Fading Away Without a Trace...........

The tag of "alumnus" now rests upon my shoulders...and in the most uncomfortable manner. Expectations of Feb 8th, at an all-time low after the news that our batch would be denied a Farewell, were reduced to fruitless ambitions of a deranged mind! What was meant to be a significant attempt at gaining emotional closure at the end of an incredible 7 years of learning in the protected, familiar, cozy environment of STCS turned out to be an eye-opener : Clearly, there is no love lost between this batch and the faculty!

Though I hate to admit so, it appeared, in all honesty, an attempt by the school, to wash its hands off our batch! It showed that little from the past had been forgiven, if not forgotten! The final day disappointed in ways I cannot explain! The cloud of gloom looms because of the incredibly formal, almost uncaring manner in which the batch was shipped out at about 11 am. This was arguably the worst way I could've ended the school year, and it seems there truly is no looking back . Are we worse than the batches before? Perhaps, or perhaps not...... but the treatment meted out on the final day is indicative that our immature acts of rebellion struck home a great deal more than those of previous years! The anti-establishment mindset has been a trademark of 12th Stds. for several years, and unwanted disturbances have been created each year, but perhaps, never received with such hostility from the faculty. Such actions are scarcely ever aimed at showing disrespect to the faculty, but a celebration of perhaps our last opportunity to break the norms, to challenge the system!

Am I perhaps, judging the faculty's intentions harshly? With no explanations being offered about the morning's events, how else am I to interpret them? What disappoints me the greatest, is that, this show of apathy to the departing 12th has hardened the hearts of not only someone like me, a San Thomite for seven long years, but even those who've spent 14 years walking through these very same corridors...it's left them with a sense of bitterness and disgust...disgust at the way the school has treated its strongest supporters. It's justified the opinions of those who've only stayed in this school long enough to see it's shortcomings, or those who've only ever spared enough of their time to harp on its drawbacks! MY fear is that this un-emotional, almost robotic goodbye, will shred to pieces any little sense of loyalty that existed among us towards the school..... from newcomers to old-timers alike....! Why should we yearn to belong to a place where we CLEARLY are no longer welcome?

Yes, the faculty is composed of humans with the same right to feel outrage and disappointment at the actions of their pupils...but (and I say this with no intention of preaching), it's also true that forgiveness is among the duties of every teacher! Their charges may be too irresponsible to pay heed to their duties, but they certainly are not. How do you learn to dust yourself and stand up again....if you never feel the discomfort of falling on your face??....Where can we afford to fall, if not in the protected environment of our school? Perhaps that is why I've never wanted to be a teacher...the job entails a demanding commitment to educating a generation which respects only those whom it finds worthy. Respect is no longer given to every teacher by default, in much the same way that dedication is no longer a guarantee among all teachers! Some of us may hold on to our personal grudges for whatever inconsequential reasons, but I'd expected my more learned, world-wise teachers to rise above their own with far greater ease. Was a little forgiveness, even on our final day, too much to ask for??

There is disappointment, but I sense it'll fade away as quickly as our affiliation with the school! There is a deep sense of betrayal prevalent, erupting wildly in some minds, while lying dormant in others! We will return,perhaps on the 22nd for our hall tickets, and later to receive our mark sheets, T.C.'s and caution deposits, but I doubt if many of us will have anything on our minds except a 3-step simple come-collect-leave plan....what should we linger around for?? Some of us will return, maybe a handful in number, perhaps for personal reasons, and I'm sure I'll be among them....I'll return to meet those teachers, whom I admire, love, and respect, and who, I believe, would have found the courage to forgive me for whatever offences I may have committed individually or as a member of my batch! My loyalty to those few, remains unchallenged.......but I know now that the next time I step out of those gates, I'll have no other reason to turn back, and nor will any of the friends who accompany me!

The teacher-student relationship in our batch is perhaps, irreparably tarnished, and there is little now that can be done! To the teachers who may read this post, I would say only this :

"Bravo, and congratulations, because if you sought to punish us and hurt us for the wrongs we'd done in the past, you certainly succeeded! You struck us in the very place where the scars will run so deep that they may never heal! I cannot blame you, but only laugh at the irony of it all.......Does anybody truly believe in the notion of a "higher purpose"??If not our teachers, then
who else? Narrow-mindedness is a universal disease, so it would seem......For ALL that this achieved was to break young hearts terribly, some more than others!"

To my friends who may read this post, take comfort in the fact that disappointment cripples not you alone, but countless others just as much! It is, after all, my only source of solace! As the Principal stated so well in his speech.." You Carry The Flag of St. Thomas Wherever You Go! "---I have the scars now to prove it, but they are not badges of honour, but of everything else....disappointment,betrayal and insult! I sense there is little more to be said, and so...I sign off...hoping next to sign in on a much sunnier morning in June!