Updates

After another unplanned break, I'm back blogging, God knows for how long and how often, because to be honest, I'm tired of making promises that I can't keep!

Life's gone on well. 4th semester university exams are on the horizon and I'm spending the study holidays fruitfully by sleeping, eating, blogging (well, at least now I am), watching TV and in a couple of days, meeting up with old friends! The B.Tech syllabus might seem pointless to some but I thank it sincerely for providing me with at least one valuable trait : time management! Though in the conventional sense this might seem like a contradiction, given the earlier sentence, I've managed to understand exactly how much time (as a rough estimate) I require to efficiently cram my brain with knowledge I need for the short term, but which may not serve any long term benefit. I've always known that I have a threshold of suffering that I can endure when it comes to subjects that don't matter or subjects that I hate (usually the two go hand in hand), so all I had to do was know how long it takes me to fool my mind that I like those very subjects.....the answer comes to me as about a week at most! So that's why the plan to delay my 'study leave' till a week or so before the exam : Not much of a plan maybe, but it hasn't failed yet! As they say, when it isn't broken, why fix it?

Went to Ragam, NIT Calicut's Arts Festival a couple of days ago! It wasn't nearly as good as the last year's edition, and the paltry attendance was a testament to that fact! Most people had already left by the end of the 2nd day. I was meant to reach early on the morning of the 2nd day, but unfortunately my train got delayed by nearly 8 hours, stretching the usual 11 hour journey from Tvpm to Kozhikode to an unbearable 19 hours. By the time I reached, the 2nd days' events were already over, and so was my dream of taking part in roughly 8-9 events! I met up with some batchmates of mine : Rejul, Bilal, Preetish, Rohith and gang and joined them for the Naresh Iyer concert! Personally, I like his voice as a playback singer. His soft, almost childish tone suits a studio recorded song, but as a performer, I have to say he was disappointing. He was horribly off-pitch for most songs, he sang a lot of songs which were HORRIBLE for his voice : can't imagine WHY he took on DALER MEHNDI! His band was mediocre, his backup singer awful, and unfortunately that has to rate as the worst concert I've been to! I remember Benny Dayal being vocally average last year but he chose songs that suited his voice, and nothing he sang made me cringe! Can't say the same for poor Naresh though!

Took part in 2 quizzes the following day since those were the only events whose prelims hadn't already finished : as a consolation for the train delay, God handed me a 3rd in one of them, making up for the dismal 2nd day! Higher on Maiden, the tribute band to Iron Maiden that performed the last night, were in one word - AWESOME! They were simply outstanding : the drummer, the two leads, the bassist, and the vocals, all standouts but I guess the drummer and the vocalist stood out to me the most! The vocalist had a good, strong voice, awesome range and could scream well too.....and the drummer must've lost 5 kilos at the tempo at which he was playing! They missed out some really good songs, but besides their song selection, you couldn't fault anything else! They were so good that the screaming audience made them do an encore of 'Fear of the Dark' at the end! Perfect way to end Ragam and have some reason to return maybe the next year or in my final year!

A Reason To Dream

It’s really astounding how movies have the power to mould your opinion, the power to give you hope, to make you experience love, joy, pain and suffering all in such equal measures within the space of an hour and a half. Most movies serve to stay in our minds only as long as their novelty doesn’t wear off. Yet there are a select few which stay in your mind and beg a revisit ever so often.

I watched “A Walk to Remember” again, probably for the third time, though I might have seen it about 4-5 times in small parts I guess. Romantic movies or romantic comedies don’t always fit into the top of my movie ratings, but when they’re done right, they usually tend to leave an impression. I’m guessing by this introduction that my opinion of this film has become quite apparent.

You might argue that the kind of bond that the 2 characters share in the movie is almost too good to be true. That the transformation of a rowdy arrogant and popular teen to a considerate, generous, thoughtful young man within not more than a few days is far-fetched if not entirely impossible. To some extent I could agree that perhaps the extent of their bond is slightly exaggerated, given that the movie world does not always mirror what we see in real life. It’s ridiculous to consider that ANY relationship could be as divine as portrayed in the movies. There are always ebbs and flows.

However, there are some things I do agree with. The fact that love forces you to change for the good, and that little else seems to matter much anymore. That sickness, even terminal, doesn’t change the way you feel or behave, but rather puts things in perspective, and only increases your desire to keep her happy for the rest of her life. And moving away from what the movie showed : the tendency to drift off into a daydream about her, all along experiencing an unearthly warmth in your heart that could possibly be the single greatest feeling known to man. The urge to pray for her with unwavering sincerity in their times of trouble, more than you do even for yourself in the darkest of times, and the conviction to let no harm fall upon her. How a single phone call/meeting seems to override everything else on your schedule for the day. Most importantly, the feeling that bringing a smile to that ONE person’s face would make your day, and at the end of your time, you’d know that at least one person‘s life in this world would‘ve been incomplete without you in it. My ideas on love are a strange combination of what I’ve seen, what I’ve felt, and what I believe. Whether what I’ve described is a crush, an infatuation or true love is a matter of conjecture, because I still can’t ascribe a word to it.

To me, personally, the concept of love itself is immortal. The pursuit of love and happiness go hand in hand, and it comes as naturally to us as the air we breathe. Growing up in this world is hard, and every year I find my own responsibilities and concerns bearing down harder upon my shoulders as the protective barrier of childhood slowly but surely evaporates with my foray into adulthood. The challenges, frustrations, trials and tribulations multiply, and I can only wonder how balanced my life will be once I’m a gainfully employed (God willing) tax paying citizen of this country. In the midst of all the chaos ahead, it’s comforting to believe that there is perhaps one person in that world outside whose companionship alone would make my mountains of worries seem like mole-hills. I believe because it makes me happy to think so. It makes my worries seem irrelevant. It bathes my entire outlook of life in rays of sunshine and hope. I believe life gives us more than one opportunity to find this person (whether deserved or not) who becomes a well of inner satisfaction for us, but it’s we who fail to often fail to recognize them in time. I pray everyday that I lift myself in the eyes of God by a fraction of an inch, hoping one day to have done enough to deserve the greatest gift that He can grant .

A Commitment to Myself

I come to this domain once again with a heavy heart and a flurry of thoughts crossing my mind with every passing second. I realize now that more often than not, confusion, anxiety or grief prove the driving force for me to unleash myself upon this website, in the vain hope that merely writing about my problems and hurts shall make them go away. In all honesty. though the burden does lighten, no issue can so easily be resolved. If that were indeed the case, life would never be quite as challenging.

I write once again of a personal problem. Not usually the kind I discuss publicly, since it is immensely personal, but I feel I must, else this cloud of depression shall never lift from above me. The true purpose of this post shall hopefully be clear by the end of it.

The past often tends to trick us. Boyhood memories and long-standing friendships often help us to paint far rosier pictures of our future than that which destiny has drawn out for us. The world is not as simple as it appears, and perhaps that is why I feel disillusioned to a certain extent with the one I face today.

A vital connection from the past has begun to fade away. The strongest bonds of friendship and more are formed probably when we ourselves are too young and naive to give in to our all-too-human nature of lies, manipulation and deceipt. There is no conception of profit or loss, no priority to the end over the means. This is exactly why seeing this particular relationship fade away so suddenly and abruptly has shaken me. During my final year in school, it had counted among the handful of connections that I felt could and would probably last a lifetime. It is to these people who I accord a special status in my life : they are the ones I credit for having given me my dearest memories, or for having helped make me a better person. These are not people you meet every other day. Knowing just one is a gift, and any more a blessing! Losing them, no matter how quick or slow, is the worst curse one can endure! Transitioning from a naive teen to a responsible adult can often bring out the worst in men. But it's these link that help them maintain their innocence while growing into the roles they are expected to fill!

To this day, I have not regretted a single friendship I've made. I've looked back and wished that I'd been closer to some, but never wished to part from any. I feel I have this naive tendency to observe the best in someone much more easily than the bad, which is why some of the decisions and judgements I've made about others may perhaps have been unbalanced. Yet, I've been fortunate not to have had to question any of these judgements until now. The manner in which this particular connection withered away bears ominously in my mind. It ravages my self-esteem, devalues the worth of my friendship to others in my mind, and creates doubts about my own beliefs and attitude to life that I no longer wish to entertain. I've made every single attempt possible to revive it. Everything I thought I could and should've done, I did. Though I'd felt that we'd already borne the brunt of our troubles in a brief period during my school years and yet sailed through unscathed, perhaps that was my misconception! Perhaps our connection was never strong enough to make it through......Having worked so hard to revive it the first time, and having met with what I thought was success, could I perhaps have ignored the tell-tale signs that indicated quite the opposite? I know I've made mistakes in the past, but could this also be one of them? These thoughts are excruciatingly complex and far too uncomforting to ponder over. It makes me wonder if any other of my dearest friendships were based on lies I could not discern.......leading to a feeling of unwantedness and rejection that leaves me hollow!

Here lies the true reason behind this post. It is not meant to be very specific or a tabloid-like expose in nature. The person in question may never read this post, and I won't be advertising about it! After several attempts, I have, at last, given up hope! The door to this relationship has been locked and sealed away for now(perhaps though, not permanently), its memories still vivid in my head, but no longer as rosy as they once had been! This post is a commitment to myself : that whenever I feel the urge to break down those walls I've built for myself in this one case, I look back and realise the hurt I'd once felt! Even though doing so would defy every principle I've lived by, it is what I must do to move on. A commitment to myself is far harder to live up to than one made to others, for it requires great discipline and belief in one's own decisions! I cannot afford to reach out and build new bridges where the terrain will perhaps never be favourable to it. I refuse to spend my waking moments in such thoughts which question my very self-esteem, and draw tears when there should be none! I cannot let it alter my life or change the beliefs by which I've led it.....which it may if given the chance to permeate further into my mind! I will always see the good in people before the bad, yearn to be in everyone's good books, look for someone to whom I can bare my soul! I have always yearned to stay consistent to who I am even as the years go by : but even though I shall never regret any of the decisions I've made, my heart is too weary to continue to foster unrealistic ambitions about oft-strained connections. While some bonds shall remain true, others shall cruelly fade into dust. To expect any more of life would be insanity!

Jack of All Trades, Master of One?

After several months of hibernation, the blogger in me has awoken again. A lazy Sunday morning is perhaps the best time I can get to let my thoughts wander the breadth of the universe with reckless abandon. It's been a year of several ups and downs for me personally. A time to reflect on the decisions I've made so far, and the choices I still face before me. To some extent, I suspect this is as much a part of embracing adulthood as the act of celebrating your 19th birthday, signifying that your teen years are now behind you.

On reflection, a lot of the decisions I've made so far seem to have been thought out, and yet, predictable. My life seems to have been shaped by a frightening sense of "destiny". Personally, I have always ridiculed that very concept, for I don't believe that anyone's future is set in stone. Only cowards too weak to realize the power and responsibilities they possess would hide behind such pretexts for comfort. Every once in a while I tend to drift off into this chain of thought that begs the question, " Why am I here? Is this really where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do? Does my true future lie elsewhere?". Often I can answer none of these irritatingly vague questions, but that still doesn't mean they disappear!

Perhaps the source of this frustration tends from the fact that my 1st year of college, at least in professional terms, has been a complete waste of precious time. Precious little value has been added to my yet-to-be-sripted resume inspite of the several months of long, taxing classes.

Could I perhaps have made a mistake in joining the Science stream in the first place? Would Humanities and a subsequent degree in mass communication and PG in journalism have been the way to go? Primarily, besides my dual interest in Science and literature, the lure of CHOICE drew me to Science. My options would be far greater post a B. Tech degree, than say a B.A. I could go for an M.Tech/MS if my field truly evoked the best of my intellect, and also choose to defect to PG in Journo, or in the worst-case scenario, to an MBA. This diversity helped make my decision a lot easier. Once into the Science stream, choosing my preferred B.Tech degree was never going to be a hard task, simply because I possessed neither the aptitude, nor the interest, to pursue anything besides Comp Sci. Yet, the mind keeps whirring and whirring like an endless freight train. My all-too-wise-from-personal-experience brother had warned me about the inadequacy of syllabus, but the sheer irrelevance of what I studied in comparison to what I hoped to study in the 1st year caught me off guard I suppose!

Though the reasons for my decisions may be well-founded even in my own eyes, the irony that I've steered clear of roads less travelled seems to drive into me like a sharp needle! I always imagined myself to be independent-thinking and stubbornly unmovable about my vision for my own future. But could it be that for like so many before me, this very spirit of individuality has been diluted by the realities of life, and a crisis of self-confidence? Have I chosen the safer path out of fear or out of conviction?

To an outsider, it may perhaps seem obvious that I've "sold out" to life, but I remain unconvinced. Perhaps after my 2nd year of college draws to a close, I shall understand precisely why I chose the path that I did. Everyone wishes to stand out of a crowd, to be different, to excel and to pioneer, but perhaps my future may not truly lie there. Perhaps my future lies exactly where I'd seen it when I'd set out to finally make my own decisions. Not as the Air Force pilot, TV news anchor, or Astronomer that I'd aspired to become a decade ago, but more along the line I've followed thus far! For a person with varied interests, a career need not be the summation of all his interests : the rest may remain as hobbies evoking equal passion. As the title of this post indicates, perhaps that is where my "destiny" truly lies! I still cannot guarantee what this future may seem like 3-4 years down the line, but that's for God to know, and a mystery for me to unravel with patience, sincerity and above all, an unwavering sense of self-belief.

A Grand Spectacle

Technopreneur 2009 was a momentous occasion, and one of the first true instances where my chest swelled with pride at being an MECian. From its conception, to its planning, to its final execution, the event was a mammoth success. The day was an eventful one. A very lively and active presentation on technology, in particular wireless technology, and its future role in expanding our horizons was delivered by Mr. Anand Parthasarthy. Being the first speaker of the day, his engaging talk was a promising start to what would prove to be a day filled with eye-opening exchanges. Mr. Parthasarthy was then replaced on the dias by Mr. Manoj Das, editor of the Indian Express, Kochi edition, who spoke on the Freedom of the Media, and its role in shaping democracy in the twenty-first century. Given the topic, the chance to hear Mr. Das' views on the subject was priceless, but what was even more engaging was the question-answer round that followed. With the subject being of such mass appeal, the audience came alive, asking questions which arose from a sound understanding of current issues. Certain questions were so perfectly framed, that even Mr. Das had trouble answering them. One such question, notably, was asked by an ex-MECian, regarding the leanings of most printhouses today towards any one particular political party or ideology inspite of their claims of providing fair and unbiased reports of daily occurings around the world! The exchange proved to be healthy and extremely thought-provoking, and the smiles of the organizing team showed that visions of an unbelievably succesful event had begun to possess their minds barely a few hours into it.

Following these active discussions, Mr. Kalol Borah, an entrepreneur himself, spoke about Entrepreneurship in India, its Scope and the keys to becoming a successful entrepreneur. Unlike most of the audience, I had attended a similar seminar(albeit an exasperating 4-HOUR LONG ONE) at Excel 09, held by Tej Arora of Smartcrowds fame. As most of the content between these two seminars seemed identical to me, my interest level waned, and the general enthusiasm of the crowd too, seemed to dip. Although several of my fellow classmates and all appreciated his talk and stated that he appeared very knowledgeable and wise during the 30-odd minutes that he spoke, I could hardly notice as my mind was not there. Following Mr. Borah, the star of the event and the most anticipated speaker of the day, Mr. Sarath Babu, took the dias. The audience welcomed him with thunderous applause, and a unanimous standing ovation, the first of its kind of the day, signifying that they too, recognized the calibre of the man who was about to speak before them. Recalling his journey from selling home-made idlis on the streets of Chennai to IIM-A and to establishing Foodking, and his recent foray into politics, he captured the audience's imagination. His English was rusty, indicative of the background from which he'd struggled to the top, but it only endeared him more to the audience. His awe-inspiring determination and will to succeed, along with his good natured smile won him more than 1200 fans within 10 minutes of his 40-min lecture. He spoke of the challenges he faced during his school life, his risky dance with death as a teen, his embarassment at his poverty when he entered the halls of IIM-A, and a variety of other life experiences which spoke volumes about the depth of his character. The audience interaction round, more than just a simple question and answer round, turned into an expression of collective admiration, as several students and teachers alike raised their hands not only to clarify doubts, but to express gratitude to Mr.Babu for gracing the occasion and achieving in 40 mins the impact that the organisers had hoped to gain at the end of the entire day!

The buffet lunch that followed was well worth the wait. There were ample servings of chicken, mutton, beef, fish, veg curries, fried rice and rotis to go around. For many of those who had come from other colleges to this event, the discount buffet had been the major attraction. Even if the speakers had failed to deliver, a good lunch would have still sent most home with no regrets. Thankfully, the cooks of the Gokulam Park Hotel didn't disappoint. It was a sumptuous feast and I ate till my stomach threatened to burst at it seams, and then gobbled down 2-3 helpings of vanilla ice-cream for good measure before returning to the seminar hall. The post-lunch session featured a debate on Youth Politics. Though Mr. Ritabrata Banerjee, a prominent SFI leader failed to arrive, there were other capable speakers to fill his place. The debate was informative, and overall nicely done, but the rebuttal session in which the crowd got into the act turned into a straight out dog-fight between Ms. Deepti Mary Varghese, a reputed Youth Congress leader, and SFI supporters and politically aware youth among the audience. The battle was intense, and at times I felt great pity for Ms. Deepti, for the absence of Mr. Banerjee had left her the lone representative of a political party on the dias, with students' contempt of the political class clearly evident. It was also amusing to an extent, but there were a few good intellectual questions asked among the unnecessary heckling from ideologically motivated members of the audience.

The evening was closed out by a brief summary of the Chandrayaan Mission by Dr. K. Radhakrishnan, Director of the VSSC. Under most circumstances, this lecture would have been among the greatest crowd-pullers, and would certainly have received top billing in my book. Disappointingly though, Dr. Radhakrishnan proved to be not quite as eloquent as his counterparts, and the lecture became a rather tedious, prolonged affair that failed to grab the attention of any section of the audience. The lecture was too detailed, and the presentation too dry to merit any interest or audience response. Of course, the fact that most of us had over-eaten and were now sitting in plus padded chairs in an air conditioned hall did nothing to help stifle the yawns. While some declared their boredom openly by leaning back and dozing off, others like me tried to distract ourselves with a bit of conversation or a text message : anything, essentially, to avoid nodding off which would perhaps be insultin to the speaker.

With the final lecture of the day having been given, Technopreneur 2009 drew to a close. After a vote of thanks acknowledging the efforts of everyone involved in the planning and execution of the event, the audience dispersed, some rushing to railway stations and buses to make their way home before nightfall, and others like us, back home, to reflect on what was a true spectacle, and to speculate about the headaches we shall encounter when Technopreneur 2010 comes around!

The Toil Behind The Glamour

Technopreneur 2009, held at Gokulam Park Hotel on Jan 31st, turned out to be one of the most prestigious events ever to be conducted by our college! The build-up to the event was nerve-wrecking. The anticipation was greatly heightened by the line-up of speakers that had been announced, and the number of cities to which our seniors had travelled to publicise the event. Days prior to the event, I myself had travelled back to Trivandrum on a jam-packed day, faced with the hectic task of visiting three colleges, GEC Barton Hill, CET, and LBS and meeting with their student representatives to confirm the final list of students seeking passes to the event, and the requisite amounts of money! In a single day, we travelled about 450-500 kilometres : by train, by bus and on foot. A packet of biscuits, a paltry lunch, and a bottle of Aquafina were all the nourishment we could achieve that day. It was demanding, and physically exhausting, yet the satisfaction of having collected an approximate of Rs. 20000(the correct figure escapes my memory) in a single day for our cause was limitless!

The day before the event, we were forced to cut class on Friday to deal with last-minute crises that had hit the preparations for the event. Though our seniors had ensured almost all aspects were taken care of well ahead of time, handouts remained a troubling issue. The nightmare scenario which we desperately wished to avoid was to present these great speakers to an audience which had very little clue of their stature and had no means to find out! On Thursday night, about 8-10 of us worked from about 9-30 in the night uptil about 2-30 in the morning in the MH with hardly a break in between, sorting out the several stacks of handouts that had arrived from the printing press, but remained unsorted. The next morning, with a stronger work-force, we headed to the printing presses with the boxes of sorted handouts to make further additions to each of those handouts and finally proceed with binding. Though about 1200 had so far booked their tickets to the event, another 200 were expected to register on the spot, which is why the target set before us was a staggering 1400 handouts to be assembled and spiral bound in the space of a single day. Chaos soon broke out due to confusion in the order of pages and shortage of certain pages. Our own efforts lagged as a result, and by mid-day, the task seemed fruitless. But we dug in, and worked tirelessly, breaking only for a brief lunch. We toiled from around 9 am till closing time at the printers' at 6 pm. In the end, thanks to our refusal to quit, we managed to succesfully 1342 handout booklets.

The efforts that we ourselves had to put in truly pale in comparison to the incredible amount of time, money and energy that our seniors had put in to organize the entire event. Our energies were drained while managing only a minor fraction of the overall event, but our seniors excelled at managing every aspect of an event that was, in terms of scale, to use a less eloquent terminology, "Technopreneur 2008 ka BAAP". Transport, food, accomodation, hall, guest reception, college-to-college canvassing, collection, flyers and posters, websites, blogs, advertisments.....you name it, and they've dealt with it! The pinnacle of efficiency that any student body can desire when undertaking the organisation of such a gargantuan event with little ground support from the college. They are the true icons I look up to, for they are proof of what you can absorb and gain from these 4 years besides the simple B.Tech degree.

Ripples '09

January 8,9 and 10th : These days were among the first few in my college during which I felt a vibe of uncontrolled, pulsating energy flowing through the halls. Our college arts festival, named "Ripples", kicked off on the 8th of January. Amid all the furore over the results and the controversies and allegations over the wisdom and impartiality of the judges, I started to understand why so many had recommended this college to me!

With the college being divided into Houses, similar to the old model at school, open participation was replaced by house-wise selection, following which alone one could take part in any of the smorgasboard of events. I, myself, was slated to participate in 3 events, on behalf of my house, the Pirates. The first, Gaanamela, was a unique event in terms of its magnitude. In the simplest of terms, Gaanamela saw each House receive 20 minutes to showcase their members' musical talents in as few or many songs as they can manage to pull off within the specified time. Our band chose to perform 4 songs, "Nenjukkul Peididhum", "Ennavale", "Sajna Di Vari Vari", and "Duur", the last of which, I was chosen to sing. Given the late stage at which I joined the band, my song choice was made with the time constraint in mind. I had a niggling fear that Duur would see the end of my aim of singing at future versions of Ripples, as, simply put, I thought the song didn't suit my voice! Given my lack of practice time due to relentless practice for the other events, my faith in my vocal abilities never found solid ground. Eventually, on the day itself, as I hit my first note slightly wrong and adjusted quickly throughout the rest of the song, I felt disheartened. My lack of practice had clearly shown, and even though I was on-pitch throughout the song, problems with the instrument mikes distracted my mind in between the performance, and ultimately left me with a bitter taste in my mouth for not having come even close to my own expectations. Admittedly, the response to my vocals ranged from "OK" to "Superb", suggesting maybe I hadn't done as bad a job as I felt, but my disappointment hasn't yet waned, for I still feel that given a bit more practise, and a little better luck with the instrument mikes, I could've sung with a lot more vigour and confidence than I actually did. Unfortunately for our band, the mixing problems which felped ruin my own song went on to decimate our chances by ruining every other song of ours as well, in particular, our instrumental masterpiece, "Sajna di Vari Vari", feat 6 instruments, which had sounded brilliant during practice. A disappointing 4th place was all that could be achieved.

The second event, on the same day as Gaanamela, was Nostalgia : A group dance performed in a dated fashion in the backdrop of a pre-90's dance track. While all other Houses chose old Hindi songs for their theme, we chose an old Tamil song to shake a leg to. Practice was hectic, and the amount of money poured in to help us out was mind-boggling. 5-6 days of practise was all I had, but that proved sufficient in the end. My confidence, though at rock bottom initially as I'd never even AUDITIONED for a group dance on stage before, began to grow slowly, and by the final 2 days of practice, was higher than I could've ever hoped. Our performance on stage was lauded, and it seemed the fruits of our several hours of practice were beginning to pay off, as the crowd deemed us favourites. I, myself, managed to recollect and perform my steps seamlessly(to my great shock), and inspite of a small slip due to the loose carpetting, my overall performance was satisfactory to me thanks to a quick recovery. Unfortunately for us, the judges found our costumes unattractive, even though one couldn't imagine anything other than a "baniyan" and "mundu" for the song we'd chosen, and our dance, to them, seem too "folk". As a result of these absurd complaints, we were relegated to 3rd place.

The final event, Western Dance, was the showpiece of the final day. Having been pulled into the group only 3 nights before the event, it proved a tall order for me. Combined with Nostalgia, we'd practised relentlessly almost every night, sometimes uptil 2 am. The practices were held at times at the MH, and at times at a 2nd yr, Lakshmi chechi's house, quite far away from our own MH. The practices were exhausting and physically demanding, to the extent that some skin on the toe of my left foot peeled off in the process, forcing me to bandage it till the final performance. Having worked hard to memorize my Western steps in just 2 nights and adjust my timing to perform in sync with the group, tragedy nearly struck as I sprained my back while practising just a few hours before the event. Gulping down a painkiller tablet, I managed to rejoin practise after a rest and subdue the pain enough to be confident of my chances on stage. Being body-painted in scary colours from the waist up, was a new experience for me, and one I doubt I'll forget for a long time to come. On stage, excitement and fear reached out to me in the same breath, but I held my nerve, and did my bit almost to perfection(or at least, as best as I possibly could have), until a small, perhaps not easily noticeable error in the handling of a prop at the end killed my joy and sapped me of my confidence. Tense moments followed, but the announcement that we'd be sharing 1st place was gratefully welcomed.

Over the week or so in which I'd been made to shed a lot of sweat and tears in preparation for these 3 days, I faced exhaustion,anxiety and fatigue as perhaps never before. But truly, in that one week, I enjoyed college life more than ever in the previous 4 months. It was refreshing, and a welcome change from the trappings of the classroom. Seeing the commitment of the many seniors who formed the core of the house was also endearing indeed! Finally, a House felt like something I WANTED to belong to, rather than an unnecessary label. Inspite of the many controversies that surrounded this year's event with respect to the judging and organisation, the urge to broaden my horizons and try my hand at a far greater number of events the next year has already set in. It's an anticipation that keeps growing in my heart, and should reach fever-pitch this time next year. Videos and pictures of the event should appear on this blog in a short while, but for now, my hands are tied! Let's hope Ripples '10 goes much much further in terms of competition, skill and entertainment!

BOLO PIRATES KI JAI!!!

Au Revoir

The STCS '08 batch re-union proved to be a mixed bag in terms of the final impact it had upon my daily routine and the boredom that seems to have gripped my very existence! About 35-40 of us who had been in town at the time chose to attend the get-together at Park Rajdhani, Ulloor for a not-so-quiet buffet lunch at Rs. 149 per head. From familiar faces to those whose faces took a while to register, the crowd was an ensemble of students of different intellects, popularity and interests. The lunch itself was fairly good. At the given price, it was certainly a grade better than the food at Sindhoor Park, the venue of a majority of our previous re-unions. My stomach, unfortunately, today could not seem to bear the same wear-and-tear in one sitting that it had managed to so often in the past. In between the chowing down, friendly chat and banter continued as usual. The occasional joke, the frequent comparisons of the lives of hostelers at colleges in different parts of the country, the "ragging" debates, kept the atmosphere vibrant.

In between and post-lunch, photo sessions raged on, with a camera in almost every hand. Though a fair few of my shots were spoiled to the unruly people I was attempting to photograph, a small minority turned out pretty well. After pigging out on multiple helpings of ice cream and gulab jamun, we retreated to the park behind the buffet area, resting in the shade, chairs lined up around a round table, making a racket at random intervals for no apparent reason, and taking potshots at each other in good humour.


I don't deny that I had my fair share of fun in the process, but perhaps, as an extension of the sombre mood that darkens my current outlook on life, the satisfaction was missing. Yes, I met some friends whose faces I'd never seen over the past 4-5 months. I'd had more than double the recommended 15 mins of laughter a day. Yet, there was an air of monotony about the experience. The concept, perhaps in my mind, has grown stale. Even though I enjoyed meeting them all once again, it in no way felt the same as school. Perhaps the disappointment of the cancellation of the original re-union plan had not washed away. Our farewell was originally planned as a massive function at Sri Mulam Club, Vazhuthacaud. There would be food, music, a stage, and basically every surplus requirement we would need to add an extra zing to the uninspiring re-unions of the past : a party, almost completely uncontrolled, and whose success depended upon only the guests that arrived! The idea stuck in my head and the countdown had been resounding in my head like a ticking time-bomb ever since I'd first heard it! Yet, inspite of the best-laid plans, the dream failed to culminate into even half the event I had imagined! The bus ride back home, thus ended in a complete failure to gather my thoughts. To be honest, I don't know what to make of how I felt about the day. Perhaps, with the growth of stronger relationships in my new world, a re-acquaintance with old friends may be more cherishable. It is only once you feel yoursef start to lose something that you cherish and value every effort that counters it! Maybe I still don't feel like I'm losing them! Or maybe the urge to move on feels too great to keep looking back, and the frequency of these re-unions only seems to drain away their utility and importance.

An Alumni meeting draws near, scheduled for the 10th of Jan. I don't know how enthusiastic I'll be to return as that day draws nearer, but for now, the thought of returning so soon is far from my mind! I may be the first to arrive, or may fail to show up entirely : my world is as confusing to me now as ever. In all probability, given the chance to meet a far wider spectrum of my batchmates, and to interact with some of the teachers who I still yearn to see again, my return is inevitable. Until that day, as the departure of the Chennai Mail lies 14 hours ahead, it's time to say "Au Revoir" to the town I love!

The Long and Winding Road

The past 10 days have breezed by leaving barely a trace. Needless to say, a lot remains to be said and done, and precious little of what I'd planned to do within the scope of 10 days has actually come to fruition. A deep sense of frustration lingers, and the heart longs to stay where I feel most comfortable. The transition from life at home to life at a hostel has proved far more challenging than I imagined. I still feel none of the attachment to my current place of residence as I imagined i would have it this stage. The heart, still, very much lies at home!

The fact that college life itself hasn't endeared itself to me all that much is particularly unnerving. Very few of the periods in the week actually manage to capture my interest, and several of them probably wouldn't ever command it, even if I were a picture of concentration! Perhaps my marks may reflect the very same attitude. Neither poor, nor outstanding by my estimation : indicative of a supreme lack of interest! My results will only start to trickle in once I return to college on the 29th, and needless to say, I'm not looking forward to that day. Although I feel I could get along with almost everyone in my class, I haven't yet felt that deep a bond with many in my new surroundings. A majority of them still seem like strangers to me, inspite of having talked to them and conversed on a variety of topics and on a number of occasions. There still remains that gray area in the back of mind which prevents me from completely submitting myself to a new relationship. It's bewildering : the urge and the drive to move on are very much in place, but the process fails before it can even begin!

People tell me that this phase is temporary ; that adjusting to a change of this magnitude requires as much patience as it does will. I sincerely hope they're right, for at the moment, the end doesn't seem very much in sight! My own self feels diminished, as if every time I speak and interact with anyone, it's a guarded and measured me whose voice is heard. I see myself retreating into a shell, one which I hope I could well break out of once the liberating air of freedom drifts into my aching lungs. Were I to travel back to a few months before the entrance, I doubt I'd see much resemblance between the person I was and the one I now am. The freedom to be me is what I seek, and yet, for some reason I feel devoid of it, and I know not due to what or whom. It's intensely suffocating, and just one among the reasons why I don't feel like leaving tomorrow. But my bags are packed, and my ticket booked. Eventualities seem to be the order of the day. For the moment, I seldom feel myself to be the master of my own destiny. The long and winding road leads on, my frail legs yielding to its incessant call!

Small Town Boy

Back home since the 18th, it's a pleasure to be able to put my feet up on the same familiar stool as I blog about the significant(to me) additions to my ever-unfolding journey through life! I've discovered a fair few things about myself in my near 3-month stay at a hostel in an unknown city! Perhaps the best change that this experience has induced in me is an ability to adjust and relate to others in whatever circumstance. When placed in a group, I usually tend to connect only with those who share common interests or think along the same lines. My interactions with the hostel lot, though have become jovial and friendly irrespective of the obvious differences I have with some of them! Though the initial few days may have been awkward, it now seems as if I'd been living with my roommates for years. The initial insecurity has disappeared, replaced by a self-assuredness and confidence that would serve me well in years to come!


I've also learnt of one key element of my character : that, in my heart of hearts, I am a small town boy! Yes, it mite be too early to say, but undoubtedly, the madness of an always-on-the-move metro such as Ernakulam doesn't appeal to me. I prefer the small-town atmosphere of Thiruvananthapuram, where crossing the roads isn't a life-or-death decision, where buses aren't as crowded, where life isn't as hectic! The lifestyle, shopping and the general avenues of entertainment may be far better in Ernakulam, but the peaceful ambience of the capital earns more points with me on any day!

The going has been slow in terms of festivities : inspite of it being Christmas season, I for some reason, don't seem to be filled with the spirit at the moment. Having had to spend my first few days attempting to sort out the problems of my PC at home, undoubtedly, contributed to this lack of festive cheer! It seems my PC is a safe haven for the world's choiciest spywares, trojans and worms, all undetectable by AVG, apart from the fact that every version of Windows ends up becoming corrupt a few months after installation. I often wonder if these are merely complaints of the general public, or misfortunes that follow me around like a personal storm cloud, precipitating misery at will! Guess it's time to dig up those old carol cassettes to sprinkle a dash of Christmas joy!

The re-union on the 27th, it appears, has been cancelled due to a lack of participation, bringing my great anticipation crashing to its knees. It seems ever grand plan that every comes upon us is doomed for disaster, as if to think big is a crime! I sense the mood of gloom and quiet desperation is evident in my style of writing! Tomorrow, thankfully, promises a cricket match at the old SAP stadium, which should lift my spirits considerably! Meeting old friends once again on a cricket field ought to dig up happier memories from the past.

Sights and Sounds of MEC

While I admit that I'm still not too upbeat about my college, there have been a handful of colourful characters and a smattering of small incidents that have made these past 1 and a half months an interesting period.

Firstly, my fellow 1st year hostelers are a group I have come to really appreciate. Contrary to my expectations, not one of them has given me the sort of bad vibes that I'd imagined I would encounter. After all, no matter how friendly or nice you try to be, not everyone in the crowd can communicate with you on the same wavelength. There are a few, above others, who I've taken a liking to. Firstly, my roommates, Sebin and Nikhil, are probably the best I could've hoped for. They're neither ultra-padipist nor brainless twits, which gives me the freedom to stay loose while at the same time keeping track of my academic goals. Admittedly, our study schedules aren't as jam-packed as those of some of the other hostelers, but then I feel we'll make it through when the series tests come along. The other 1st-yr hostelers are all decent folk, but a few of them, most notably the guys of the infamous room no. 104, seem destined to raise the roof post-Freshers' Day in February. This gives me hope that irrespective of the atmosphere in the college, hostel life will be truly worth cherishing.

On the college front, a number of my classmates have made an impression on me already. In those terms, I'm blessed, for it appears our CS-B batch has possibly the most potential for fun among all the 1st-year batches this year, besides EC-B. Joel, Rony, Sreeram, Sachin, Shafath, Toby, Sidharth and Sooraj and a few others have become fair friends of mine over the past few weeks. Classes haven't been all that interesting, but a few good jokes in between a thousand bad ones generally tend to lift my spirits. Our faculty isn't all that impressive, but a few characters are so unique that I feel I might truly miss them once I pass out from under their tutorship. Most notable among them, is our Chemistry Ma'am, who has arguably the thickest accent I've ever heard, making her words sometimes purely incomprehensible. Our Mechanics and Maths Sirs are probably the best teachers among the lot, and hence, those two subjects remain the prime focus of my very limited study routine.

To some, these mite be the faintest of silver linings among dark clouds too ominous to ignore, but to me, they still auger well for the future. College is meant to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, never replicated, never understood, never explained.....it should be unlike the times gone by, and the times that lie ahead, and what it means to each and every one of us depends on how we perceive it. To that extent, I hope, an optimistic and ever-hopeful view of an at-times gray and confusing time will help make the experience far more memorable.

Back Home Again

With homesickness commanding an early, unplanned return to Trivandrum once again, I find myself stationed behind my familiar desktop PC with a plethora of thoughts on my mind, and few words to express them in. Firstly, although I still have a lot more of Ernakulam to explore, my appreciation for the relatively quiet and peaceful atmosphere of Trivandrum has grown over the past few months. Ernakulam simply seems like a city in a tearing hurry to reach heights it can only aspire to, and the pollution, the maddening crowds and the heat add to the woe. Coming back home gives me respite in some ways, from the rush of the world I'll have to grow used to in the coming years.

Travelling has become less of a pain in that regard, and the 3.5 hours I spend on the Janshatabdi listening to music, taking pictures or reading magazines no longer seem as unbearable as in the past. Stepping onto the platform and smelling the fresher air of this city yet to be touched by the curses of rapid development gives me peace and a sense of tranquility. Until mid-december, I realise that no more such opportunities shall swing my way, so I hope to enjoy this little taste of freedom that I flavour over the next 1 and a half days. The burden of incomplete assignments and records does dampen the mood a bit, but the relief is no less satisfactory. With the series tests coming up, I'll need every bit of mental fortitude I can muster to tide me by these tough times.

The Search Continues

It seems like an endless pursuit : the quest to make peace with the choices I've made in my life! The moment hasn't yet arrived when I can discard all the baggage of the past and start to move on. I've tried several times, but the circumstances and recent events just fail to give me any leeway to do so. Let's face it : I'm not enjoying college to the extent I thought I would be. There are a myriad of reasons why that is, and not all of them can be discussed. I've tried to deny it all along, hoping within my heart of hearts, that smiling in the darkness would usher in the light, but it hasn't yielded any results.

It's quite obvious that among the foremost reasons I haven't been enjoying college to the extent I should be is the fact that I miss my family and friends back home. Yes, I realize that I sound like a wimp when I say this, but I do. The college, in itself, hasn't helped. The overtly school-like atmosphere that prevails over the campus during the first year is truly irritating. At a time when I felt I would be celebrating the greatest degree of freedom I would ever truly experience, I've been tied down to moulds of the past. The spoon-feeding (and I mean SPOON-FEEDING) by the faculty has left a bad taste in my mouth. Though some seniors have assured me that much of this negativity in the minds of most freshers changes or disappears completely in the second year and beyond, I'm not entirely convinced. This acute difficulty in accepting what others say stems from the very knowledge that different people view scenarios differently : a fact that I've learnt the hard way.

For the time being, my sole focus remains to solidify bases from which to grow friendships with classmates, and to fare respectably well in my academics. All other thoughts have been blown away due to the sense of boredom and inactivity that plagues my mind at the moment. I feel boxed in at times, wanting to scream out at the first sight of gap in the walls of my imaginary prison! My sole comfort at this time remain the few friends I've made among my fellow hostelers and my classmates. They've brought a smile to my face every now and then to dissipate the grouchy moods that I tend to slip into now and again. It's a paradox I've never encountered before, and hopefully, one I won't have to for much longer.

To the concerned few who may read my rare ramblings in this blog now and again, I'd like to re-assure them that much of what I say reflects a temporary state of mind, and that looking at the broader picture is often, but not always my mantra. During the Christmas holidays, I hope to publish a few pending posts, including pics and events of the recent past, which I can do only from the comfort of home. Yet, for having read this insane post, I thank you for showing that concern, and bid adieu till I next get the liberty to speak at such length about life @ MEC!

The Blue Horizon Beyond Dark Clouds

This phase of my life has been one of the most inexplicable of my life. The past month( though it hasn't quite seemed that short) has borne a myriad of experiences which might possibly have a telling effect on my distant future. Though not all is worth revealing on a public space such as this, some of it is. The first, and obviously most disheartening outcome over the last month has been the crashing and burning of a few last-minute 4th allotment CET-CS placement hopes. Though I'd had no such illusions at the time of joining MEC, perhaps the talk around me raised my hopes to a level where they never deserved to be. In either case, disappointment is part of the many setbacks I've learnt to take in my stride, for they only make me yearn to do more and to be more!

Secondly, although it's been only a month into college life, I haven't seen any true indications that I'll fall in love with this college in the coming years. Although this year is probably a lot harder than the years to come, there is a slightly suffocating atmosphere about the campus, beyond just the uniforms and strict teaching, that bothers me. I can imagine that the hostel seems the only refuge for most of my seniors( though I don't truly know them all that well). Hostel life, as of now at least, has proven to be a wholesome experience. I've learnt a fair bit through the day-in and day-out of self-care, without a parent or relative to fend for you. Though I've been relying a fair bit on my kind Uncle living close by for weekend getaways and uniform washing, other transitions have gone about fairly smoothly, and God willing, in another few weeks, I shall be independent in every respect : a notion I've been craving after ever since joining MH. I can't accept that I've enjoyed every second, but I can see 3 years of incredible fun ahead if things stay the same!

On the positive side, a few good friends and a lot of fun with fellow fresher hostelites has helped oveshadow some of the negative vibes I've been having about college life. The next four years will be a challenge for me at this rate, but as always, I remain upbeat......the same sort of psychotic childishness in my character( that I'm proud to portray) will help me in the darkest of times. No degree of confusion or anxiety will ever quench my zest to live life while I can. I never want to grow up...and I pray that I never do. My belief in myself, my future and my God remains : as long as all 3 persist, little can harm me! As was intended by the title, there may forever remain ominous clouds of doubt blocking out the blue sky, but it remains there, even when hidden, ever-available to those who wish to peer through the haze and see it. I may sound delusional, but if delusion is the true source of mental and spiritual happiness, I wanna subscribe to it!

Next is What?

While my feelings towards my college remain blurred and vague, the brightest spark among a fairly dismal first few weeks in college has been my new phone. At long last, I've managed to do away with my good-for-nothing Reliance Classic set and purchased a Samsung SGH J-150. The photo doesn't do it justice, for it actually looks a whole lot better in the palm of your hand! The first and foremost criterion for my buying this phone, was the great quality of its speakers....the volume is perhaps not as great as a Sony Ericsson, but it is just as clear and delightful. I see many hours of head-banging music in my future. The 1.3 Megapixel Camera is much clearer than the Nokia 3110, at least in the handset's display. The clarity will only be truly confirmed once I actually transfer my pics from the mob to my PC. 2 GB memory cards are supported, which is a major plus point. Bluetooth and a variety of decent games add to the list of positives. The look, which I didn't give all that much importance to, is perhaps the icing on the cake. Samsung phones pretty much outshine everyone in the looks department, and this one is no exception!

The battery provides a fair amount of talktime as well, which was a concern when I first bought the phone. There are a few negatives, as you'd expect in any budget-priced phone decked with high-end features. The internal memory is limited to 10 MB, which is a bummer. The phone comes without a memory card or a USB cable, which have to be separately purchased. It isn't Wi-Fi enabled, which, if it were, would've meant free Internet usage in the hostel. The most disappointing negative to this handset has been the discovery that I can't play games or use any other applications with the Music Player in the background.

But at Rs. 4550, it's a STEAL! A devilishly sexy( a compliment which I MYSELF have never received) handset with a brilliant music player, stylish display, finger-friendly keypad, Bluetooth and a quality camera will hardly ever cost less than this! I've already got my hands on a 1GB memory card, and am expecting the USB cable to arrive at my house hopefully by the weekend! I'm over the moon, and hope that this set will last well into my earning days! It's the best deal I could've hoped for!

Musings of a Deranged Mind

The past 3 weeks of college life have taught me a myriad of life lessons and harsh truths. A host of experiences the likes of which I'd expected to some extent, but not so soon. The college has proven to be worth the wait, but a lot of other issues cloud my judgement of it at the moment. The faculty is unimpressive, with only a handful of teachers who truly seem to be earning their wages as of now. From reports I hear, these standards don't tend to improve, but rather degrade as you enter into the succeeding years. The concept of total spoonfeeding has been lost, but a fair bit still exists in the first year, which distresses me. The entire advantage of the college academic experience is the work you put in for self-improvement, and the freedom to set your own study pace and pattern. It seems in the first year, as of now at least, that freedom is partially curtailed.

Many, especially those who know  very little about the college itself, suspect that MEC has a school-like atmosphere. Granted, the uniforms and the slightly-strict leave policies give that impression, even to me at this point where every part of the college still seems strange and unknown : yet, life in the 2nd year and onwards, seems a lot brighter and upbeat. Ragging details I can only mention in the 2nd year, and not publicly through any such medium, as there are eyes and ears everywhere watching and listening to everything I do or say at the moment. Now I know how contestants on those crappy reality shows feel!

Opportunities to participate in various Arts fests, on the surface, seem to be limited in this institution. Yet, hopefully the chances I do get, I shall exploit well. I've been drafted into one of the five houses participating in the intra-college arts and sports events : the PIRATES, of black and green, notably one of the rowdiest of houses at the moment. The houses we represent may change over the coming years, but perhaps being a PIRATE will be a blessing in disguise : I can only speculate, and hope it does turn out to be so in the coming days!

With all the complexities of college left behing, I'm hoping to enjoy the few days of freedom I have at home. It's going to be a tough year, and I'm going to need all the strength and luck in the world to come out of it unchanged. By the grace of God, the tyranny might end on a happy note five months down the line. Until then, however, I might as well make hay while the sun shines! 

Updates from MEC

This post comes to you from within Computer-Centre 2 here at MEC. Hostel life for the past 2 days has been fine, and a welcome change from the montony of days gone by. With more to do for myself than usual, the freedom and independence is sort of liberating. Washing clothes is still a drag, but I havent washed my uniforms yet, only my "personal" items!

As far as ragging is concerned, no real untoward incidents have yet occured, though I presume they might in a while : even though we were told on the day of admission that MEC is free of such problems! It's a fact of life in almost every government hostel, and as far is it remains healthy, it is to an extent, beneficial, as it is the only manner in which seniors and juniors ever get to interact or know each other. It is, after all, a bit much to imagine 2nd or 3rd years to befriend 1st years from the outset without knowing a damn bit about them, and the same applies vice versa.

My two room-mates, Nikhil and Sebin, seem to be good guys : at least we seem to share a few of the same interests (Nikhil's a Chelsea fan....hehe....in my world, they seem hard to find!). Nikhil's from Guruvayoor, a P.C. Thomas product, whereas Sebin's from Changanasheri. Access to Orkut is blocked at the College Computer Centres, Yahoo Messenger is non-existent, and Facebook profiles take an eternity to load, so my only contact with my friends back home might be the "outdated" practice of e-mailing once in a while! Orkutting may resume at a rate of 2-3 times a month once I discover the nearest cyber cafe! I also plan to change my mobile soon, and get a BSNL connection, as it seems to be the only provider having decent coverage in this rural part of town!

Classes are moving at a monotonous pace : most subjects haven't yet been touched, and the endless introductions make 7 hours at college seem like an eternity. Hopefully, once teaching begins in earnest, and assignments and portions our thrust our way, the monotony will dissipate.

Homesickness hasn't yet gripped me, but I will return to Trivandrum on the night of the 7th if all goes to plan! A week before is also a possibility, but until then, nothing seems likely.

Au 'Voir for now, but keep in touch!

Red-Letter Day

Titling my posts nowadays seems a chore I have little patience for, so pardon the obscure heading. I played the role of a host to a party for 10 of my best friends at my house yesterday. Of course, farewell parties here don't mean quite the same as elsewhere : rather than the one leaving (ME) being treated to a send-off, I basically had to sponsor the festivities. No complaints, however, since it's something i don't often do. Given that my home is so far away from everyone else's , inviting them over had always been difficult, which is why next to none knew the actual route! Having planned the meet in a rush of madness while away at Pathanamthitta, I had barely 2 days to prepare for the party.

The guest list was finalized and 13 boys were short-listed, since I couldn't afford to host any more all at once! I didn't invite any girls for 3 prime reasons : a) I am friends with a few, not many, hence I doubt that many would have accepted the invitation. b) Being pretty far from their homes, their coming was unlikely anyways. c) Finally, as I've seen on many occasions in the past, when girls and boys, at least from my school, meet up in equal or significant numbers, they tend not to mingle. My hands, hence, seemed tied. It's only fair to me I suppose : I've never been that open to too many girls, and hence I have very few to truly claim as friends. To those who weren't invited, regardless of the gender, I apologize, and u can give me an earful the next time we meet!

I picked up my friends from Vattiyoorkavu at 12-30, most of them having arrived by 2-wheelers, adjusted uncomfortably to seat 3 together. After leaving them in charge of my house for a while to pick up the food, I rejoined them and chatted till Mom sounded the lunch call. My parents were delighted to be hosting my friends, a privilege I'd denied them for years thanks to our location! With Ajay, Hrithwyk and Renjin unable to attend, only 10 could appear at my house in the end, two of whom, were fasting as the month of Ramzan is upon us. That left me with food for 15, but only about 11 mouths to feed. The food was good, only furthering my opinion of the highly under-rated Amer Restaurant situated near Vattiyoorkavu Jn. After a feast consisting of porottas, fried rice, chilly chicken, beef fry, aloo methi, salad, and fish cutlet, of which the last 3 were home-made, we settled down for some desert in the form of caramel custard. Another couple of hours passed by as Akram was kept busy with intermittent calls and the rest of us chatted away about our respective colleges and branches, films, music, cars and bikes, and a variety of other issues. The terrible twosome(or dynamic duo : depending on your point of view), Najad and Nashad joined us after lunch. As my friends began to leave eventually at around 4-15, Adi,Nash,Akram, Najad and I headed to Jacob's house straight afterwards, as he'd been scheduled to leave for Karunya Institute the same night. Another half an hour passed by there chatting away about his hostel experiences and the San Thomites he has for company (not the cream of the crop by any means).

It was a very satisfying day, personally, and a nice way to round off one part of my life. Not because I'm willing to let them fade away from my memory, but rather because it makes the pain of separation all that more easy to bear. After all these years, I know that there are a handful of people who still care enough to bear me.....hehe.....I know this sounds a bit silly, but no matter how good a friend you are or try to be, it's always comforting to be reminded that the feeling is truly mutual in some cases. Farewell, my friends!

Road Trip

I've only just returned from a 2-day visit to Pathanamthitta and Kozhencherry to meet my only surviving grandparent, and my uncle and family. The trip was an awesome learning experience, and the first time I'd had to spend only one of those tiresome travelling hours in the passenger seat. It was a refreshing experience, as I was able to test my endurance and concentration for the first time. Driving had been a pleasure to me for a long while, until a minor scrape near my home ended up deflating my confidence! Since then, my attitude towards driving has changed slightly : whether due to that particular incident or the loss of that feeling of novelty, I can't say. Going into the trip I had my share of self-doubt, but gladly, I surpassed my own expectations. I drove much for nearly 3/5ths of the way there, and brought us safely home after a 4-hr long drive today. My concentration didn't waiver : the music helped sustain that rhythm. My confidence grew with every passing minute, so much so that I dared to fool around every now and then (the old "look mommy, no hands", "what's the time?" and "tabla on the steering wheel" gags) to make the minutes passing by seem less monotonous or repetitive.

Having survived my own driving, I'm glad to say the confidence is back, and now firm enough to take on any challenges I face on city roads! Even though my license has been valid for more than a month, the practice I've had with my own Alto has made me far more self-assured and confident behind the wheel than before! Next Mission : To practise riding a 2-wheeler, which I hope to do in my first year of college, courtesy some of the friends I might make @ my hostel!

I've tentatively laid out plans for a farewell party to be held at my house for my friends. The guest list is ready, and almost everyone, I believe, is available. Having to leave on Tuesday evening, I've scheduled the party for Sunday afternoon : not only will it serve as an occasion to eat and chat for hours on end in a manner I may never again be able to, I'll also get them acquainted with my parents and allow them a rare tour of my home (not that it's an architectural marvel by any means.....it's rare due to its distance from the city!). I hope the plan comes to fruition, though many of the invitees are as yet unaware of key details(including whether or not they're invited!:D)......there is only so much I could accomplish after reaching home @ 9:30 pm. To whoever reads this blog (as if anyone ever does) and is bitterly disappointed at having missed the gathering (...yeah RITE! :D), I offer my deepest regrets : last-minute plans are seldom well-thought out!

If all goes as planned, I shall have a final lazy afternoon to cherish and preserve in my photographic folklore, before I attempt to essay a new era in my yet uncharted life in a new city!

A Musical Sojourn

Among the many changes that the last 2 years have so relentlessly induced in me, is the topic I address in this post! I began life in Std. XI with several motives : among them was to explore my own limits, and to test the waters in any and every possible way I could. Among those, was music. As a music addict, and a passionate bathroom singer (neighbours in 3 cities can attest to my prowess in that field!), I'd always had a hidden suspicion that perhaps, I had an iota of vocal ability. This notion of mine had barely ever been affirmed or encouraged by any of my family members, or even my friends(except for maybe a couple of occasions)....there had been hints along the way, but unassuring in nature. Regardless of my fears, I decided to follow that road, willing to accept whatever result it brought!

An Inter-House Group Song Audition, and a 1st prize later, I was performing in inter-schools around the city. Granted, that I was in a group, and in no ways solely responsible for their success, but I had my own indiviual success in the midst of it : For me personally, it was fulfilling to simply BE there....the rush, the thrill and the excitement I felt every time I stepped up before an audience was truly unbelievable. I am, by nature, slightly introvert, and always suspected that I had stage fright. Yet, being there always felt comfortable, and the roars, cheers and jeers of the crowd energized me to the same extent!

Though the vocalists with whom I performed changed, songs changed, and costumes changed, my partner-in-crime remained the same : Sidhartha was always known to me as a talented keyboardist, but this was the first time I could truly acknowledge it first-hand! Behind the scenes in every one of our rehearsals were hours of mindless jamming where we practised every song we could think up, except the one we actually had to perform! We used breaks in regular practice to play our favourite tunes : KK's songs dominated our charts, and Shaan and Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy featured one a couple of occasions.....it was one of those rare times when I felt truly unrestricted, and free to express myself! I felt liberated.....free of whatever boundaries I had drawn for myself in my mind, and perhaps it is this very emotion that calmed me down even seconds before moving up to the stage. More than fear of embarassment, it was the urge to feel the electricity in the atmosphere in the auditorium that consumed me!

"Aadat", a song by Jal which we performed for the farewell party organized for our senior batch at school, was perhaps one of the toughest and most rewarding experiences of my life. The initial few practices had been so frustrating, and nerve-wrecking, that the doubts which had crept into my mind while deciding the song, were only FURTHER embellished! As the days went by however, practices got easier, and we truly began to enjoy ourselves. Towards the end of our 5-day odd practice, we already felt aptly rewarded for our work, and the friendships that had seen us embark upon this challenge had only strengthened as a result! We pulled it off well, and Sidharth, my fellow vocalist and great friend, surprised one and all. Sid, in all honesty, I believe has a voice that I believe is far better than mine, and certainly with greater scope for improvement, given the right coaching.

Along with the minor successes came dreams of forming a TRUE band, with original compositions and self-styled vocals. Tentatively named "ALTITUDES", it hasn't ever truly passed the conception stage : you could argue why we even bother calling it a band! Perhaps it's only to soothe my ego, even I have no rational answer to that question : but in all honesty, I had every bit the band experience I'd have wanted from a professional one! Yes, we goofed off at times when we should've been more focussed, and perhaps we could've been in a better position today. Fame and fortune were never my aim, there was only a desire to create, if possible, an album that we could cherish as a treasured souvenir, to help us cope with the struggles of an often robotic and emotionless life! No doors have been shut yet, so the hope still burns.......if anything, I've only gained from the experience : valuable friendships and a potful of memories!

I fully realize that this post risks being labelled as the work of a self-indulgent ego-maniac (which I believe I'm not)! I cannot help but acknowledge those events and moments which have sculpted me into the being that I am.....and the "ALTITUDES" are foremost among them! I am, and, unfortunately, will probably always remain a slightly above-average singer! The years I've wasted in my childhood when I could've read the signs a little earlier and sought vocal coaching still haunt me! I have, however, come to accept that my life will remain incomplete without music, and so have vowed to learn to play the guitar and the harmonica well before I mark my grave! To have lived the dream of every urban youth in the country for 15 minutes, even in relative anonymity, is a gift for which I will remain thankful to the Lord for eternity!