A Reason To Dream

It’s really astounding how movies have the power to mould your opinion, the power to give you hope, to make you experience love, joy, pain and suffering all in such equal measures within the space of an hour and a half. Most movies serve to stay in our minds only as long as their novelty doesn’t wear off. Yet there are a select few which stay in your mind and beg a revisit ever so often.

I watched “A Walk to Remember” again, probably for the third time, though I might have seen it about 4-5 times in small parts I guess. Romantic movies or romantic comedies don’t always fit into the top of my movie ratings, but when they’re done right, they usually tend to leave an impression. I’m guessing by this introduction that my opinion of this film has become quite apparent.

You might argue that the kind of bond that the 2 characters share in the movie is almost too good to be true. That the transformation of a rowdy arrogant and popular teen to a considerate, generous, thoughtful young man within not more than a few days is far-fetched if not entirely impossible. To some extent I could agree that perhaps the extent of their bond is slightly exaggerated, given that the movie world does not always mirror what we see in real life. It’s ridiculous to consider that ANY relationship could be as divine as portrayed in the movies. There are always ebbs and flows.

However, there are some things I do agree with. The fact that love forces you to change for the good, and that little else seems to matter much anymore. That sickness, even terminal, doesn’t change the way you feel or behave, but rather puts things in perspective, and only increases your desire to keep her happy for the rest of her life. And moving away from what the movie showed : the tendency to drift off into a daydream about her, all along experiencing an unearthly warmth in your heart that could possibly be the single greatest feeling known to man. The urge to pray for her with unwavering sincerity in their times of trouble, more than you do even for yourself in the darkest of times, and the conviction to let no harm fall upon her. How a single phone call/meeting seems to override everything else on your schedule for the day. Most importantly, the feeling that bringing a smile to that ONE person’s face would make your day, and at the end of your time, you’d know that at least one person‘s life in this world would‘ve been incomplete without you in it. My ideas on love are a strange combination of what I’ve seen, what I’ve felt, and what I believe. Whether what I’ve described is a crush, an infatuation or true love is a matter of conjecture, because I still can’t ascribe a word to it.

To me, personally, the concept of love itself is immortal. The pursuit of love and happiness go hand in hand, and it comes as naturally to us as the air we breathe. Growing up in this world is hard, and every year I find my own responsibilities and concerns bearing down harder upon my shoulders as the protective barrier of childhood slowly but surely evaporates with my foray into adulthood. The challenges, frustrations, trials and tribulations multiply, and I can only wonder how balanced my life will be once I’m a gainfully employed (God willing) tax paying citizen of this country. In the midst of all the chaos ahead, it’s comforting to believe that there is perhaps one person in that world outside whose companionship alone would make my mountains of worries seem like mole-hills. I believe because it makes me happy to think so. It makes my worries seem irrelevant. It bathes my entire outlook of life in rays of sunshine and hope. I believe life gives us more than one opportunity to find this person (whether deserved or not) who becomes a well of inner satisfaction for us, but it’s we who fail to often fail to recognize them in time. I pray everyday that I lift myself in the eyes of God by a fraction of an inch, hoping one day to have done enough to deserve the greatest gift that He can grant .

The World Through My Eyes

3 days away from the university exams, and a small window of opportunity presents itself. It’s raining outside, and the smell of the greenery surrounding the hostel embellished by the gentle kiss of rain drops is far too enticing to ignore. Hardly the most conducive environment for cramming equations into your head. The heart yearns to merely lay still, watching the heavens open up outside while soft music plays in the background. It’s one of those moments that bring to your mind how amazingly peaceful and satisfying it is to just pause your life for a minute to let your worries float away with the gentle breeze, your thoughts wandering to the world around you.

It’s hard to believe this very world that delights us in its natural beauty is at threat every single day. From potential nuclear conflicts in the near future in the war theatres of the Middle East, the Indian Subcontinent, and the Korean peninsula, to a world climate change summit at Copenhagen which may well decide the expiry period of our race on this earth. Progress seems to have brought with it equally frustrating worries to heap misery on our everyday lives! All of this, mind you, as ‘learned prophets’ look for signs of the coming apocalypse, deriving incredible meaning from the most ordinary incidents. Whether it be the Mayan calendar or the Christian Calendar, we all seem to believe that the future is beyond our control and hence, our responsibilities deemed void.

We as a race seem to have become so accustomed to news of conflict, strife, and so addicted to the thought of being eternally vulnerable to evils lurking outside our doors that we go to the lengths of believing in such absurd media-hyped tripe as “love jehad”. It seems that a monster must always lurk in the corner, even if it is of our own creation! It’s truly incredible how much we’re capable of : from feats of genius to moments of astounding stupidity, from years of preaching tolerance and ahimsa to decades of arrogance, an allergy to compromise and a penchant for war, from closing our minds to the possibility of knowing more than what our religion alone certifies suitable for us to shunning all belief in the Almighty altogether. There seems no limit, neither upper nor lower, to what the human race is capable of. But increasingly, it is the depth to which we can sink that has caused us so many nightmares as a society. The weight of being the most intelligent beings on the planet (and perhaps even the universe) seems to have taken its toll upon this race.

Sound pessimistic? The truth often does, because it is that ugly. But unlike those who merely shrug their shoulders and count the days until judgement is brought upon them, I choose to retain hope. I don’t see DOOMSDAY painted on every wall. I don’t see wars and massacres as inevitable. I believe that our issues can be resolved. I believe that Indo-Pak tension can ease, that the Middle East crisis can lead to an amicable resolution, that the rise of other superpowers including China and India can bring balance rather than further disorder to a world where the U.S. is seen as both the caring parent and the unruly dictator. I sustain this belief because I feel that we as a race are as capable of good as we are of evil. Every Hitler is followed by a Martin Luther King Jr., every Babar by an Akbar. Almost every conflict we observe today stems from decades if not centuries of hurt and suffering. Even amidst the crusades there were periods when peace reigned over Jerusalem when both Christians and Muslims were granted rights to worship in the Holy Land. Decades of dictatorship and open massacres ended in the 90s with the 1 moment of reason and sanity on the part of Mikhail Gorbachev that ended the erratic Soviet rule and gave freedom to the people chalk out their own borders. With human history itself bearing witness to our ability to see reason when pushed to the crossroads, why should it be considered foolhardy to nurture hope?

Return to Blogging Ways and Exam Fever

This post officially marks my umpteenth return to the good ol' days where i documented each memorable day of mine in overstated and exaggerated language. I've said this many times before I guess, but I truly miss my blog at times when I stay apart from it. My blogging frequency still depends a lot on my state of mind, and perhaps that's why it'll never grow to prominence quite the way I'd hoped. Regardless, I guess it makes my blog no less significant in my mind.

Quick Update : As S3 university exams near, the tension is growing. I feel surprisingly relaxed, though I fear that may be due to a slight case of overconfidence. To be completely honest, exams don't seem to bring about the same emotions in me as before. Yes, to some extent, stress is inevitable, but it no longer seems to have the same gravity. I'm not too worried about this development, because I feel I'm finally living by my own philosophy that exams are neither the be-all nor end-all of life. Though this country may promote them as so, they never should be. Exams in India, as is too commonly known to be repeated or justified in detail, test only one's bookish knowledge. One's performance in them depends on one's memory and one's luck as much or if not more than one's understanding of the subject. Yes, these grades are a criterion for judgement, yet, I'd rather obtain average mark with at least a minimal understanding of what I learn than merely work beyond my limits to acquire a grade that reflects nothing of what I've understood!

My mother often says that as I've grown up, I've developed a tendency to accept mediocrity. That I'm too easily satisfied, or too easily discouraged to perform better. My view is slightly different though. I feel that as I've grown, I've learnt to appreciate my effort more than the eventual result it achieves. We may believe in the primacy of effort and desire or will above the end result ; we may pretend that participation is more important than winning, but very few of us believe it in our own hearts. Please note that this doesn't mean one should appear for an exam with little or no preparation just for the sake of writing it. Instead, what I practice is to do my best to prepare for any exam, as well as I believe I can, and leave the end result to God. If I'm satisfied with the work I've put in before any exam, why should the end result make a difference? It sounds very much like a loser's attitude, or a crutch to fall back on, and perhaps I would've agreed with you a few years ago, but now I CAN'T see it any other way! Perhaps I may stutter here or there, but in all probability, if personal satisfaction is the goal I achieve prior to every exam, then the marks would logically follow in queue. I know it seems arrogant that I reject my mother's assessment and design my own philosophy to justify not re-adjusting my habits/lifestyle, but it's not something I believe for convenience as much as a basis for my own life. I see every opportunity ahead of me,academic or extra-curricular, with enthusiasm, regardless of whether or not it fits into my scheme of things or my mental image of myself. If the effort remains unwavering, results can never be far away.

That being said, I must admit I have been far more lazy in my approach to these exams than I can afford. Buckling down and working my socks is I guess the only option ahead of me. My exams shall carry on from the 18th of November to the 1st of December, so I suppose a small delay is expected till my next update. This domain just feels like home again!

Until the exam tide weakens and passes on..........I bid adieu!