Seeking My Quantum of Solace??

Kindly forgive the generous help I had in the title of this post from 007's new yet-to-be-released adventure, but its aptness was unmatchable. Another day, and another exam has passed by....if I sound depressed or stuck firmly in the doldrums, you'll be pleasantly surprised. None of the exams I've given so far have disappointed me(well, not until the results arrive at least!). My confidence is irrelevant, for it is overshadowed by a steely resolve, to graft out a result, which I pray and believe I am capable of. "Do and Die", is the closest phrase which could summarize my...but something else lingers at the back of my mind. Perhaps it is the realization that the past 2 years of my academic life will come to an all-too-abrupt end ( excluding BITSAT and CUSAT) within a week. Beyond the horizon, the picture remains, at best, hazy. Though the course I adopt is dependent on the results that I finally manage in these 6 exams, my purview reaches far beyond just the immediate future.

There is yet, a lack of direction in my life. I've found a loving family, loyal friends, and like those around me, hope to someday earn my livelihood through a respectable occupation which I thoroughly enjoy. Yet something remains amiss. These feelings are hard to comprehend, and even harder, in my eyes, to explain to anyone outside my doubt-riddled mind! That definitive sense of purpose, the single-minded resolve to reach a destination where you feel you could do yourself justice, and honour the name of the Saviour On High, is missing. There are goals that define our existence: wealth, security, family....yet these amount to little for lives devoid of meaning, to ourselves and to others. Life is hardly about accomplishments, but more than that, it is a journey of self-discovery : A bid to learn one's true calling, and to use our own unique gifts to the purpose He intended. I, as yet, struggle to see that roadmap charted out for me since my birth.

There is only so much that remains certain...the courses I shall prefer, the institutes I would dream of joining, but beyond that, my mind draws a blank. The remedy : God Alone Knows! As for now, I'd love nothing more than to relax after the 27th. A weekend, devoid of telephones, mobile phones, computers, TVs, or anything close to my regular life! A time to reflect on what I've done over these past 17 years, and what path I must follow, to be able to look back at my life without an ounce of regret! A moment of peace and quiet, with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, and a cool breeze(as if that exists in Trivandrum) to pacify me! A week later, this may appear an utterly boring proposition, but for now, to dream of such an improbable get-away, brings me great joy and comfort! The promise of solitude seems a dream worth pursuing at times!