The holidays could not have ended on a worse note, and I find myself suffering from one of the greatest bouts of depression I've ever had! My grandfather's death and subsequent funeral has left me emotionally unstable, and the tuition classes which I missed as a result of my unplanned trip home has left me facing expulsion from my Chemistry tuition! Inspite of attempting to explain the cause of my absence, Christudas Sir seemed too irritated and peeved to listen, and I'm unsure if he properly understood what I attempted to convey! He's asked me to phone him on the 10th to learn his final decision on whether I can continue at his tuition next year! With a majority of tuition centres already bursting at the seams with the new year's admissions, my chances of enrolling at another centre at such short notice seem bleak. Thus, having to undergo self-preparation for Chemistry for the Entrance exams seems a scary, yet very real possibility!
Strangely enough, my anxiety is being compounded by the nightmares I seem to be having about the results I shall be greeted with when my report card arrives in May. When Misery comes, it comes in force! Parental pressure has already been heightened a few notches, and my results will definitely result in a further tightening of screws! My closest relationships are getting strained, and I feel I'm being swept away by the tides with no means to plant my feet firmly in the ground! Needless to say, the nerves are building! The only consolation I have so far, is the comforting news that I've been promoted to 12-B next year, and hence, haven't fallen victim to the erratic shuffling that's taken place! Thus, my academic future also seems uncertain at the moment. With mounting fears of the challenges of the year ahead and how prepared/unprepared I am to face them, I find myself in the WORST frame of mind heading into the new year!
I find myself in emotional and psychological chaos, and no number of cricket games, mindless rock or soulful songs, and messenger chats seem to be dissolving my fears! All I can do now is wait and watch, wait for this mental phase to pass by and for some semblance of normalcy to return to my life!
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