A Whispered Goodbye.......

It seems strangely ironic...that only a couple of days following a post about my aspirations for Feb 8th, I'm forced to reflect on the shaterring of those very dreams! It's official....the 2007-08 12th batch is the first batch since the inception of St. Thomas Central School in 1990 to be denied a farewell from its juniors!

It's hard to describe how disappointed this announcement makes me, and without doubt, others as well! The desires and expectations which I had for so long harboured, reduced to wishful thinking in mere seconds!

I cannot claim that our batch has been free of guilt, wronged cruelly by a vindictive faculty....for that would be turning a blind eye to everything we have done. Yes, there have been instances where sections of our batch(not all) have misbehaved, almost illogically and immaturely! School Day '07, Farewell '07, Christmas celebrations '07, and a handful of other smaller misdemeanours....we do have a history of ill-conceived acts of rebellion....I confess, that on School Day '07, I was among the guilty party! In protest against the heavy-handed approach of the Malayalam teachers in script selection, a section of our batch chose to greet the Malayalam drama on School Day with a chorus of "kooval" from the back of the audience! Though it may have seemed fun at the time, the distinct pang of guilt and shame struck me only later when I realized what we had truly "accomplished"....... little more than meaninglessly hurting the sentiments of our friends who'd risked their reputations to carry the drama forward, under circumstances none of them had hoped for at the very beginning! It remains, till today, one of the deepest regrets of my school life....betraying my friends for such trivial of causes!

Farewell '07 was another such incident. The slightly excessive teacher interference drove several of my batchmates to quit their acts out of frustration and resentment! Battle lines were drawn, and those of us(including me) who chose to ignore the cries for withdrawal, to give(or at least ATTEMPT to give) our seniors a worthy farewell were seen as traitors, or cowards. Though I'm happy that I'd learnt my lesson, and chose to follow what I knew and felt was right this time around, little that occurred that day makes me beam with pride! Judging from reactions, the programme turned out worse than expected( and feared) : An endless barrage of flop jokes, songs, and dances (not my views, for I saw little, if anything)!....The rude jeers,"kooval" and sarcastic laughs made it appear that the batch was at war...with itself! I shall never understand how they succumbed to the same temptation twice, inspite of the toll our immature act had taken on some of the Malayalam Drama participants for School Day !....Christmas '07, was for certain a just cause, but marred by flared tempers and over-zealous and unreasonable demands....what should have been resolved in the simplest of manners with a small apology perhaps, or even a mere recognition of wrong-doing, snowballed into a near riot-like scenario! That, was undoubtedly, the inexperience of our years on display....rather than focus our attention on the issue at hand, we chose to let anger and frustration rule our judgements, protest as a hostile mob rather than asking merely a handful of eye-witnesses to state what they had seen to the rest of the faculty or to the Principal! Not only did we fail to convey our protest properly, but in effect, ignored our duties as STUDENTS, and hampered our relations with teachers for whom we hold the utmost respect! Similar incidents, though much smaller in magnitude, would undoubtedly taint whatever legacy this batch leaves!......

Can these incidents be forgotten? Arguably not! Forgiven? I would hope so....though it may be a lot to ask for, forgiveness is a virtue, and there is no environment better suited for us to learn from such mistakes, than our school! Every experience helps us to grow and mature in its own way. It would be a shame if my relationship with some of the teachers whom I most deeply admire and respect were to be tarnished by unsavoury incidents such as these! Blame it upon our immaturity and recklessness, but I doubt anyone among us who reflects upon these incidents would remain ignorant of his wrong-doings ! Though an apology for all those hurtful moments would sound hollow and untrue, we are taught as children that it's never too late to repent and ask forgiveness!

Can I blame my teachers for cancelling farewell plans this year? NO!....for we have done little, I believe, to earn their sympathy in this regard. It is not within my right to ask for one, I fear! There is little I can say or do, except prepare for a "whispered goodbye", the likes of which I had dreaded ever since Farewell '07, and wish fruitlessly that I could turn back the clock and undo the mistakes of the past !.............