Au Revoir

The STCS '08 batch re-union proved to be a mixed bag in terms of the final impact it had upon my daily routine and the boredom that seems to have gripped my very existence! About 35-40 of us who had been in town at the time chose to attend the get-together at Park Rajdhani, Ulloor for a not-so-quiet buffet lunch at Rs. 149 per head. From familiar faces to those whose faces took a while to register, the crowd was an ensemble of students of different intellects, popularity and interests. The lunch itself was fairly good. At the given price, it was certainly a grade better than the food at Sindhoor Park, the venue of a majority of our previous re-unions. My stomach, unfortunately, today could not seem to bear the same wear-and-tear in one sitting that it had managed to so often in the past. In between the chowing down, friendly chat and banter continued as usual. The occasional joke, the frequent comparisons of the lives of hostelers at colleges in different parts of the country, the "ragging" debates, kept the atmosphere vibrant.

In between and post-lunch, photo sessions raged on, with a camera in almost every hand. Though a fair few of my shots were spoiled to the unruly people I was attempting to photograph, a small minority turned out pretty well. After pigging out on multiple helpings of ice cream and gulab jamun, we retreated to the park behind the buffet area, resting in the shade, chairs lined up around a round table, making a racket at random intervals for no apparent reason, and taking potshots at each other in good humour.


I don't deny that I had my fair share of fun in the process, but perhaps, as an extension of the sombre mood that darkens my current outlook on life, the satisfaction was missing. Yes, I met some friends whose faces I'd never seen over the past 4-5 months. I'd had more than double the recommended 15 mins of laughter a day. Yet, there was an air of monotony about the experience. The concept, perhaps in my mind, has grown stale. Even though I enjoyed meeting them all once again, it in no way felt the same as school. Perhaps the disappointment of the cancellation of the original re-union plan had not washed away. Our farewell was originally planned as a massive function at Sri Mulam Club, Vazhuthacaud. There would be food, music, a stage, and basically every surplus requirement we would need to add an extra zing to the uninspiring re-unions of the past : a party, almost completely uncontrolled, and whose success depended upon only the guests that arrived! The idea stuck in my head and the countdown had been resounding in my head like a ticking time-bomb ever since I'd first heard it! Yet, inspite of the best-laid plans, the dream failed to culminate into even half the event I had imagined! The bus ride back home, thus ended in a complete failure to gather my thoughts. To be honest, I don't know what to make of how I felt about the day. Perhaps, with the growth of stronger relationships in my new world, a re-acquaintance with old friends may be more cherishable. It is only once you feel yoursef start to lose something that you cherish and value every effort that counters it! Maybe I still don't feel like I'm losing them! Or maybe the urge to move on feels too great to keep looking back, and the frequency of these re-unions only seems to drain away their utility and importance.

An Alumni meeting draws near, scheduled for the 10th of Jan. I don't know how enthusiastic I'll be to return as that day draws nearer, but for now, the thought of returning so soon is far from my mind! I may be the first to arrive, or may fail to show up entirely : my world is as confusing to me now as ever. In all probability, given the chance to meet a far wider spectrum of my batchmates, and to interact with some of the teachers who I still yearn to see again, my return is inevitable. Until that day, as the departure of the Chennai Mail lies 14 hours ahead, it's time to say "Au Revoir" to the town I love!

The Long and Winding Road

The past 10 days have breezed by leaving barely a trace. Needless to say, a lot remains to be said and done, and precious little of what I'd planned to do within the scope of 10 days has actually come to fruition. A deep sense of frustration lingers, and the heart longs to stay where I feel most comfortable. The transition from life at home to life at a hostel has proved far more challenging than I imagined. I still feel none of the attachment to my current place of residence as I imagined i would have it this stage. The heart, still, very much lies at home!

The fact that college life itself hasn't endeared itself to me all that much is particularly unnerving. Very few of the periods in the week actually manage to capture my interest, and several of them probably wouldn't ever command it, even if I were a picture of concentration! Perhaps my marks may reflect the very same attitude. Neither poor, nor outstanding by my estimation : indicative of a supreme lack of interest! My results will only start to trickle in once I return to college on the 29th, and needless to say, I'm not looking forward to that day. Although I feel I could get along with almost everyone in my class, I haven't yet felt that deep a bond with many in my new surroundings. A majority of them still seem like strangers to me, inspite of having talked to them and conversed on a variety of topics and on a number of occasions. There still remains that gray area in the back of mind which prevents me from completely submitting myself to a new relationship. It's bewildering : the urge and the drive to move on are very much in place, but the process fails before it can even begin!

People tell me that this phase is temporary ; that adjusting to a change of this magnitude requires as much patience as it does will. I sincerely hope they're right, for at the moment, the end doesn't seem very much in sight! My own self feels diminished, as if every time I speak and interact with anyone, it's a guarded and measured me whose voice is heard. I see myself retreating into a shell, one which I hope I could well break out of once the liberating air of freedom drifts into my aching lungs. Were I to travel back to a few months before the entrance, I doubt I'd see much resemblance between the person I was and the one I now am. The freedom to be me is what I seek, and yet, for some reason I feel devoid of it, and I know not due to what or whom. It's intensely suffocating, and just one among the reasons why I don't feel like leaving tomorrow. But my bags are packed, and my ticket booked. Eventualities seem to be the order of the day. For the moment, I seldom feel myself to be the master of my own destiny. The long and winding road leads on, my frail legs yielding to its incessant call!

A Touch of Heaven

Hariharan's most recent offering, a collection of ghazals released as an album titled 'Kaash', is truly a brilliant reflection of his vocal mastery. I came across the song "Jhoom Le" from this album during the show "In Memory", aired on NDTV : a musical tribute to the heroes of the 26/11 Mumbai terror attacks. Listening to him sing the song live was truly enchanting. Hariharan's soft, silky voice is very soothing, and the lyrics, in particular, of each of these songs, is superlative!
Ghazal fan or not, this song, and this album as a whole, is certainly worth a listen!

Click here to listen to a Youtube video of "Jhoom Le"

Glory to the New-born King...........

Christmas, and religion as a whole, have their beauty entwined in the different meanings that they bear for each individual. To those who have lost their near and dear in the several instances of violence over the past year, it is a day to help kick-start their healing process, that the wounds of the past no longer cloud their futures. To wide-eyed children, the pinnacle of innocence, it is just another annual celebration in a country whose yearly calendar is littered with them. Then there are those like me, who, staying away from home, use this time to catch up with friends and family alike, to cuddle up in the warm blanket of familiarity before returning to a still-foreign city. To some, the gifts and material value of the holiday bear more significance, while for others, the spirit of the occasion remains supreme in their hearts.


I read a wonderful article in the editorial section of the Hindu today, which forms part of the inspiration behind this post. The other inspirations include my own experiences as well as talks with Joel, a fellow hosteler with whom I tend to spend many hours discussing matters theological in nature. Christmas, to any Christian, is the celebration of the noblest sacrifice : the act of a father sacrificing the life of his only begotten son, to help reform and bring back to the fold, his beloved sheep who had strayed away from his flock. According to my faith, had this sacrifice not been made, the fate of you and I in the after-life would have been sealed long before either one of us could prove his worth to the Creator. "He sent me Christ, because he loved me before my eyes could see" : this, in the most concise manner, conveys the emotions that every Christian feels on this auspicious day. To allow a world of sinners to seek redemption, God sent his son Jesus, the very personification of a true child of God, in human form, that others may listen to him, see him, touch him, and hence, yearn to be like him, so that they, as He, could be assured of their place in the new Jerusalem. Yes, you can point out certain points where the Bible contradicts known science, but that is the case with every Holy Book. Whether you choose to accept it at face-value or argue with it until the day of reckoning arrives is your own choice, but for me, this much can never be questioned, because Christ was not the figment of anyone's imagination. His life was documented by thousands of individuals who could yield no possible gain from spreading lies. The propagation of the word of God was hindered in different parts of the world by different kings, and those who dared to be a part of it were cruelly prosecuted, yet the religion survives and prospers today because the word of God cannot be suppressed.

Though at times, the significance of the holiday may appear to be diluted by the growth of its commercial side, it is still as much relevant now as it was 2008 years ago. Regardless of one's faith, being a historical character, it cannot be argued that Christ was not only a Messiah for followers of the Christian faith, but also a role model for every human being on this Earth. During his short lifetime, he communicated the need for every individual to have his own personal connection with the Almighty. He spoke out against the Jewish clergy of the time, which, he believed, had corrupted the Abrahamic faith. He attacked the traders who used the House of God as a place of business. Sadly, a majority of our places of worship today seek to gain just as much financial revenue from their flock as the spiritual guidance they provide. Our faith in God should never depend on the teachings of bishops, mullahs, and pujaris, for very few truly understand and speak the word of God as he intends it. He was tempted by the same Satanic tendencies and urges which lead so many of us humans astray, yet his unshakeable faith in the Father in Heaven enabled him to rise above and rebuke them.

To leave the fate of such a loving, dutiful son in the hands of a swarm of sinners blinded by the temptations of Satan would seem unthinkable to us, yet God chose to make that sacrifice. His forgiveness and mercy knows no bounds. If we are to be worthy of his Love inspite of our several flaws, then the life of Jesus Christ, for all mankind, should be the measuring stick for our own journeys through life.

Christmas is an occasion to forget our worldly desires and ambitions and the headaches which accompany the task of achieving them. It is an occasion to celebrate our very own humanity, to celebrate the inner goodness in us which is otherwise overshadowed by our glaring flaws. It is a time to bestow upon all of humankind pure, naked love, comparable to that which the Messiah held in his heart for us the day he laid down his life on the cross! Through this incredible journey , we learnt how to live!

To one and all who may come across this blog, my heartfelt apologies that this post appears on this space so late on the night of the 25th of December. Having arrived home late from a trip to Kozhencherry, there could've been no other time! I hope you had a joyous Christmas, and wish that the coming year heralds even more memories to cherish than the one that will soon pass us by! May God bless us all!

" Hark! the herald angels sing

Glory to the new-born King!

Peace on earth and mercy mild,

God and sinners reconciled!

Joyful, all ye nations, rise,

Join the triumph of the skies;

With the angelic host proclaim

Christ is born in Bethlehem!

Hark! the herald angels sing

Glory to the new-born King! "

Small Town Boy

Back home since the 18th, it's a pleasure to be able to put my feet up on the same familiar stool as I blog about the significant(to me) additions to my ever-unfolding journey through life! I've discovered a fair few things about myself in my near 3-month stay at a hostel in an unknown city! Perhaps the best change that this experience has induced in me is an ability to adjust and relate to others in whatever circumstance. When placed in a group, I usually tend to connect only with those who share common interests or think along the same lines. My interactions with the hostel lot, though have become jovial and friendly irrespective of the obvious differences I have with some of them! Though the initial few days may have been awkward, it now seems as if I'd been living with my roommates for years. The initial insecurity has disappeared, replaced by a self-assuredness and confidence that would serve me well in years to come!


I've also learnt of one key element of my character : that, in my heart of hearts, I am a small town boy! Yes, it mite be too early to say, but undoubtedly, the madness of an always-on-the-move metro such as Ernakulam doesn't appeal to me. I prefer the small-town atmosphere of Thiruvananthapuram, where crossing the roads isn't a life-or-death decision, where buses aren't as crowded, where life isn't as hectic! The lifestyle, shopping and the general avenues of entertainment may be far better in Ernakulam, but the peaceful ambience of the capital earns more points with me on any day!

The going has been slow in terms of festivities : inspite of it being Christmas season, I for some reason, don't seem to be filled with the spirit at the moment. Having had to spend my first few days attempting to sort out the problems of my PC at home, undoubtedly, contributed to this lack of festive cheer! It seems my PC is a safe haven for the world's choiciest spywares, trojans and worms, all undetectable by AVG, apart from the fact that every version of Windows ends up becoming corrupt a few months after installation. I often wonder if these are merely complaints of the general public, or misfortunes that follow me around like a personal storm cloud, precipitating misery at will! Guess it's time to dig up those old carol cassettes to sprinkle a dash of Christmas joy!

The re-union on the 27th, it appears, has been cancelled due to a lack of participation, bringing my great anticipation crashing to its knees. It seems ever grand plan that every comes upon us is doomed for disaster, as if to think big is a crime! I sense the mood of gloom and quiet desperation is evident in my style of writing! Tomorrow, thankfully, promises a cricket match at the old SAP stadium, which should lift my spirits considerably! Meeting old friends once again on a cricket field ought to dig up happier memories from the past.

Tread Lightly !

A nation bays for blood as the memory of events 3 weeks ago linger on in the mind, igniting passions like never before. A newly-empowered media feeds off the public hunger for retribution, organizing shows and interviews with "expert" guests to analyse the road ahead, each pretending to be Prime-Minister-for-a-day!

While I respect the passions that have arisen among my countrymen post 26/11, a lingering fear at the back of my mind has grown into full-fledged panic : war cries can be heard from different corners, some subtle, and some hardly so! The aam aadmi may still consider bijli-sadak-paani to be of prime importance, as was evident from the results of recent assembly polls, but the intelligentsia which hold true power in this country, and whose voices are most loudly heard by a hard-of-hearing-bureaucracy, seem to have retribution firmly engraved in their minds.

Among the darkness, there is the need for voices of sanity to speak out as beacons of hope and change. Do not get swayed by the rhetoric of an increasingly reckless media and the ever-opportunistic political class. Our aims, and our demands, should remain clear, and beyond corruption! The focus of this administration, and of every other administration that follows, should be the overall security of its people : the rozi roti should not be separated from the need for protection against terrorist threats : both are equally important. Our coastlines are vulnerable, our police force poorly trained and ill-equipped, our borders porous, our intelligence agencies clueless and our citizens unaware : Internal security should remain the prime concern for our government at this juncture : to ensure that lapses of the sort that occurred in relation to the Mumbai attacks are never again repeated! Attacks will occur in the future, without doubt, for we live in a world of conflicting ideologies, where the values of tolerance and understanding grow increasingly scarce! Limiting their scope, and saving as many lives as possible, is, however, the duty and obligation of the ruling class.

The issue of Pakistan, and who truly is in control, is complex, and to be treated with care. What concerns me is the lacksadaisical manner in which the media, with expert panels featuring actors, singers, NGOs and CEOs, attempts to peek into the future to predict the nature of the response that will/should emerge from the government! Since when have these faces developed such vast skills in international diplomacy? They are entitled to their opinion, as is every citizen of this nation, but for them to pose as policy-makers in a media-concocted fantasy is simply ridiculous! From the chaiwallah down the street to your favourite barber, every citizen of this country feels he/she knows what must be done to solve this country's problems. But when the onus is upon them, the vast majority of them fail to come up with any coherent policy to bring about this "change" we seek : we speak from experience, because we HAVE elected a lot of these chaiwallahs to office, and bear the brunt of our folly today!

Exercising military force should NEVER....and I repeat... SHOULD NEVER come under consideration. To restrain from such brute force is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of maturity! In dark times, it is all-too-simple to propagate violence than to propagate peace. Our response must remain measured. Diplomatic pressure from different corners, economic sanctions, trade embargos will force the Pakistani government to tow the Indian line. This will ensure that the fledgeling government of Pakistan, regardless of the manner in which it was formed and the nature of elections conducted, remains relevant. The ISI and the Pakistan Army may be beyond the control of the Pakistani civillian government, but for India to discredit the authenticity and to undermine the authority of this government is to play into the hands of the Army. Air strikes against terrorist camps and installations may yield short-term gains, but ultimately, will only do our cause greater harm! The Taliban and Pashtuns which control much of Pakistan's Western Front, could possibly unite with the Army under the banner of "Pakistani nationalism". The Pakistan Army has shown in the past its overwhelming lust for power : should the democratic government of Pakistan be undermined domestically and internationally any further, the situation may yet arise once again! The Pakistan Army would then be able to focus on the Indian border, rather than being distracted by the losses incurred during its current internal battle with the militant tribes in the Western Areas. The Army would exercise every resource under its disposal, including nuclear arms, to ensure victory. A nuclear exchange is a conflict that the sub-continent, and the world at large cannot afford! Though we may prove victorious in the long haul, the loss of lives will be too great to allow any sense of jubilation! Let us not deploy our armed forces with the same sort of reckless abandon that has led America into the quagmire that is the Iraq War.

The deaths of innocents and of security personnel during those 3 horrific days affected every one of us, and with due respect to those who lost parents, children, friends and neighbours in the attacks, though their grief may be incomprehensible to people like me, to adopt an "eye-for-an-eye" approach would be devastating to world peace. A single misstep could send the region hurtling towards decades of instability! This is no time to give in to machoistic or jingoistic urges! It is a time to tread lightly, to absorb selectively the information we receive from the media, to separate the objective report from the emotional outcry that may or may not be truly honest, and develop informed opinions. This must not be our 9/11, but rather, our own, distinct 26/11, characterized by a measured and calculated response for the world to admire and emulate! Our increased significance in a multi-polar world bestows upon us an increased responsibility to promote harmony among the nations of the world, and it is a responsibility we CANNOT shirk!

26/11 - Anarchy Re-defined

It's been more than a week since the events that unfolded in the Maximum city shook the country. The tardiness in my response is regretted. Simply put, it's taken me the whole of these past 11 days to absorb the event in its entirety, the ramifications and the road ahead. The kind of enclosed world in which I currently reside, in my first year in college, obviously did not hasten my response. The wave of emotions that swept me with each passing moment made it especially difficult to gather my thoughts. Briefing anyone on the events that occurred isn't my purpose, for anyone with a radio or television in this country probably caught 72 hours of uninterrupted coverage and is tired of being reminded of the horrific scenes splashed across the front page of every newspaper.

It seems every time the city of my birth makes news, it does so for all the wrong reasons. A month and a half ago, it was an arrogant, gutless Raj Thackeray who drew deep wedges into the cosmopolitan fabric of Mumbai in a bid to garner political mileage. The frighteningly ruthless terror attacks only compounded the sense of misery I feel every time I reminisce about the city I grew up in, and the state it is in now.

The anger in the air is palpable. An urge to set things right with our democracy can be felt in the hearts of every mind. As citizens, while remembering the sacrifices of our valiant NSGs and policemen and giving them the honour due to them, our duty remains to utilize this as an opportunity to unite inspite of our petty differences in caste,creed,religion or ideology. The need for reform at every level is evident even to the layman. From the chaiwala around the corner, to our favourite filmstar, to the cash-rich CEO, everyone has his own set of ideas ; his own demands of the government on what must be done. The fierce passion that this attack has produced in the minds of our people should be channeled in constructive ways. Questions must be raised of the government in power. The media cannot be our only voice in a working democracy.

The ideals of democracy, rather than withering away, should be re-inforced by this attack. The government, should at every level, maintain its composure in relation to foreign affairs. Though the tendency remains to exercise the military option against our fair-weather friend across the border, the offer must never be placed on the table. A conflict between the only two nuclear-armed states of the sub-continent will beget only more violence, hatred and bloodshed which will benefit no-one other than the vile dogs perpetrating it from their hideouts along the Afghan-Pak border and in camps in POK. The democracy of Pakistan, freshly restored, is still a fledgeling in relation to ours, and hence must be pressured diplomatically rather than placed at gunpoint. It is common knowledge that the government of Pakistan is not the sole power centre in the country. Let us not doubt the will of the Pakistani people to nurture better relations with us. While I agree with the suspension of trade talks and CBM proposals until concrete action is taken by the government of Pakistan to aid in the investigation and arrest of the persons responsible for the attack, allowing the peace process in itself to die out should never be considered. The stability,safety and security of the region depends too heavily on the peaceful resolution of all outstanding issues between our two nations.

At the domestic front, the single most important that must be ingrained into the mind of every politician in this country, be they of the BJP,BSP,INC,Left or any other goddamn school of ideology, is ACCOUNTABILITY. Considering that nearly 1000 Indians have become victims of terror in 2008 alone, why doesn't it come as a shock that the name "SHIVRAJ PATIL" was still associated with the post of Home Minister ? Did he, during his tenure, do anything besides blame intelligence failures for every attack and after a few weeks, conveniently forget about the very "loopholes" he claimed existed ? Why did the message take that long to reach home : "You're a lame duck with no ideas. Kindly raise your useless bottom off of the Minister's chair!" ? Why is Narendra Modi not put in his place by the public of Gujarat, for defiling the name of the now late Hemant Karkare when it suited his political agenda? Where is the gutless coward who claims to represent the "Marathi Manoos", terrorizes North Indians and seeks bail the very day he's arrested for his so-called "heroics"? Why does that vile scum choose to remain silent?

Our anger should not be directed towards our democracy or towards the political class as a whole : it should be channeled against those politicians who remain ineffective in power, spread hate among the masses, or simply are past the expiry date to the extent where changing their own medical insurance plan seems their most RADICAL new idea. We need new blood, new ideas, and fresh commitment on the part of our leaders. We need to let our own concerns and issues, and vision for the future for this country be known through the ballot as well as through a general movement towards greater political awareness. Modernisation of our forces, better pay-checks to our men, greater security for ordinary citizens, and not merely for VVIPs, diplomatic efforts to stamp out bases across the border, sincere efforts to check radical elements within our own nation. Though we may admit it or not, our own society is proving to be a breeding ground for disillusionment and frustration among minority communities upon which terrorism thrives. The youth of this country, given the same commitment as that being shown by the drug-addicted, gun-toting bastards who held Mumbai hostage for 3 days, can bring about a sea change in our democracy. As an individual, my first priority is to register to vote. I plan to try that as soon as the December holidays approach, possibly resorting to online registration at Jaagore.com . Having just turned 18, voting in the present elections might not be possible, but I certainly will vote in every one of the elections that follow. Furthermore, in the future, whenever memorials are held for this event, or protest marches are organized on a large scale in my city, I'd be among the first to sign up. If I ever get to do so, I'd even like to organize such events and gatherings : any way in which I felt I could, I'd speak up for myself. I don't mean to preach or lecture, that others may develop a slightly heightened sense of respect for me than they do at present. I speak from the heart, just as nearly 1 lakh citizens did on a dark November night by lighting candles to serve as beacons of hope in a dark time. I don't care if these ideas sound pathetic and insignificant in the broader scale of things, but they would mean a lot to me as an individual. Unless we take collective responsibility for our failures, our tag of being a "thriving, living democracy" will never truly bear any meaning. Power rests with the people, to delegate it to whoever they chose.

It is a time for peace, unity, solidarity and a renewed commitment to learn from our lapses and reform ourselves and our government to meet the challenges of being a constant terror target. The events of 26/11 may either prove a watershed in the history of our still-growing democracy and our battle against the forces of extremism, or merely another link in a chain of events that will lead to the disintegration of our nation and its decline to a new definition of anarcy.

I Love My Desi Girl

I suppose the title of the post gives away the main content. I've just returned from a screening of Dostana. The film earns a respectable 3 out of 5. It's an enjoyable watch, and would've probably been a better movie had the last 30 mins been different. The first half is incredibly funny, and the second half is good in parts, but senseless at times. Two songs, namely "Desi Girl" and "Jaane Kyun" are quite catchy, while the rest are simply average. In terms of acting, John Abraham and Bobby Deol are no better in terms of their expressions than what we've seen in the past. John looks impressively sculpted, but could make do with a more facial expressions to juggle with. Abhishek Bachchan, surprisingly, acts quite naturally, and gives full credibility to his role. Boman Irani and Kirron Kher play out their cameos superbly. The film is enjoyable due to the witty and slightly risque humour ( featuring mostly in the first half and used only sparingly in the second), and the good chemistry that the lead actors seem to share. The main selling point of this film for most people, inspite of surprise package Abhishek, would be Priyanka.

The last time an actress took my breath away in this manner was probably when I watched Jodha Akbar, featuring Aishwarya Rai wearing close to no make-up at all. Priyanka Chopra is simply breathtaking in Dostana. Her acting is fairly good, but her role, to be honest, is less challenging than that of the male leads. The movie made more physical demands of her than thespian ones. Still, there's no escaping the fact that she looks amazing. Captivating eyes, gorgeous hair and a breathtaking face : I don't bother to elaborate on her figure because it's probably the main selling point of the film, judging by the trailers and promos. She takes my breath away in every sequence of the film, especially her gentle smile during the brief crying scene. Simply put, this desi girl has no equal at the moment!

Sights and Sounds of MEC

While I admit that I'm still not too upbeat about my college, there have been a handful of colourful characters and a smattering of small incidents that have made these past 1 and a half months an interesting period.

Firstly, my fellow 1st year hostelers are a group I have come to really appreciate. Contrary to my expectations, not one of them has given me the sort of bad vibes that I'd imagined I would encounter. After all, no matter how friendly or nice you try to be, not everyone in the crowd can communicate with you on the same wavelength. There are a few, above others, who I've taken a liking to. Firstly, my roommates, Sebin and Nikhil, are probably the best I could've hoped for. They're neither ultra-padipist nor brainless twits, which gives me the freedom to stay loose while at the same time keeping track of my academic goals. Admittedly, our study schedules aren't as jam-packed as those of some of the other hostelers, but then I feel we'll make it through when the series tests come along. The other 1st-yr hostelers are all decent folk, but a few of them, most notably the guys of the infamous room no. 104, seem destined to raise the roof post-Freshers' Day in February. This gives me hope that irrespective of the atmosphere in the college, hostel life will be truly worth cherishing.

On the college front, a number of my classmates have made an impression on me already. In those terms, I'm blessed, for it appears our CS-B batch has possibly the most potential for fun among all the 1st-year batches this year, besides EC-B. Joel, Rony, Sreeram, Sachin, Shafath, Toby, Sidharth and Sooraj and a few others have become fair friends of mine over the past few weeks. Classes haven't been all that interesting, but a few good jokes in between a thousand bad ones generally tend to lift my spirits. Our faculty isn't all that impressive, but a few characters are so unique that I feel I might truly miss them once I pass out from under their tutorship. Most notable among them, is our Chemistry Ma'am, who has arguably the thickest accent I've ever heard, making her words sometimes purely incomprehensible. Our Mechanics and Maths Sirs are probably the best teachers among the lot, and hence, those two subjects remain the prime focus of my very limited study routine.

To some, these mite be the faintest of silver linings among dark clouds too ominous to ignore, but to me, they still auger well for the future. College is meant to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, never replicated, never understood, never explained.....it should be unlike the times gone by, and the times that lie ahead, and what it means to each and every one of us depends on how we perceive it. To that extent, I hope, an optimistic and ever-hopeful view of an at-times gray and confusing time will help make the experience far more memorable.

Back Home Again

With homesickness commanding an early, unplanned return to Trivandrum once again, I find myself stationed behind my familiar desktop PC with a plethora of thoughts on my mind, and few words to express them in. Firstly, although I still have a lot more of Ernakulam to explore, my appreciation for the relatively quiet and peaceful atmosphere of Trivandrum has grown over the past few months. Ernakulam simply seems like a city in a tearing hurry to reach heights it can only aspire to, and the pollution, the maddening crowds and the heat add to the woe. Coming back home gives me respite in some ways, from the rush of the world I'll have to grow used to in the coming years.

Travelling has become less of a pain in that regard, and the 3.5 hours I spend on the Janshatabdi listening to music, taking pictures or reading magazines no longer seem as unbearable as in the past. Stepping onto the platform and smelling the fresher air of this city yet to be touched by the curses of rapid development gives me peace and a sense of tranquility. Until mid-december, I realise that no more such opportunities shall swing my way, so I hope to enjoy this little taste of freedom that I flavour over the next 1 and a half days. The burden of incomplete assignments and records does dampen the mood a bit, but the relief is no less satisfactory. With the series tests coming up, I'll need every bit of mental fortitude I can muster to tide me by these tough times.

The Search Continues

It seems like an endless pursuit : the quest to make peace with the choices I've made in my life! The moment hasn't yet arrived when I can discard all the baggage of the past and start to move on. I've tried several times, but the circumstances and recent events just fail to give me any leeway to do so. Let's face it : I'm not enjoying college to the extent I thought I would be. There are a myriad of reasons why that is, and not all of them can be discussed. I've tried to deny it all along, hoping within my heart of hearts, that smiling in the darkness would usher in the light, but it hasn't yielded any results.

It's quite obvious that among the foremost reasons I haven't been enjoying college to the extent I should be is the fact that I miss my family and friends back home. Yes, I realize that I sound like a wimp when I say this, but I do. The college, in itself, hasn't helped. The overtly school-like atmosphere that prevails over the campus during the first year is truly irritating. At a time when I felt I would be celebrating the greatest degree of freedom I would ever truly experience, I've been tied down to moulds of the past. The spoon-feeding (and I mean SPOON-FEEDING) by the faculty has left a bad taste in my mouth. Though some seniors have assured me that much of this negativity in the minds of most freshers changes or disappears completely in the second year and beyond, I'm not entirely convinced. This acute difficulty in accepting what others say stems from the very knowledge that different people view scenarios differently : a fact that I've learnt the hard way.

For the time being, my sole focus remains to solidify bases from which to grow friendships with classmates, and to fare respectably well in my academics. All other thoughts have been blown away due to the sense of boredom and inactivity that plagues my mind at the moment. I feel boxed in at times, wanting to scream out at the first sight of gap in the walls of my imaginary prison! My sole comfort at this time remain the few friends I've made among my fellow hostelers and my classmates. They've brought a smile to my face every now and then to dissipate the grouchy moods that I tend to slip into now and again. It's a paradox I've never encountered before, and hopefully, one I won't have to for much longer.

To the concerned few who may read my rare ramblings in this blog now and again, I'd like to re-assure them that much of what I say reflects a temporary state of mind, and that looking at the broader picture is often, but not always my mantra. During the Christmas holidays, I hope to publish a few pending posts, including pics and events of the recent past, which I can do only from the comfort of home. Yet, for having read this insane post, I thank you for showing that concern, and bid adieu till I next get the liberty to speak at such length about life @ MEC!

An Iron Hand is the Need of the Hour

It's deja vu for the city of Mumbai. Decades after the rhetoric machine named Balasaheb Thackeray first erupted onto the scene issung a doctrine of hate to incite violence and carnage across the state of Maharashtra, beta Raj is winding the clock back. The assault and persecution of outsiders has been a long-time favourite among the Shiv Sena's vote-gathering tactics. With the Shri Balasaheb's age catching up and the frail leadership of Udhdhav weakening the Sena's grasp on the state, Raj has begun to stoke the fires once again, hoping to draw away some of the votes that have helped the Shiv Sena form governments in the past. Taking on from where the "Me Mumbaikar" and Marathi sign-board campaigns left off, Raj's clarion call has already induced a few vicious attacks on north Indian workers, with more seemingly planned. This violence disturbs me greatly because the city in which I was born, and for which I still share great affection, is being led to the brink of chaos by a stark-raving lunatic.

Mumbai has always been a city that people in the nation look up to and aspire to be a part of. It is one of the few cities in the world that ensure that your dreams can come true if you persist with them. It is a cosmopolitan city, with an ethnically diverse population, unlike a few centuries ago when only Marathi-speaking people populated the land.Though the basis of Raj's argument : that people from outside Maharashtra should try to adapt to and learn from their surrounding Marathi culture rather than stay reserved to their own communities, is legitimate, his actions leave much to be desired. Outsiders do need to attempt to fit in as they move to the maximum city, by absorbing the local culture and learning the local tongue, and they should be encouraged to do so. However, this "encouragement" should never infringe on the fundamental rights of any Indian citizen, North,South, East or West Indian......

What are merely the deranged, remorseless rants of a vile despicable human being seeking only personal and party gain, are being seen by some loose sections of the populace as a call of identity. The same form of divisive and separatist dialogue have been heard from different corners of the country, Kashmir, the North-East, Telangana, and now, after the killing of Tamils in Sri Lanka, even Tamil Nadu. The survival of the Indian democracy is at stake. Even though the present UPA govt has done well to implement legislations such as RTI, NREGA and pushing through the Nuke Deal, it has been SHOCKINGLY poor on issues of internal harmony and security. The need of the hour is a strong central government that stands by the faith of the majority of the populace of a strong, free, united India. Separatism in any part of the country cannot be tolerated, as it will lead to a chain reaction in other states as well. India is a nation of diverse cultures, combining together in harmony to form a single identity. This diversity should be a cause for pride, not a cause for dissent, resentment and separatist tendencies.

Governments of the past as well as the current one have been reluctant to deal with such blatantly shameless vote-bank gathering by state parties. The concern of the Tamils for their cousins in Sri Lanka is justified, but under no circumstances should a state government place pressure on the Centre to alter its foreign policy. Extortion cannot be tolerated, and bluffs such as these should be called as soon as they erupt. The criminal named Raj Thackeray should be dealt with in the manner that Bala Saheb Thackeray should have been treated decades ago : lock up the cell door and throw away the key. There is no place in the world for mongrels who spew doctrines of hate from their foul mouths. Kashmir, being a long-standing debate, must be handled with care, but under no circumstances should the government allow the separatists to dictate terms to the Centre on the peace process. Separatists thrive on regionalism and communalism, and empty rhetoric is their most potent weapon. Unless India elects a Central Government that can dare to challenge their rhetoric and stand up for the idea of a unified India, the future one of the world's greatest democracies will remain shrouded in doubt. 

The Blue Horizon Beyond Dark Clouds

This phase of my life has been one of the most inexplicable of my life. The past month( though it hasn't quite seemed that short) has borne a myriad of experiences which might possibly have a telling effect on my distant future. Though not all is worth revealing on a public space such as this, some of it is. The first, and obviously most disheartening outcome over the last month has been the crashing and burning of a few last-minute 4th allotment CET-CS placement hopes. Though I'd had no such illusions at the time of joining MEC, perhaps the talk around me raised my hopes to a level where they never deserved to be. In either case, disappointment is part of the many setbacks I've learnt to take in my stride, for they only make me yearn to do more and to be more!

Secondly, although it's been only a month into college life, I haven't seen any true indications that I'll fall in love with this college in the coming years. Although this year is probably a lot harder than the years to come, there is a slightly suffocating atmosphere about the campus, beyond just the uniforms and strict teaching, that bothers me. I can imagine that the hostel seems the only refuge for most of my seniors( though I don't truly know them all that well). Hostel life, as of now at least, has proven to be a wholesome experience. I've learnt a fair bit through the day-in and day-out of self-care, without a parent or relative to fend for you. Though I've been relying a fair bit on my kind Uncle living close by for weekend getaways and uniform washing, other transitions have gone about fairly smoothly, and God willing, in another few weeks, I shall be independent in every respect : a notion I've been craving after ever since joining MH. I can't accept that I've enjoyed every second, but I can see 3 years of incredible fun ahead if things stay the same!

On the positive side, a few good friends and a lot of fun with fellow fresher hostelites has helped oveshadow some of the negative vibes I've been having about college life. The next four years will be a challenge for me at this rate, but as always, I remain upbeat......the same sort of psychotic childishness in my character( that I'm proud to portray) will help me in the darkest of times. No degree of confusion or anxiety will ever quench my zest to live life while I can. I never want to grow up...and I pray that I never do. My belief in myself, my future and my God remains : as long as all 3 persist, little can harm me! As was intended by the title, there may forever remain ominous clouds of doubt blocking out the blue sky, but it remains there, even when hidden, ever-available to those who wish to peer through the haze and see it. I may sound delusional, but if delusion is the true source of mental and spiritual happiness, I wanna subscribe to it!

Next is What?

While my feelings towards my college remain blurred and vague, the brightest spark among a fairly dismal first few weeks in college has been my new phone. At long last, I've managed to do away with my good-for-nothing Reliance Classic set and purchased a Samsung SGH J-150. The photo doesn't do it justice, for it actually looks a whole lot better in the palm of your hand! The first and foremost criterion for my buying this phone, was the great quality of its speakers....the volume is perhaps not as great as a Sony Ericsson, but it is just as clear and delightful. I see many hours of head-banging music in my future. The 1.3 Megapixel Camera is much clearer than the Nokia 3110, at least in the handset's display. The clarity will only be truly confirmed once I actually transfer my pics from the mob to my PC. 2 GB memory cards are supported, which is a major plus point. Bluetooth and a variety of decent games add to the list of positives. The look, which I didn't give all that much importance to, is perhaps the icing on the cake. Samsung phones pretty much outshine everyone in the looks department, and this one is no exception!

The battery provides a fair amount of talktime as well, which was a concern when I first bought the phone. There are a few negatives, as you'd expect in any budget-priced phone decked with high-end features. The internal memory is limited to 10 MB, which is a bummer. The phone comes without a memory card or a USB cable, which have to be separately purchased. It isn't Wi-Fi enabled, which, if it were, would've meant free Internet usage in the hostel. The most disappointing negative to this handset has been the discovery that I can't play games or use any other applications with the Music Player in the background.

But at Rs. 4550, it's a STEAL! A devilishly sexy( a compliment which I MYSELF have never received) handset with a brilliant music player, stylish display, finger-friendly keypad, Bluetooth and a quality camera will hardly ever cost less than this! I've already got my hands on a 1GB memory card, and am expecting the USB cable to arrive at my house hopefully by the weekend! I'm over the moon, and hope that this set will last well into my earning days! It's the best deal I could've hoped for!

Musings of a Deranged Mind

The past 3 weeks of college life have taught me a myriad of life lessons and harsh truths. A host of experiences the likes of which I'd expected to some extent, but not so soon. The college has proven to be worth the wait, but a lot of other issues cloud my judgement of it at the moment. The faculty is unimpressive, with only a handful of teachers who truly seem to be earning their wages as of now. From reports I hear, these standards don't tend to improve, but rather degrade as you enter into the succeeding years. The concept of total spoonfeeding has been lost, but a fair bit still exists in the first year, which distresses me. The entire advantage of the college academic experience is the work you put in for self-improvement, and the freedom to set your own study pace and pattern. It seems in the first year, as of now at least, that freedom is partially curtailed.

Many, especially those who know  very little about the college itself, suspect that MEC has a school-like atmosphere. Granted, the uniforms and the slightly-strict leave policies give that impression, even to me at this point where every part of the college still seems strange and unknown : yet, life in the 2nd year and onwards, seems a lot brighter and upbeat. Ragging details I can only mention in the 2nd year, and not publicly through any such medium, as there are eyes and ears everywhere watching and listening to everything I do or say at the moment. Now I know how contestants on those crappy reality shows feel!

Opportunities to participate in various Arts fests, on the surface, seem to be limited in this institution. Yet, hopefully the chances I do get, I shall exploit well. I've been drafted into one of the five houses participating in the intra-college arts and sports events : the PIRATES, of black and green, notably one of the rowdiest of houses at the moment. The houses we represent may change over the coming years, but perhaps being a PIRATE will be a blessing in disguise : I can only speculate, and hope it does turn out to be so in the coming days!

With all the complexities of college left behing, I'm hoping to enjoy the few days of freedom I have at home. It's going to be a tough year, and I'm going to need all the strength and luck in the world to come out of it unchanged. By the grace of God, the tyranny might end on a happy note five months down the line. Until then, however, I might as well make hay while the sun shines! 

Updates from MEC

This post comes to you from within Computer-Centre 2 here at MEC. Hostel life for the past 2 days has been fine, and a welcome change from the montony of days gone by. With more to do for myself than usual, the freedom and independence is sort of liberating. Washing clothes is still a drag, but I havent washed my uniforms yet, only my "personal" items!

As far as ragging is concerned, no real untoward incidents have yet occured, though I presume they might in a while : even though we were told on the day of admission that MEC is free of such problems! It's a fact of life in almost every government hostel, and as far is it remains healthy, it is to an extent, beneficial, as it is the only manner in which seniors and juniors ever get to interact or know each other. It is, after all, a bit much to imagine 2nd or 3rd years to befriend 1st years from the outset without knowing a damn bit about them, and the same applies vice versa.

My two room-mates, Nikhil and Sebin, seem to be good guys : at least we seem to share a few of the same interests (Nikhil's a Chelsea fan....hehe....in my world, they seem hard to find!). Nikhil's from Guruvayoor, a P.C. Thomas product, whereas Sebin's from Changanasheri. Access to Orkut is blocked at the College Computer Centres, Yahoo Messenger is non-existent, and Facebook profiles take an eternity to load, so my only contact with my friends back home might be the "outdated" practice of e-mailing once in a while! Orkutting may resume at a rate of 2-3 times a month once I discover the nearest cyber cafe! I also plan to change my mobile soon, and get a BSNL connection, as it seems to be the only provider having decent coverage in this rural part of town!

Classes are moving at a monotonous pace : most subjects haven't yet been touched, and the endless introductions make 7 hours at college seem like an eternity. Hopefully, once teaching begins in earnest, and assignments and portions our thrust our way, the monotony will dissipate.

Homesickness hasn't yet gripped me, but I will return to Trivandrum on the night of the 7th if all goes to plan! A week before is also a possibility, but until then, nothing seems likely.

Au 'Voir for now, but keep in touch!

Red-Letter Day

Titling my posts nowadays seems a chore I have little patience for, so pardon the obscure heading. I played the role of a host to a party for 10 of my best friends at my house yesterday. Of course, farewell parties here don't mean quite the same as elsewhere : rather than the one leaving (ME) being treated to a send-off, I basically had to sponsor the festivities. No complaints, however, since it's something i don't often do. Given that my home is so far away from everyone else's , inviting them over had always been difficult, which is why next to none knew the actual route! Having planned the meet in a rush of madness while away at Pathanamthitta, I had barely 2 days to prepare for the party.

The guest list was finalized and 13 boys were short-listed, since I couldn't afford to host any more all at once! I didn't invite any girls for 3 prime reasons : a) I am friends with a few, not many, hence I doubt that many would have accepted the invitation. b) Being pretty far from their homes, their coming was unlikely anyways. c) Finally, as I've seen on many occasions in the past, when girls and boys, at least from my school, meet up in equal or significant numbers, they tend not to mingle. My hands, hence, seemed tied. It's only fair to me I suppose : I've never been that open to too many girls, and hence I have very few to truly claim as friends. To those who weren't invited, regardless of the gender, I apologize, and u can give me an earful the next time we meet!

I picked up my friends from Vattiyoorkavu at 12-30, most of them having arrived by 2-wheelers, adjusted uncomfortably to seat 3 together. After leaving them in charge of my house for a while to pick up the food, I rejoined them and chatted till Mom sounded the lunch call. My parents were delighted to be hosting my friends, a privilege I'd denied them for years thanks to our location! With Ajay, Hrithwyk and Renjin unable to attend, only 10 could appear at my house in the end, two of whom, were fasting as the month of Ramzan is upon us. That left me with food for 15, but only about 11 mouths to feed. The food was good, only furthering my opinion of the highly under-rated Amer Restaurant situated near Vattiyoorkavu Jn. After a feast consisting of porottas, fried rice, chilly chicken, beef fry, aloo methi, salad, and fish cutlet, of which the last 3 were home-made, we settled down for some desert in the form of caramel custard. Another couple of hours passed by as Akram was kept busy with intermittent calls and the rest of us chatted away about our respective colleges and branches, films, music, cars and bikes, and a variety of other issues. The terrible twosome(or dynamic duo : depending on your point of view), Najad and Nashad joined us after lunch. As my friends began to leave eventually at around 4-15, Adi,Nash,Akram, Najad and I headed to Jacob's house straight afterwards, as he'd been scheduled to leave for Karunya Institute the same night. Another half an hour passed by there chatting away about his hostel experiences and the San Thomites he has for company (not the cream of the crop by any means).

It was a very satisfying day, personally, and a nice way to round off one part of my life. Not because I'm willing to let them fade away from my memory, but rather because it makes the pain of separation all that more easy to bear. After all these years, I know that there are a handful of people who still care enough to bear me.....hehe.....I know this sounds a bit silly, but no matter how good a friend you are or try to be, it's always comforting to be reminded that the feeling is truly mutual in some cases. Farewell, my friends!

Carnage knows no limit!

Such posts, I realize, have begun to sound far too run-of-the-mill in the passing years, and though some bloggers would rather avoid such posts in the fear of boring their readership to death, I have my own resons for doing them, which I shall reveal later on in this same post!

A series of 5 serial blasts have rocked India's capital New Delhi, claiming 20 lives and injuring another 90 civilians in the process, according to current data : the figures, as you can perceive, are bound to change in the next 48 hours as several of the injured battle for life in various ICUs across the city.

I have gone to great lengths in previous posts to outline exactly how I feel about such mindless carnage, but the world seems intent on making me repeat myself : so I choose to focus on a parallel issue of the same ilk ! India is fast becoming a soft target for terrorism, and bomb blasts in metros no longer draw shock. After every such cowardly act, people in the media praise the population of the affected city for carrying on with their daily lives with utmost normalcy, and for "striking a firm blow to the miscreants looking to disrupt our daily patterns". Mumbai, in that regard, appears to be home to the country's most courageous people, followed closely by places such as Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Hyderabad, New Delhi and Varanasi. I have the deepest regard for people of these cities, but with all due respect, is it bravado that draws them back to their workplaces, or is it necessity?

The answer is simple : for 99.9% of this population, it is NEED! We simply cannot afford to live in fear in these competitive times. There is no alternative : living in fear in the sanctity of your home translates to hunger, and poverty! It's what drives everyday citizens in countries such as Afghanistan and Iraq to go on with their lives inspite of the frequent surges of violence. How do you expect India to be any different? I'll tell you what scares me most though : The fact that more and more people across the spectrum have come to ACCEPT it as a part of their daily lives. Yes, there is a need to restore normalcy as soon as possible after such meaningless acts of violence by fundamentalist psychopaths arrogant enough to believe that they read the Lord's intentions as clear as the night sky : but to be indifferent is to sacrifice our very humanity. The media is, to an extent, responsible for the growing apathy we observe among the masses. There are only so many times that a story can be recycled over and over again by an abundance of news channels before the viewer starts to lose interest. The outrage lasts only for a day, because the media itself is, for lack of a better term, ruthless, in its make-believe sympathy : delivering perhaps a couple of days of uninterrupted, repetitive coverage of an attack until the viewer is so disinterested that he'd prefer to watch an RGV Ki Aag for a second time......before moving on to stories of tiffs between film stars and UFO sightings and other inconsequential stories which seem to have greater appeal! No sincere follow-up is ever done : no detailing of the aftermath of these acts, no directives to the common man to help cope with such attacks, and identify miscreants who dare to plant bombs in broad daylight.

I write this post with a heavy heart. Not only has innocent blood been shed for the most illogical of reasons, but the soul of the country is itself perhaps withering away. The death-knell to my hopes was sounded by a political expert on one such channel, who dismissed the significance of this attack to the elections to be held in the city in 2 months' time, explaining simply : people have short memories. As part of the city reels under the after-shocks of the explosions, the other resumes its daily pattern, unaffected, and simply unconcerned!

I sincerely deny that I am a "holier than thou" sort of person. To an extent, the same apathy reflects in my own reaction to the blasts. My first concern remained the safety of my brother and my aunt living in the city : with their safety assured, the misery will probably fade within another 72 hours or so. Today, it seems terror fails to grip us unless it strikes DIRECTLY home, rather than close to it. Now, to why I really wrote this post : another 10 years down the line, when I would have a job, perhaps a family, and probably enough responsibilities to override any commitment I feel to my fellow man, I want to look back.......look back and see that there was a time when I DID care, there was a time when such incidents made my blood boil, and my heart race! I want to remember what it felt like to truly be human....My biggest fear, today and forever more, is to be swept up by the tide of indifference and inhumanity that's been gathering strength across the world with every passing year! You may call me an eternal pessimist or a "doomsday-prophesying maniac" for airing such views, but I'm only spelling out the misery and destruction I see all around me...only because I CARE to see, unlike many others! There is yet a fair deal of good in this world, but it is eroding fast, and will soon disappear completely, unless we introspect, and judge each other as harshly as our Lord himself would at the hour of judgement. I am no saint, but with the parents I have, I am obliged to be the best person I can be : and ten years down the line, I hope to still live up to that obligation!

Road Trip

I've only just returned from a 2-day visit to Pathanamthitta and Kozhencherry to meet my only surviving grandparent, and my uncle and family. The trip was an awesome learning experience, and the first time I'd had to spend only one of those tiresome travelling hours in the passenger seat. It was a refreshing experience, as I was able to test my endurance and concentration for the first time. Driving had been a pleasure to me for a long while, until a minor scrape near my home ended up deflating my confidence! Since then, my attitude towards driving has changed slightly : whether due to that particular incident or the loss of that feeling of novelty, I can't say. Going into the trip I had my share of self-doubt, but gladly, I surpassed my own expectations. I drove much for nearly 3/5ths of the way there, and brought us safely home after a 4-hr long drive today. My concentration didn't waiver : the music helped sustain that rhythm. My confidence grew with every passing minute, so much so that I dared to fool around every now and then (the old "look mommy, no hands", "what's the time?" and "tabla on the steering wheel" gags) to make the minutes passing by seem less monotonous or repetitive.

Having survived my own driving, I'm glad to say the confidence is back, and now firm enough to take on any challenges I face on city roads! Even though my license has been valid for more than a month, the practice I've had with my own Alto has made me far more self-assured and confident behind the wheel than before! Next Mission : To practise riding a 2-wheeler, which I hope to do in my first year of college, courtesy some of the friends I might make @ my hostel!

I've tentatively laid out plans for a farewell party to be held at my house for my friends. The guest list is ready, and almost everyone, I believe, is available. Having to leave on Tuesday evening, I've scheduled the party for Sunday afternoon : not only will it serve as an occasion to eat and chat for hours on end in a manner I may never again be able to, I'll also get them acquainted with my parents and allow them a rare tour of my home (not that it's an architectural marvel by any means.....it's rare due to its distance from the city!). I hope the plan comes to fruition, though many of the invitees are as yet unaware of key details(including whether or not they're invited!:D)......there is only so much I could accomplish after reaching home @ 9:30 pm. To whoever reads this blog (as if anyone ever does) and is bitterly disappointed at having missed the gathering (...yeah RITE! :D), I offer my deepest regrets : last-minute plans are seldom well-thought out!

If all goes as planned, I shall have a final lazy afternoon to cherish and preserve in my photographic folklore, before I attempt to essay a new era in my yet uncharted life in a new city!

A Musical Sojourn

Among the many changes that the last 2 years have so relentlessly induced in me, is the topic I address in this post! I began life in Std. XI with several motives : among them was to explore my own limits, and to test the waters in any and every possible way I could. Among those, was music. As a music addict, and a passionate bathroom singer (neighbours in 3 cities can attest to my prowess in that field!), I'd always had a hidden suspicion that perhaps, I had an iota of vocal ability. This notion of mine had barely ever been affirmed or encouraged by any of my family members, or even my friends(except for maybe a couple of occasions)....there had been hints along the way, but unassuring in nature. Regardless of my fears, I decided to follow that road, willing to accept whatever result it brought!

An Inter-House Group Song Audition, and a 1st prize later, I was performing in inter-schools around the city. Granted, that I was in a group, and in no ways solely responsible for their success, but I had my own indiviual success in the midst of it : For me personally, it was fulfilling to simply BE there....the rush, the thrill and the excitement I felt every time I stepped up before an audience was truly unbelievable. I am, by nature, slightly introvert, and always suspected that I had stage fright. Yet, being there always felt comfortable, and the roars, cheers and jeers of the crowd energized me to the same extent!

Though the vocalists with whom I performed changed, songs changed, and costumes changed, my partner-in-crime remained the same : Sidhartha was always known to me as a talented keyboardist, but this was the first time I could truly acknowledge it first-hand! Behind the scenes in every one of our rehearsals were hours of mindless jamming where we practised every song we could think up, except the one we actually had to perform! We used breaks in regular practice to play our favourite tunes : KK's songs dominated our charts, and Shaan and Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy featured one a couple of occasions.....it was one of those rare times when I felt truly unrestricted, and free to express myself! I felt liberated.....free of whatever boundaries I had drawn for myself in my mind, and perhaps it is this very emotion that calmed me down even seconds before moving up to the stage. More than fear of embarassment, it was the urge to feel the electricity in the atmosphere in the auditorium that consumed me!

"Aadat", a song by Jal which we performed for the farewell party organized for our senior batch at school, was perhaps one of the toughest and most rewarding experiences of my life. The initial few practices had been so frustrating, and nerve-wrecking, that the doubts which had crept into my mind while deciding the song, were only FURTHER embellished! As the days went by however, practices got easier, and we truly began to enjoy ourselves. Towards the end of our 5-day odd practice, we already felt aptly rewarded for our work, and the friendships that had seen us embark upon this challenge had only strengthened as a result! We pulled it off well, and Sidharth, my fellow vocalist and great friend, surprised one and all. Sid, in all honesty, I believe has a voice that I believe is far better than mine, and certainly with greater scope for improvement, given the right coaching.

Along with the minor successes came dreams of forming a TRUE band, with original compositions and self-styled vocals. Tentatively named "ALTITUDES", it hasn't ever truly passed the conception stage : you could argue why we even bother calling it a band! Perhaps it's only to soothe my ego, even I have no rational answer to that question : but in all honesty, I had every bit the band experience I'd have wanted from a professional one! Yes, we goofed off at times when we should've been more focussed, and perhaps we could've been in a better position today. Fame and fortune were never my aim, there was only a desire to create, if possible, an album that we could cherish as a treasured souvenir, to help us cope with the struggles of an often robotic and emotionless life! No doors have been shut yet, so the hope still burns.......if anything, I've only gained from the experience : valuable friendships and a potful of memories!

I fully realize that this post risks being labelled as the work of a self-indulgent ego-maniac (which I believe I'm not)! I cannot help but acknowledge those events and moments which have sculpted me into the being that I am.....and the "ALTITUDES" are foremost among them! I am, and, unfortunately, will probably always remain a slightly above-average singer! The years I've wasted in my childhood when I could've read the signs a little earlier and sought vocal coaching still haunt me! I have, however, come to accept that my life will remain incomplete without music, and so have vowed to learn to play the guitar and the harmonica well before I mark my grave! To have lived the dream of every urban youth in the country for 15 minutes, even in relative anonymity, is a gift for which I will remain thankful to the Lord for eternity!

Hail Manmohan!

The Indo-US Civilian Nuclear Agreement has attained a clean waiver from the NSG, with many in the country hailing the Prime Minister for sticking to his guns, and others labelling it as the surrender of our sovereignity! I don't claim to know all there is to know about the deal, but here's how much I've gathered so far :

The Nuclear Deal is set to enable trade in nuclear fuel between the US and India. Though the prime motive behind this deal is to ensure consistent fuel supply, there appears to be a difference in interpretation between the two governments with regard to testing. India does not wish to surrender its right to test, for namesake that it may need to in the future. FACT : A voluntary moratorium was signed after the tests in '98 by Prime Minister Vajpayee, seeing that no further tests were required : India had already the necessary expertise to generate nuclear weapons if the times called for such measures. It is this very same BJP that argues today that we need to maintain that right, which they'd chosen to voluntarily place on the backburner indefinitely. My simple question : WHY?? For a country that already has the required knowledge, and supports the cause of de-nuclearisation and disarmament, why would tests in the future be necessary, if not to make weapons even more sinister than the ones existing??? What crime would justify the kind of havoc that nuclear detonations wreaked on the towns of Hiroshima and Nagasaki 63 years ago? Has the world not come to its senses that weapons of such potential should never be considered an option, regardless the scenario? Even in the face of whatever hell Pakistan chooses to unleash in desperate bids at destabilising the country, would/should we EVER consider the nuclear solution?

FACT : The NSG Waiver enables India to undertake nuclear commerce with the US, as well as other suppliers such as France and Russia, to create a stable supply to our generators! Regardless of whether the US opts to cut off supply IN THE EVENT of a NUCLEAR TEST, commerce can still be continued with other nations, if independent deals with them are negotiated! India has a very limited deposit of Uranium, and hence, internal supply in itself, cannot be sustained for long!

The naysayers to the deal make the following claims :

1) Nuclear Energy, in China, accounts for 6% of the total energy output. Energy security can never be attained through it. ANSWER : Aiming to increase our capacity in one alternative source of energy is better than none at all. 6% of India's energy need is still a significant amount, and will give India the kind of cushion required to develop other, still cleaner sources.

2) India's sovereign foreign policy has been compromised. ANSWER : The 123 Agreement does not mention an immediate cease to fuel supply in case India conducts a test, but states that the decision will be discussed over a period of a year, taking into consideration the circumstances that may cause India to take such a drastic step. As a test seems unlikely, even this clause may never truly come to bear significance!

Let us consider the rammifications of this deal on the political scenario of the country. The Congress and the UPA have not garnered the trust of any vote-bank by this victory : the Nuclear Deal is low on the priorities of the common man. Over the past several months, it has given the Opposition a chance to criticize every aspect of its policies, an opportunity which they've accepted with open arms! What would the Congress have to GAIN by misleading the country? To me, the answer is clear. The past year has been little but a political charade on the part of the Opposition, attempting to crush the valour and spirit of the only true visionary left in the political establishment today! The Opposition has resolved to petty mud-slinging, calling the deal Anti-Indian for deceiving the nation, Anti-Aam Aadmi for ignoring the common man's plight in pursuit of the deal, and even Anti-Muslim for establishing nuclear trade with the US! The Opposition, being the minority in the House, represents neither of these three constituencies of which it speaks! The truth, is that the Prime Minister and the Government have gone against their better political instincts and backed a deal which they realised will benefit the nation in years to come, but might cost them the next General elections. They've dared to tread a path filled with persistent Opposition thorns, but persevered! The Prime Minister, particularly, deserves acclaim for the integrity and dignity with which he has held his post, even in the face of some truly despicable remarks from the Opposition about the devaluation of his post in the past 4 years! This deal will do a lot more good to our young democracy than bad! To you, Mr. Prime Minister......JOB WELL DONE!

An MECian, I'll Be !

The day has passed, when my future for the next 4 years was written in stone. I had my first formal glimpse inside the halls of Model Engineering College, Thrikkakara, on the 5th of September, 2008. Arriving at 9-30 a.m., we were greeted by a short speech by our Principal Prof. Suresh Kumar. He highlighted the many reasons why we should look forward to the coming 4 years of our lives, pointed out what makes MEC stand out among engineering colleges in Kerala, or even India. There have been several studies conducted by different magazines and independent media sources claiming that MEC is among the top 3 colleges in Kerala, a fact that our Principal gladly repeated to us! Following his speech, was a brief address by the student members of the Placement Cell of MEC. Our seniors spoke well, and to an extent, helped wipe away some of the doubts that had lingered at the back of my mind. Following the address, we were drawn away to separate classes based upon our respective branches, and then divided into 2 batches within each branch. The faculty seems hospitable, and the general atmosphere around the college seems very conducive to learning. Far from the strict school-like environment I had imagined, the college seemed to have a far brighter, energetic feel! The extra-curriculars in the campus seem promising as well, with a host of clubs to express your every talent. Their Technical Fest, in particular, I hear, is almost as good as IIT-Madras' 'Shaastra'! Such signs bode well for the coming years!

I realize that empty rhetoric comes naturally to the staff of most colleges on such occasions, and I know not to get overwhelmed by all that I've heard. Here, is what I know : MEC was set-up as a model for other govt. colleges in the state. Over the last 4 years, it's infrastructure has VASTLY improved, with nearly 4.5 Crores being spent in the process. It is funded by TEQIP, which means that these very facilities shall improve further as the years advance. Along with the boost in infrastructure, the placements have increased significantly. A majority of the best known software companies, home and abroad, have made an appearance @ the campus over the last 2 years. Yes, the college is smaller than most colleges in Trivandrum, and visually unimpressive, but statistics do not lie. It is the most sought-after government college in Ernakulam, and surprisingly, most students I met there had ambitions of joining MEC ever since they began studying in the 11th. A reputation of that sort isn't easily built. Of course, being a far newer college than others, the direction in which it moves depends greatly on the Principal and the management. But overall, in my estimation, the POTENTIAL for growth of MEC is unmatched by any other college in Kerala! It has come a long way in a very short span of time, and God willing, should soldier on forward!

Yes, at the moment, I could imagine myself being in 'n' different colleges, but as yet, I haven't been given any reason to believe that a B.Tech degree from MEC would do anything other than add value and belief to an as-yet fledgling career. Inspite of how good/bad the faculty turns out to be, a little extra effort will ensure that I get to talk to the companies I need and intend to!