The Blue Horizon Beyond Dark Clouds

This phase of my life has been one of the most inexplicable of my life. The past month( though it hasn't quite seemed that short) has borne a myriad of experiences which might possibly have a telling effect on my distant future. Though not all is worth revealing on a public space such as this, some of it is. The first, and obviously most disheartening outcome over the last month has been the crashing and burning of a few last-minute 4th allotment CET-CS placement hopes. Though I'd had no such illusions at the time of joining MEC, perhaps the talk around me raised my hopes to a level where they never deserved to be. In either case, disappointment is part of the many setbacks I've learnt to take in my stride, for they only make me yearn to do more and to be more!

Secondly, although it's been only a month into college life, I haven't seen any true indications that I'll fall in love with this college in the coming years. Although this year is probably a lot harder than the years to come, there is a slightly suffocating atmosphere about the campus, beyond just the uniforms and strict teaching, that bothers me. I can imagine that the hostel seems the only refuge for most of my seniors( though I don't truly know them all that well). Hostel life, as of now at least, has proven to be a wholesome experience. I've learnt a fair bit through the day-in and day-out of self-care, without a parent or relative to fend for you. Though I've been relying a fair bit on my kind Uncle living close by for weekend getaways and uniform washing, other transitions have gone about fairly smoothly, and God willing, in another few weeks, I shall be independent in every respect : a notion I've been craving after ever since joining MH. I can't accept that I've enjoyed every second, but I can see 3 years of incredible fun ahead if things stay the same!

On the positive side, a few good friends and a lot of fun with fellow fresher hostelites has helped oveshadow some of the negative vibes I've been having about college life. The next four years will be a challenge for me at this rate, but as always, I remain upbeat......the same sort of psychotic childishness in my character( that I'm proud to portray) will help me in the darkest of times. No degree of confusion or anxiety will ever quench my zest to live life while I can. I never want to grow up...and I pray that I never do. My belief in myself, my future and my God remains : as long as all 3 persist, little can harm me! As was intended by the title, there may forever remain ominous clouds of doubt blocking out the blue sky, but it remains there, even when hidden, ever-available to those who wish to peer through the haze and see it. I may sound delusional, but if delusion is the true source of mental and spiritual happiness, I wanna subscribe to it!