An Honour Indeed??

It's been brought to my attention that the school , apparently due to a dearth of contributions to its annual publication. the school magazine("Bhavana"....hehehe...), has chosen to browse through student blogs, hoping for juicy material to consider as articles! This is among the many blogs that has come under the scanner, and though not all that was read would have pleased the teachers who scouted this domain out, it appears that 1 article has caught their eye.......the blog post titled "An Emotional Void........." has been chosen to feature in this year's school magazine! Regardless to say, I've got mixed feelings about this "honour"........though it is gratifying( and fuel for my expanding ego.....hehehe) to be noticed for something of this sort, it is at the same time a bit....ummm..... revealing(and perhaps a bit...umm...exploitative?? ) for such a personal post to be published in a school magazine! Were it an article on a public event, or a tragedy of the magnitude of the recent spate of violence in Kenya and Pakistan, it would not have raised any alarm bells......But for something as personal as that post, written in the most informal of language to be published, raises doubts in my mind. Needless to say, though I've given them the go-ahead, and not raised my concerns yet, I guess these doubts will be addressed only once copies of the school magazine pass into everyone's hands!

"I Open at the Close"

Yes, I know I've shamelessly ripped off a line from a text worshipped by so many readers around the world, but nothing else seemed to fit the bill quite so well! The day draws near, and my emotions never cease to amaze me! What is it about February 8th that keeps drawing my attention to blogging? Simply what it represents, an end of an era.....the end of innocence....the end of simplicity! The world awaits just beyond the gates of the classroom. It is harsh, challenging, and uncompromising, often denying rewards even to those who truly merit them! Everything I've experienced, everything I've learnt, about myself, about others, about friendship,trust,relationships, and honesty, will come under intense scrutiny!

Is it daunting? Undoubtedly....It scares some, and excites others, yet there is no denying the magnitude of this moment! It is often said that friendships are never more loyal, trust never so easily gained, and honesty never so common a virtue, as in one's fledgeling school life. Though I pray each day for these to be merely whisperings of the lonely and the utterly depressed, I've learnt enough not to succumb to wishful thinking!

February 8th will be a landmark day! Some will remember it for the number of elderly feet they touched, hoping to seek the blessings of the faculty that had toiled hard for their education. Regardless of their merits and flaws, one cannot deny that these individuals have never given less than their all to guide and enlighten us( though with varying degrees of success), and that deserves not only our respect, but also our gratitude. Dedication is a rare virtue, and though I most likely won't touch the feet of all my teachers(past and present), I doubt if I'll be able to leave without a creaking back! ........Some will remember it for the joy of our final school evaluation....though the marks may notbe flattering, the incredible relief of washing our hands off our pre-boards will be incomparable!......Some will remember it for the hours(literally) they'd spent preparing for their last class photo! Though I can't honestly deny that I'd wash my face at least 4-5 times and have several glances at the mirror, and do almost anything in my power to alter my distinctly un-photogenic nature..(hehehe....c'mon, Its only HUMAN nature to be narcissistic!! )! Yet, I'd hope none of these would overshadow what I'd really want to celebrate this day as!

What I, personally, would want for Farewell, would be a nice, noisy, raucous celebration! For one last time, I'd like to see this batch raise hell(in a non-destructive manner...hehehe)...milk the last moments for what they are worth! Try, in any and every possible way, to create moments that we could treasure for eternity! Seek the company of our close friends, reach out to those with whom we've had meaningless tiffs and minor quarrels, speak from our hearts and not hide our true thoughts and feelings for fear of ridicule! I'd like to see an entertainment programme that would truly entertain(unlike the farewell bash we'd thrown for our seniors)....for all senior-junior squabbles to be settled by one quiet(or noisy) show of respect for an outgoing batch of teary-eyed kids, soon to step into a world of unknown possibilities(and dangers)! Even a haplessly dull programme would not irk me, granted the efforts behind them remain true and honest! Would I like to sing in that programme?---HELL YES, that's not even a debate....I could see no better way of rounding off the year than by performing one last time in front of my batch, regardless of how it turns out....I may not be the most popular, and I'll accept that, but each one of them is still popular with me!SOLO?..No, unless you gave each talented singer in our batch a solo...I'd like nothing more than to perform in the same company that I have for the last 2 years, for I've enjoyed every single moment!..............

It would perhaps be the easiest way to heal the deep scars that my heart will surely bear for a few days to come. But it's only after you close your heart to your beloved existence at this stage, that you learn to open your heart to welcome in others later on!

The Sun Settles on the Horizon (Part 2)

With the incidents of half an hour ago still fresh in my mind, I felt reluctant to go ahead with our practice for the thoroughly unprepared performance we were to deliver in about half an hour's time.....yet, I felt that perhaps a distraction would be welcome, as it would drive away the negative vibes that this day had unfortunately generated. My greatest fear, at that point, was that the events earlier would perhaps convince some of my friends to boycott the special assembly which we would be conducting for 14 young mentally challenged kids who would be arriving as special guests to our school, in the hope of sharing in our Christmas joy! But thankfully, by then, the anger had faded away to a great extent, and though for some, it was replaced by a sense of apathy towards the school, any change in mood at all only seemed favourable at that stage!.......

The assembly rolled on, and after our young guests performed on stage for the crowd, I was glad that they were treated to warm applause! The anger had clearly ebbed away! With that said, we stepped up to our mikes to dole out our last(and least prepared) performance in STCS! Just standing there gave me enough joy to last a lifetime.......the reaction no longer mattered! The song was "eventful" to say the least! In between, Kichchan grabbed the mike and seemingly refused to let go......forcing Sidharth to walk over and share my mike, causing a ripple of laughter among some of the audience! Overall, the reaction was mixed, while some said we performed very well, others blamed the mikes(which used to be our excuse all of last year!) and said nothing could be heard clearly, and the music critics in the crowd agreed that we umm...."SUCKED"!....Whatever the reaction, I was just happy to have the opportunity to sing in front of my friends for 1 last time.....nothing else ever mattered!

The last 3 periods breezed by with laughter and cheer, the occasional song, the "We Will Rock You" chant(which has been an STCS anthem since i joined in 6th)......and whateva other disturbances we could create! I made a short trip in between to 8-D, to give the kids I'd had to boss around as a prefect all year a well-deserved treat! But it was only once the final bell rang that the realization truly dawned on us....School was over!....and from that moment on, the emotions flew unchecked and unbound! WE chanted and shouted till our throats ran dry! WE shouted for our friends, we shouted for our class, for our school, our teachers, for everything that had defined our lives for so many years! Seeing Vishnu sobbing uncontrollably only re-inforced the magnitude of this moment! Every student whose eyes met mine seemed to be on the verge of tears! It was joy, ecstacy, sadness and agony all at the same time! We jumped, howled, laughed, cried and resorted to every ANIMALISTIC means of displaying our pent-up emotions! I lost track of how many hugs I shared with my friends, and how many times I said the words "Love you da","Take Care" and "I'll Never Forget You".........damnit, my eyes well up with tears even now as I blog about it!

If you ask me to be honest, then NO, my batch wasn't perfect! We had our flaws and our shortcomings---perhaps we weren't as loyal to the school as we ought to have been, perhaps we were a bit instinctive at times, and let emotions judge our reactions,......we weren't the most disciplined, perhaps not even the brightest(for that can be judged only by our teachers).........but we were what we said we were, a group of straight-forward, honest, talented young people, who were just kids at heart and wanted nothing more than to enjoy each other's company and to give each other memories to cherish through eternity! Given a chance, I wouldn't wish to be part of any other batch, in any other school! I shall never forget the faces of these people I saw today......May their star shine forever brighter than the sun!

The Sun Settles on the Horizon (Part 1)

14 years of schooling came to a climax, quicker than I had ever imagined/hoped. The venue of so many past adventures, embarassments, and learning experiences, faded away for a final time! A school where I've spent 7 years, the better half of my as yet fledgeling life, closed its doors to me! It was an emotional day, an emotional week-----one that will be remembered for what it was, and what I felt (as I'm sure others would have too) it ought to have been.

The final week has been a chaotic affair. Record submissions, revisions and the threat of exams loomed large, yet distracting ourselves with the thought of our final week was easy enough. Try as they might, our teachers found it frustratingly difficult to draw and sustain our attention.....yet, without doubt, would have faced similar situations with previous batches. With emotions running so high, it was always going to be hard to pay any heed at all to the drudgery of revisions. Not surprisingly, most of our time in class was whiled away filling in slam books, chatting up a storm with the friends we would meet only on rare ocassions afterwards, and reminiscing in the glory of past memories! Nothing felt more appropriate than cherishing each moment that passed and recognizing its significance.

Though I wish I could hold my head aloft and declare that I had no regrets abt the past week, I can do no such thing without shredding my conscience, for the week ended far different from what I had envisioned! Minor squabbles, needless rumours and misunderstandings wreaked havoc, especially in my class, and friendships were strained. I felt a desperate urge to squeal out as events turned out in a nightmarish fashion, casting clouds of depression over the friends I cared so much for!.......and though the dust has settled and no real harm resulted, the atmosphere around the class was dampened without doubt!

The final day, it seemed, was the kind of anti-climax that the sickest of minds could not have predicted. A morning that began with mindless fun, dancing and laughter during the Christmas festivities, turned sour, as an uncanny(and perhaps slightly unintentional) disturbance darkened the mood significantly! George, who (perhaps for the 1st time in his life) appeared only a face among a raucous 12th crowd, was whacked hard on the arm thrice by a teacher(whose name I choose not to disclose), drawing gentle trickles of blood from the cuts rewarded by the stick! Though he shrugged it off asking for the incident to be ignored, angry voices raged around. Though I cannot claim to have seen the incident first-hand, yet the cuts on his hand were too deep to be ignored. I can say little more than that it was an incredibly insensitive act, given that he had done little(or nothing) to merit such punishment, and that a little leeway to a batch of students enjoying their last day in school was not TOO much to ask for! The situation grew grim, frustration brewed, calls for an apology turned to insane cries for suspension and the longer it continued, the worse my inhibitions grew abt the direction in which this would ultimately lead! Though this was an isolated event, it could've spiralled well out of control had calmer heads not prevailed! Yes, perhaps our reaction bordered on the EXTREME, but I can't claim that the reaction of the faculty was not equally hard-headed......had that teacher only apologized earlier(as I believe him to be quite nice by nature), the situation could've been diffused with a lot more ease.....as of now, the visit to the Principal's office was perhaps the best possible move in that situation....which is a reason why,honestly, I'm growing to respect Sir more and more!......Though action may/may not be taken, I think that issue is safely in the past(or at least, I hope)!........

An Emotional Void Consumes Me !!

The road to the future is filled with the sharpest turns, the steepest inclines, and largest potholes imaginable! The greatest step in the direction towards my future is stepping away from a place that has become my second home! Leaving school is proving to be one of the most emotionally challenging tasks I've ever faced........the countdown keeps ringing in my head! Barely a couple of weeks to go before school closes its doors, and even though we'll face a number of relentless exams that will draw us back to the campus regularly over the next 2 months, the experience will never be the same!

No longer will I be able to spend 6 hrs a day pretending to listen to lectures, cracking jokes with trustworthy friends, talking about anything and everything that does/doesn't matter.....and having the freedom to be myself! Yes, the uniform is an irritant, and the rules are a pain....but where else do u find friends who accept you for who u truly are??...Where else can u live through every embarassment and laugh them off whole-heartedly, secretly wishing for another embarassing experience, if only in the hope that u'd bring a smile to ur friends' faces?? Where else can you talk freely without prejudice or preconceived notions??....Where else is the gender divide this obscure and invisible??....

Even the rumoured "affairs" which you hated your friends for inventing out of thin air, now appear treasured memories, for on reflecting, not only were these actually funny, but unique! Where else will people care enough to make up "love" rumours just to get under your skin and have a laugh(without any ill intentions!)?? I can't help but smile when my teachers now scold me...for each time, the same thought resurfaces--"Who else would scold me with such pure intentions at heart?"--not my future employer for sure!! At the moment, I feel an emptiness inside me, so deep, that it drains me of all joy. It feels as if something is missing, some integral part of my life seems to be fading away, something remains unaccomplished in my school life.......AND it is this emotion that I find hard to understand, and which troubles my soul so deeply! If anything, it reminds me of how precious these friendships are.....these bonds of trust and companionship which have been forged over so many years, irreplaceable and priceless! Now more than ever, I feel fortunate to have the friends I do, and this is merely an outlet for that very gratitude!

After all the brooding is done, what can I do, but wave the clouds of despair and depression away, and for the few precious days remaining, enjoy the company of the GREATEST FRIENDS I'll EVER Have! To my readers, I wish this post to serve as a reminder of the uniqueness of your lives! Random events and daily incidents stick to your memory, if you only have the patience to pause from your routines and observe quitely.....the sheer joy and euphoria of your school friendships...and how each action, however insignificant, communicates so much more!! It may not be my SCHOOL that I will miss, for it is FAR from PERFECT, but everything that it brought to my fledgeling life.......companionship, camaraderie, enlightenment and spiritual growth ! With this, I bid adieu until my next blog post!