The Search Continues

It seems like an endless pursuit : the quest to make peace with the choices I've made in my life! The moment hasn't yet arrived when I can discard all the baggage of the past and start to move on. I've tried several times, but the circumstances and recent events just fail to give me any leeway to do so. Let's face it : I'm not enjoying college to the extent I thought I would be. There are a myriad of reasons why that is, and not all of them can be discussed. I've tried to deny it all along, hoping within my heart of hearts, that smiling in the darkness would usher in the light, but it hasn't yielded any results.

It's quite obvious that among the foremost reasons I haven't been enjoying college to the extent I should be is the fact that I miss my family and friends back home. Yes, I realize that I sound like a wimp when I say this, but I do. The college, in itself, hasn't helped. The overtly school-like atmosphere that prevails over the campus during the first year is truly irritating. At a time when I felt I would be celebrating the greatest degree of freedom I would ever truly experience, I've been tied down to moulds of the past. The spoon-feeding (and I mean SPOON-FEEDING) by the faculty has left a bad taste in my mouth. Though some seniors have assured me that much of this negativity in the minds of most freshers changes or disappears completely in the second year and beyond, I'm not entirely convinced. This acute difficulty in accepting what others say stems from the very knowledge that different people view scenarios differently : a fact that I've learnt the hard way.

For the time being, my sole focus remains to solidify bases from which to grow friendships with classmates, and to fare respectably well in my academics. All other thoughts have been blown away due to the sense of boredom and inactivity that plagues my mind at the moment. I feel boxed in at times, wanting to scream out at the first sight of gap in the walls of my imaginary prison! My sole comfort at this time remain the few friends I've made among my fellow hostelers and my classmates. They've brought a smile to my face every now and then to dissipate the grouchy moods that I tend to slip into now and again. It's a paradox I've never encountered before, and hopefully, one I won't have to for much longer.

To the concerned few who may read my rare ramblings in this blog now and again, I'd like to re-assure them that much of what I say reflects a temporary state of mind, and that looking at the broader picture is often, but not always my mantra. During the Christmas holidays, I hope to publish a few pending posts, including pics and events of the recent past, which I can do only from the comfort of home. Yet, for having read this insane post, I thank you for showing that concern, and bid adieu till I next get the liberty to speak at such length about life @ MEC!