings of the last month or so : 1) Vellore Institute of Technology(VIT) contacted me for its 2nd session of counselling, where seats in Electrical,Civil,Chemical and Mechanical branches were left unoccupied. An Electrical seat was assured, if not Mechanical. Yet, considering that in terms of both affordability and quality, CET held the edge over VIT, I chose not to attend. 2)The AIEEE counselling held on 7th July, 2008, proved to be a rude shock, and a bitter disappointment. With Electrical and Mechanical seats available only at Durgapur,Silchar,Agartala and Srinagar, besides the plethora of options available in several private colleges. Again, factoring in the simple truth that CET outshone each of these(except Durgapur), and also the distance involved, I chose to opt out of my choices, and wait to be informed of drop-out seats at my favourite colleges, hoping to perhaps steal an IT seat somewhere! As such a miracle is unlikely, AIEEE, for the moment, appears out of the question. The 1st allotment of Kerala CEE counselling has completed, placing me in Model Engineering College, Ernakulam, in my branch of choice : Computer Science Engineering! Given that my higher option is CS in CET, the last rank admitted being 325, rank 735's hopes are minimal, save for a miracle!

Barring the fact that one of two equally unlikely miracles occurs(though I do not doubt the Lord's power.....hehe), my destination is confirmed. In a few weeks' time, I shall leave home to a new city, to meet new faces, leaving old friends and old memories behind. Do I sound a bit detached?? It feels so to me too, for my feelings at the moment are hard to describe. MEC is a good college, but nowhere near what I had wanted for myself, yet the disappointment does not consume me! If anything, it has only focussed my mind, to study harder than I have in the past, lest I end up falling short of my goals! An inner child in me seeks to reach out to every memory I've held dear over the past 18 years, right from my years as a toddler in Andheri West, Mumbai, to my teenage life in Trivandrum. My attention now diverts to assuring that I have reminders of every step of my life, photos and souvenirs to bring memories back in droves every time I touch them! It now focusses on reliving the best moments of my life anyway I can, bidding adieu to my friends as gently as I can! I have lived a dream for 18 years, but I don't wish to wake up sooner than I need to. More than looking out for my here and now, I see this as preparation for the future, for I know for certain there will be challenging moments ahead, filled with self-doubt and yearning for the support of friends and family. At such a time, I'd need these souvenirs to tide me by! I shall miss them desperately, and I hope they realize it. I'm seldom outspoken and open with my thoughts, yet I hope, my silence should say all that needs to be said! ( I know you can't see, but a couple of tears are forming at the corners of my eyes as  write this....I'm such an emotional WIMP!) I know I'll meet them maybe even once a month, if I'm lucky, but, I guess I just can't help it! The time for re-learning the true value of the bonds I've built over the years is now! The time for mourning the passing of an era in my life...is NOW!

I do this, for when I step into my college campus on that fateful day, I want to be free : free of any deep yearning for what I've lost or left behind, free of any feelings of regret, free...........The coming years mark a landmark in my life. They will teach me values and morals which will shape the rest of my life. They will teach me self-reliance, dedication and preseverance! As I step forward to a new world, I want to bear in my heart, little other than immense enthusiasm. I may not have reached the college of my dreams, but I would've reached one from where I can write my destiny anew! I would've arrived in a city teeming with new opportunities, new areas to explore, and experiences to cherish. I shall, with God's grace, make new friends, perhaps as special as the ones back home, and Ernakulam will be my new home! I already have relatives in that city, more importantly, relatives whom I adore! I shall develop more skills, learn more about myself, with regard to my talents, my choices, my  and my own character. I will endure perhaps pain and suffering, but it will hopefully only strengthen my resolve to grow as a human being, and will add value to my young life! When the Lord closes a door, he opens a window for you to step into the light......accept the power to change and shape your destiny in your own hands, and it will be yours!

The Transition

The winds of change pass swiftly by,
Notions of stability left scattered in their wake.
Nary a moment to cherish a glimpse,
Of the Hallowed world one must soon foresake!

Darkness descends upon familiar horizons,
Waves of despair sweeping down with force,
Here, buried under the reddening sky of dusk,
Lies innocence, crushed by life's meandering course!

The future beckons, beyond the thin veil of uncertainty,
Urging,pleading me to test its waters.
The ties that bind, fading gently into oblivion,
No longer a bedrock for my frail shoulders!

Yet, hope flourishes, as does faith
In the One who, my prayers, does heed!
Men may stutter, fortresses of trust may fall,
Yet, he persists in my hour of need!

No destiny is foretold, no history pre-ordained!
The tome lies incomplete, ink left to spare.
Dreams yet nurtured in those wide, bedazzled eyes
Though lay within reach, find the author unaware!

Self-discovery, the zenith of life's journey,
Lies barely beyond the distant creek.
Long and treacherous the path may be
But fortune seldom favours the meek!