Updates from MEC

This post comes to you from within Computer-Centre 2 here at MEC. Hostel life for the past 2 days has been fine, and a welcome change from the montony of days gone by. With more to do for myself than usual, the freedom and independence is sort of liberating. Washing clothes is still a drag, but I havent washed my uniforms yet, only my "personal" items!

As far as ragging is concerned, no real untoward incidents have yet occured, though I presume they might in a while : even though we were told on the day of admission that MEC is free of such problems! It's a fact of life in almost every government hostel, and as far is it remains healthy, it is to an extent, beneficial, as it is the only manner in which seniors and juniors ever get to interact or know each other. It is, after all, a bit much to imagine 2nd or 3rd years to befriend 1st years from the outset without knowing a damn bit about them, and the same applies vice versa.

My two room-mates, Nikhil and Sebin, seem to be good guys : at least we seem to share a few of the same interests (Nikhil's a Chelsea fan....hehe....in my world, they seem hard to find!). Nikhil's from Guruvayoor, a P.C. Thomas product, whereas Sebin's from Changanasheri. Access to Orkut is blocked at the College Computer Centres, Yahoo Messenger is non-existent, and Facebook profiles take an eternity to load, so my only contact with my friends back home might be the "outdated" practice of e-mailing once in a while! Orkutting may resume at a rate of 2-3 times a month once I discover the nearest cyber cafe! I also plan to change my mobile soon, and get a BSNL connection, as it seems to be the only provider having decent coverage in this rural part of town!

Classes are moving at a monotonous pace : most subjects haven't yet been touched, and the endless introductions make 7 hours at college seem like an eternity. Hopefully, once teaching begins in earnest, and assignments and portions our thrust our way, the monotony will dissipate.

Homesickness hasn't yet gripped me, but I will return to Trivandrum on the night of the 7th if all goes to plan! A week before is also a possibility, but until then, nothing seems likely.

Au 'Voir for now, but keep in touch!

Red-Letter Day

Titling my posts nowadays seems a chore I have little patience for, so pardon the obscure heading. I played the role of a host to a party for 10 of my best friends at my house yesterday. Of course, farewell parties here don't mean quite the same as elsewhere : rather than the one leaving (ME) being treated to a send-off, I basically had to sponsor the festivities. No complaints, however, since it's something i don't often do. Given that my home is so far away from everyone else's , inviting them over had always been difficult, which is why next to none knew the actual route! Having planned the meet in a rush of madness while away at Pathanamthitta, I had barely 2 days to prepare for the party.

The guest list was finalized and 13 boys were short-listed, since I couldn't afford to host any more all at once! I didn't invite any girls for 3 prime reasons : a) I am friends with a few, not many, hence I doubt that many would have accepted the invitation. b) Being pretty far from their homes, their coming was unlikely anyways. c) Finally, as I've seen on many occasions in the past, when girls and boys, at least from my school, meet up in equal or significant numbers, they tend not to mingle. My hands, hence, seemed tied. It's only fair to me I suppose : I've never been that open to too many girls, and hence I have very few to truly claim as friends. To those who weren't invited, regardless of the gender, I apologize, and u can give me an earful the next time we meet!

I picked up my friends from Vattiyoorkavu at 12-30, most of them having arrived by 2-wheelers, adjusted uncomfortably to seat 3 together. After leaving them in charge of my house for a while to pick up the food, I rejoined them and chatted till Mom sounded the lunch call. My parents were delighted to be hosting my friends, a privilege I'd denied them for years thanks to our location! With Ajay, Hrithwyk and Renjin unable to attend, only 10 could appear at my house in the end, two of whom, were fasting as the month of Ramzan is upon us. That left me with food for 15, but only about 11 mouths to feed. The food was good, only furthering my opinion of the highly under-rated Amer Restaurant situated near Vattiyoorkavu Jn. After a feast consisting of porottas, fried rice, chilly chicken, beef fry, aloo methi, salad, and fish cutlet, of which the last 3 were home-made, we settled down for some desert in the form of caramel custard. Another couple of hours passed by as Akram was kept busy with intermittent calls and the rest of us chatted away about our respective colleges and branches, films, music, cars and bikes, and a variety of other issues. The terrible twosome(or dynamic duo : depending on your point of view), Najad and Nashad joined us after lunch. As my friends began to leave eventually at around 4-15, Adi,Nash,Akram, Najad and I headed to Jacob's house straight afterwards, as he'd been scheduled to leave for Karunya Institute the same night. Another half an hour passed by there chatting away about his hostel experiences and the San Thomites he has for company (not the cream of the crop by any means).

It was a very satisfying day, personally, and a nice way to round off one part of my life. Not because I'm willing to let them fade away from my memory, but rather because it makes the pain of separation all that more easy to bear. After all these years, I know that there are a handful of people who still care enough to bear me.....hehe.....I know this sounds a bit silly, but no matter how good a friend you are or try to be, it's always comforting to be reminded that the feeling is truly mutual in some cases. Farewell, my friends!

Carnage knows no limit!

Such posts, I realize, have begun to sound far too run-of-the-mill in the passing years, and though some bloggers would rather avoid such posts in the fear of boring their readership to death, I have my own resons for doing them, which I shall reveal later on in this same post!

A series of 5 serial blasts have rocked India's capital New Delhi, claiming 20 lives and injuring another 90 civilians in the process, according to current data : the figures, as you can perceive, are bound to change in the next 48 hours as several of the injured battle for life in various ICUs across the city.

I have gone to great lengths in previous posts to outline exactly how I feel about such mindless carnage, but the world seems intent on making me repeat myself : so I choose to focus on a parallel issue of the same ilk ! India is fast becoming a soft target for terrorism, and bomb blasts in metros no longer draw shock. After every such cowardly act, people in the media praise the population of the affected city for carrying on with their daily lives with utmost normalcy, and for "striking a firm blow to the miscreants looking to disrupt our daily patterns". Mumbai, in that regard, appears to be home to the country's most courageous people, followed closely by places such as Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Hyderabad, New Delhi and Varanasi. I have the deepest regard for people of these cities, but with all due respect, is it bravado that draws them back to their workplaces, or is it necessity?

The answer is simple : for 99.9% of this population, it is NEED! We simply cannot afford to live in fear in these competitive times. There is no alternative : living in fear in the sanctity of your home translates to hunger, and poverty! It's what drives everyday citizens in countries such as Afghanistan and Iraq to go on with their lives inspite of the frequent surges of violence. How do you expect India to be any different? I'll tell you what scares me most though : The fact that more and more people across the spectrum have come to ACCEPT it as a part of their daily lives. Yes, there is a need to restore normalcy as soon as possible after such meaningless acts of violence by fundamentalist psychopaths arrogant enough to believe that they read the Lord's intentions as clear as the night sky : but to be indifferent is to sacrifice our very humanity. The media is, to an extent, responsible for the growing apathy we observe among the masses. There are only so many times that a story can be recycled over and over again by an abundance of news channels before the viewer starts to lose interest. The outrage lasts only for a day, because the media itself is, for lack of a better term, ruthless, in its make-believe sympathy : delivering perhaps a couple of days of uninterrupted, repetitive coverage of an attack until the viewer is so disinterested that he'd prefer to watch an RGV Ki Aag for a second time......before moving on to stories of tiffs between film stars and UFO sightings and other inconsequential stories which seem to have greater appeal! No sincere follow-up is ever done : no detailing of the aftermath of these acts, no directives to the common man to help cope with such attacks, and identify miscreants who dare to plant bombs in broad daylight.

I write this post with a heavy heart. Not only has innocent blood been shed for the most illogical of reasons, but the soul of the country is itself perhaps withering away. The death-knell to my hopes was sounded by a political expert on one such channel, who dismissed the significance of this attack to the elections to be held in the city in 2 months' time, explaining simply : people have short memories. As part of the city reels under the after-shocks of the explosions, the other resumes its daily pattern, unaffected, and simply unconcerned!

I sincerely deny that I am a "holier than thou" sort of person. To an extent, the same apathy reflects in my own reaction to the blasts. My first concern remained the safety of my brother and my aunt living in the city : with their safety assured, the misery will probably fade within another 72 hours or so. Today, it seems terror fails to grip us unless it strikes DIRECTLY home, rather than close to it. Now, to why I really wrote this post : another 10 years down the line, when I would have a job, perhaps a family, and probably enough responsibilities to override any commitment I feel to my fellow man, I want to look back.......look back and see that there was a time when I DID care, there was a time when such incidents made my blood boil, and my heart race! I want to remember what it felt like to truly be human....My biggest fear, today and forever more, is to be swept up by the tide of indifference and inhumanity that's been gathering strength across the world with every passing year! You may call me an eternal pessimist or a "doomsday-prophesying maniac" for airing such views, but I'm only spelling out the misery and destruction I see all around me...only because I CARE to see, unlike many others! There is yet a fair deal of good in this world, but it is eroding fast, and will soon disappear completely, unless we introspect, and judge each other as harshly as our Lord himself would at the hour of judgement. I am no saint, but with the parents I have, I am obliged to be the best person I can be : and ten years down the line, I hope to still live up to that obligation!

Road Trip

I've only just returned from a 2-day visit to Pathanamthitta and Kozhencherry to meet my only surviving grandparent, and my uncle and family. The trip was an awesome learning experience, and the first time I'd had to spend only one of those tiresome travelling hours in the passenger seat. It was a refreshing experience, as I was able to test my endurance and concentration for the first time. Driving had been a pleasure to me for a long while, until a minor scrape near my home ended up deflating my confidence! Since then, my attitude towards driving has changed slightly : whether due to that particular incident or the loss of that feeling of novelty, I can't say. Going into the trip I had my share of self-doubt, but gladly, I surpassed my own expectations. I drove much for nearly 3/5ths of the way there, and brought us safely home after a 4-hr long drive today. My concentration didn't waiver : the music helped sustain that rhythm. My confidence grew with every passing minute, so much so that I dared to fool around every now and then (the old "look mommy, no hands", "what's the time?" and "tabla on the steering wheel" gags) to make the minutes passing by seem less monotonous or repetitive.

Having survived my own driving, I'm glad to say the confidence is back, and now firm enough to take on any challenges I face on city roads! Even though my license has been valid for more than a month, the practice I've had with my own Alto has made me far more self-assured and confident behind the wheel than before! Next Mission : To practise riding a 2-wheeler, which I hope to do in my first year of college, courtesy some of the friends I might make @ my hostel!

I've tentatively laid out plans for a farewell party to be held at my house for my friends. The guest list is ready, and almost everyone, I believe, is available. Having to leave on Tuesday evening, I've scheduled the party for Sunday afternoon : not only will it serve as an occasion to eat and chat for hours on end in a manner I may never again be able to, I'll also get them acquainted with my parents and allow them a rare tour of my home (not that it's an architectural marvel by any means.....it's rare due to its distance from the city!). I hope the plan comes to fruition, though many of the invitees are as yet unaware of key details(including whether or not they're invited!:D)......there is only so much I could accomplish after reaching home @ 9:30 pm. To whoever reads this blog (as if anyone ever does) and is bitterly disappointed at having missed the gathering (...yeah RITE! :D), I offer my deepest regrets : last-minute plans are seldom well-thought out!

If all goes as planned, I shall have a final lazy afternoon to cherish and preserve in my photographic folklore, before I attempt to essay a new era in my yet uncharted life in a new city!

A Musical Sojourn

Among the many changes that the last 2 years have so relentlessly induced in me, is the topic I address in this post! I began life in Std. XI with several motives : among them was to explore my own limits, and to test the waters in any and every possible way I could. Among those, was music. As a music addict, and a passionate bathroom singer (neighbours in 3 cities can attest to my prowess in that field!), I'd always had a hidden suspicion that perhaps, I had an iota of vocal ability. This notion of mine had barely ever been affirmed or encouraged by any of my family members, or even my friends(except for maybe a couple of occasions)....there had been hints along the way, but unassuring in nature. Regardless of my fears, I decided to follow that road, willing to accept whatever result it brought!

An Inter-House Group Song Audition, and a 1st prize later, I was performing in inter-schools around the city. Granted, that I was in a group, and in no ways solely responsible for their success, but I had my own indiviual success in the midst of it : For me personally, it was fulfilling to simply BE there....the rush, the thrill and the excitement I felt every time I stepped up before an audience was truly unbelievable. I am, by nature, slightly introvert, and always suspected that I had stage fright. Yet, being there always felt comfortable, and the roars, cheers and jeers of the crowd energized me to the same extent!

Though the vocalists with whom I performed changed, songs changed, and costumes changed, my partner-in-crime remained the same : Sidhartha was always known to me as a talented keyboardist, but this was the first time I could truly acknowledge it first-hand! Behind the scenes in every one of our rehearsals were hours of mindless jamming where we practised every song we could think up, except the one we actually had to perform! We used breaks in regular practice to play our favourite tunes : KK's songs dominated our charts, and Shaan and Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy featured one a couple of occasions.....it was one of those rare times when I felt truly unrestricted, and free to express myself! I felt liberated.....free of whatever boundaries I had drawn for myself in my mind, and perhaps it is this very emotion that calmed me down even seconds before moving up to the stage. More than fear of embarassment, it was the urge to feel the electricity in the atmosphere in the auditorium that consumed me!

"Aadat", a song by Jal which we performed for the farewell party organized for our senior batch at school, was perhaps one of the toughest and most rewarding experiences of my life. The initial few practices had been so frustrating, and nerve-wrecking, that the doubts which had crept into my mind while deciding the song, were only FURTHER embellished! As the days went by however, practices got easier, and we truly began to enjoy ourselves. Towards the end of our 5-day odd practice, we already felt aptly rewarded for our work, and the friendships that had seen us embark upon this challenge had only strengthened as a result! We pulled it off well, and Sidharth, my fellow vocalist and great friend, surprised one and all. Sid, in all honesty, I believe has a voice that I believe is far better than mine, and certainly with greater scope for improvement, given the right coaching.

Along with the minor successes came dreams of forming a TRUE band, with original compositions and self-styled vocals. Tentatively named "ALTITUDES", it hasn't ever truly passed the conception stage : you could argue why we even bother calling it a band! Perhaps it's only to soothe my ego, even I have no rational answer to that question : but in all honesty, I had every bit the band experience I'd have wanted from a professional one! Yes, we goofed off at times when we should've been more focussed, and perhaps we could've been in a better position today. Fame and fortune were never my aim, there was only a desire to create, if possible, an album that we could cherish as a treasured souvenir, to help us cope with the struggles of an often robotic and emotionless life! No doors have been shut yet, so the hope still burns.......if anything, I've only gained from the experience : valuable friendships and a potful of memories!

I fully realize that this post risks being labelled as the work of a self-indulgent ego-maniac (which I believe I'm not)! I cannot help but acknowledge those events and moments which have sculpted me into the being that I am.....and the "ALTITUDES" are foremost among them! I am, and, unfortunately, will probably always remain a slightly above-average singer! The years I've wasted in my childhood when I could've read the signs a little earlier and sought vocal coaching still haunt me! I have, however, come to accept that my life will remain incomplete without music, and so have vowed to learn to play the guitar and the harmonica well before I mark my grave! To have lived the dream of every urban youth in the country for 15 minutes, even in relative anonymity, is a gift for which I will remain thankful to the Lord for eternity!

Hail Manmohan!

The Indo-US Civilian Nuclear Agreement has attained a clean waiver from the NSG, with many in the country hailing the Prime Minister for sticking to his guns, and others labelling it as the surrender of our sovereignity! I don't claim to know all there is to know about the deal, but here's how much I've gathered so far :

The Nuclear Deal is set to enable trade in nuclear fuel between the US and India. Though the prime motive behind this deal is to ensure consistent fuel supply, there appears to be a difference in interpretation between the two governments with regard to testing. India does not wish to surrender its right to test, for namesake that it may need to in the future. FACT : A voluntary moratorium was signed after the tests in '98 by Prime Minister Vajpayee, seeing that no further tests were required : India had already the necessary expertise to generate nuclear weapons if the times called for such measures. It is this very same BJP that argues today that we need to maintain that right, which they'd chosen to voluntarily place on the backburner indefinitely. My simple question : WHY?? For a country that already has the required knowledge, and supports the cause of de-nuclearisation and disarmament, why would tests in the future be necessary, if not to make weapons even more sinister than the ones existing??? What crime would justify the kind of havoc that nuclear detonations wreaked on the towns of Hiroshima and Nagasaki 63 years ago? Has the world not come to its senses that weapons of such potential should never be considered an option, regardless the scenario? Even in the face of whatever hell Pakistan chooses to unleash in desperate bids at destabilising the country, would/should we EVER consider the nuclear solution?

FACT : The NSG Waiver enables India to undertake nuclear commerce with the US, as well as other suppliers such as France and Russia, to create a stable supply to our generators! Regardless of whether the US opts to cut off supply IN THE EVENT of a NUCLEAR TEST, commerce can still be continued with other nations, if independent deals with them are negotiated! India has a very limited deposit of Uranium, and hence, internal supply in itself, cannot be sustained for long!

The naysayers to the deal make the following claims :

1) Nuclear Energy, in China, accounts for 6% of the total energy output. Energy security can never be attained through it. ANSWER : Aiming to increase our capacity in one alternative source of energy is better than none at all. 6% of India's energy need is still a significant amount, and will give India the kind of cushion required to develop other, still cleaner sources.

2) India's sovereign foreign policy has been compromised. ANSWER : The 123 Agreement does not mention an immediate cease to fuel supply in case India conducts a test, but states that the decision will be discussed over a period of a year, taking into consideration the circumstances that may cause India to take such a drastic step. As a test seems unlikely, even this clause may never truly come to bear significance!

Let us consider the rammifications of this deal on the political scenario of the country. The Congress and the UPA have not garnered the trust of any vote-bank by this victory : the Nuclear Deal is low on the priorities of the common man. Over the past several months, it has given the Opposition a chance to criticize every aspect of its policies, an opportunity which they've accepted with open arms! What would the Congress have to GAIN by misleading the country? To me, the answer is clear. The past year has been little but a political charade on the part of the Opposition, attempting to crush the valour and spirit of the only true visionary left in the political establishment today! The Opposition has resolved to petty mud-slinging, calling the deal Anti-Indian for deceiving the nation, Anti-Aam Aadmi for ignoring the common man's plight in pursuit of the deal, and even Anti-Muslim for establishing nuclear trade with the US! The Opposition, being the minority in the House, represents neither of these three constituencies of which it speaks! The truth, is that the Prime Minister and the Government have gone against their better political instincts and backed a deal which they realised will benefit the nation in years to come, but might cost them the next General elections. They've dared to tread a path filled with persistent Opposition thorns, but persevered! The Prime Minister, particularly, deserves acclaim for the integrity and dignity with which he has held his post, even in the face of some truly despicable remarks from the Opposition about the devaluation of his post in the past 4 years! This deal will do a lot more good to our young democracy than bad! To you, Mr. Prime Minister......JOB WELL DONE!

An MECian, I'll Be !

The day has passed, when my future for the next 4 years was written in stone. I had my first formal glimpse inside the halls of Model Engineering College, Thrikkakara, on the 5th of September, 2008. Arriving at 9-30 a.m., we were greeted by a short speech by our Principal Prof. Suresh Kumar. He highlighted the many reasons why we should look forward to the coming 4 years of our lives, pointed out what makes MEC stand out among engineering colleges in Kerala, or even India. There have been several studies conducted by different magazines and independent media sources claiming that MEC is among the top 3 colleges in Kerala, a fact that our Principal gladly repeated to us! Following his speech, was a brief address by the student members of the Placement Cell of MEC. Our seniors spoke well, and to an extent, helped wipe away some of the doubts that had lingered at the back of my mind. Following the address, we were drawn away to separate classes based upon our respective branches, and then divided into 2 batches within each branch. The faculty seems hospitable, and the general atmosphere around the college seems very conducive to learning. Far from the strict school-like environment I had imagined, the college seemed to have a far brighter, energetic feel! The extra-curriculars in the campus seem promising as well, with a host of clubs to express your every talent. Their Technical Fest, in particular, I hear, is almost as good as IIT-Madras' 'Shaastra'! Such signs bode well for the coming years!

I realize that empty rhetoric comes naturally to the staff of most colleges on such occasions, and I know not to get overwhelmed by all that I've heard. Here, is what I know : MEC was set-up as a model for other govt. colleges in the state. Over the last 4 years, it's infrastructure has VASTLY improved, with nearly 4.5 Crores being spent in the process. It is funded by TEQIP, which means that these very facilities shall improve further as the years advance. Along with the boost in infrastructure, the placements have increased significantly. A majority of the best known software companies, home and abroad, have made an appearance @ the campus over the last 2 years. Yes, the college is smaller than most colleges in Trivandrum, and visually unimpressive, but statistics do not lie. It is the most sought-after government college in Ernakulam, and surprisingly, most students I met there had ambitions of joining MEC ever since they began studying in the 11th. A reputation of that sort isn't easily built. Of course, being a far newer college than others, the direction in which it moves depends greatly on the Principal and the management. But overall, in my estimation, the POTENTIAL for growth of MEC is unmatched by any other college in Kerala! It has come a long way in a very short span of time, and God willing, should soldier on forward!

Yes, at the moment, I could imagine myself being in 'n' different colleges, but as yet, I haven't been given any reason to believe that a B.Tech degree from MEC would do anything other than add value and belief to an as-yet fledgling career. Inspite of how good/bad the faculty turns out to be, a little extra effort will ensure that I get to talk to the companies I need and intend to!

Bidding Adieu

There are only so many words you can reserve for an essay summarizing the last 7 years of your life. I realize that much of the material may sound repetitive : fragments of it having been stated at one time or the other during my blogging foray. Several parts of it might seem cliche, predictable,unconvincing, and a variety of other things that are unintentional on my part. I have never spoken about anything in this blog that I haven't truly felt, experienced or believed in, though I do admit hiding certain details surrounding my life in the interest of those who help shape it!

By nature, I am an emotional person. Though I may try to project the opposite image at times, I am, deep at my core, incredibly sensitive. I'm proud of who I am : I may be flawed, but I accept them...for the very qualities which seem flaws to some, may seem attractive to others! Judgement is only absolute when handed out by the Creator!

I arrived in STCS a haughty, self-obsessed, innocent, and highly immature geek. Some may still argue that I'm a geek, and I wouldn't deny it either. I was slightly introvert, and always had a hard time making friends anew. The language barrier I faced when I returned to the place of my birth didn't help. I bore the brunt of many a joke, and that only worsened my problems. Inspite of my flaws, I made a fair few friends. Among them were Alok, Prithvin,Aditya, Rahul, Ron and others. They made me feel at home in a land where I still felt I didn't belong. In 8th Std, I met Akram, and I'm glad to say we've been thick friends ever since. It's not always been a smooth ride between us, we've had arguments, we both have habits that irritate the other, we've both given the other our share of bad advice...but still, as a person, I know he has more integrity than most, even if he has flaws. I hope we remain friends for more than these past 5 years. In the 9th and 10th, when I finally began to acclimatize to the environment around me, I made more friends. While the bonds of the past remained strong, I formed new, nascent bonds of friendship with others...Sidharth, Nandu, Aravind, Nashad, and several others. But to be honest, none of these became truly strong until my final two years in school. As tuition-mates as well as classmates, the walls began to break away, and these friendships solidified with time. New friendships arose where there had been none. Most notably, I managed to shred my introvert nature to an extent, befriending girls who I began to see in a new light only because I had never wanted to in the past.

I speak of these friendships not because they are a testament to my likeability. I speak of them because they go a long way to show that no wall, no matter how intimidating, is impregnable! Inhibitions had always existed on both sides when each of these relationships had begun, but by crossing our own comfort zones, they dissolved away. My friends have taught me that the only walls blocking my path are the ones I create for myself....that if I'm willing to shed my inhibitions and let them, friends shall be found in any corner of the world I desire! I've learnt to live my life in such a way that I need never look back upon my past with regret. These bonds are far stronger than any I've made in my previous schools, and the hesitation I feel the day before I leave for college is the truest indication. The reality sinks in that I cannot yearn for what I can no longer have.....there will be periods where these bonds will be strained due to the lack of contact....the weakest will disappear entirely....and hopefully, a few will survive. Prayers can only take you so far, but mine will remain with all of them.....To you few, I tip my hat in gratitude for 7 years of memories!

Stand by me even when our worlds seem far apart............

"Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost"

The Day of Reckoning

31/08/08 has finally passed : My destination has been ascertained. Having missed out on a Comp Sc. & Engg. seat in College of Engg, Trivandrum by about 110 ranks, which, in my case is the equivalent of 3-4 correct answers, I must satisfy myself with what I've expected ever since my NIT dreams faded into oblivion following the rule changes. It's easy to complain that in view of new reservation for OBCs, NIT admission rule changes and the like being introduced for the first time in my very year, I've been royally screwed : But, in all fairness, that would be too lenient! My labour over the past 2 years has borne fruit, in truth, slightly dissapointingly, yet, hardly less than I deserved!

I do write this with a heavy heart, because I've seen the happiness that this 2nd allotment has brought all around me, with a majority of my friends attaining seats better than they hoped or expected! I know it's sinful to feel sorrow over others' joy, I know, but as much as I wish to deny it, there is a trace of envy in my heart. Though I may try forever to rid myself of them, I shall forever remain a slave to the flaws which make me all so human! In my heart of hearts, I will always have feelings which I wish not to have, but cannot control! I do wish my friends all the joy and happiness in the world, and all the success that they so richly deserve : there isn't, and never will be, any ill-will.......I just wish I had done enough to join them!

With that said, this is the start of a new journey, a new beginning! In losing the home field advantage and venturing forth into a new city, to a college I still don't know too well, I've taken a risk.....and a big one at that. But my path is chosen, my destination yet unknown, but the mini-voyages I must undertake within this journey are clear! I'd be lying if I said that I bear no fear in my heart, no apprehensions, no second thoughts......these are obstacles I've faced with regard to every decision I've made in my life thus far. Being a hesitant decision-maker, these tasks have never been simple or straight-forward, especially when the consequences may prove so grave to the life I lead.

Such a venture can never prove successful unless every vision of mine is painted in bright shades of optimism. To an extent, I will have to leave behind the past including the friends I've made along the way. Dealing with home-sickness is an arduous task, so to miss my friends the way I do at the moment would be painful, and would distract me from my very purpose of moving to Ernakulam. Though these few who I hold dear will remain at the back of my mind, I can't truly afford to centre my world around them anymore. Let's just hope that months or years down the line when we meet again, not too much would've changed within us to impede our conversation then! I'll have to build friendships to fill that temporary void that will develop, a situation I haven't faced for the last 7 years! One part of my life is over, and now, just as at the very beginning, I'm dependent on HIM for comfort, solace, and strength! May He guide me as he pleases, softening my falls and cradling me in His arms at my time of need, supporting me gently as I look to rise to greater heights!