A Reason To Dream

It’s really astounding how movies have the power to mould your opinion, the power to give you hope, to make you experience love, joy, pain and suffering all in such equal measures within the space of an hour and a half. Most movies serve to stay in our minds only as long as their novelty doesn’t wear off. Yet there are a select few which stay in your mind and beg a revisit ever so often.

I watched “A Walk to Remember” again, probably for the third time, though I might have seen it about 4-5 times in small parts I guess. Romantic movies or romantic comedies don’t always fit into the top of my movie ratings, but when they’re done right, they usually tend to leave an impression. I’m guessing by this introduction that my opinion of this film has become quite apparent.

You might argue that the kind of bond that the 2 characters share in the movie is almost too good to be true. That the transformation of a rowdy arrogant and popular teen to a considerate, generous, thoughtful young man within not more than a few days is far-fetched if not entirely impossible. To some extent I could agree that perhaps the extent of their bond is slightly exaggerated, given that the movie world does not always mirror what we see in real life. It’s ridiculous to consider that ANY relationship could be as divine as portrayed in the movies. There are always ebbs and flows.

However, there are some things I do agree with. The fact that love forces you to change for the good, and that little else seems to matter much anymore. That sickness, even terminal, doesn’t change the way you feel or behave, but rather puts things in perspective, and only increases your desire to keep her happy for the rest of her life. And moving away from what the movie showed : the tendency to drift off into a daydream about her, all along experiencing an unearthly warmth in your heart that could possibly be the single greatest feeling known to man. The urge to pray for her with unwavering sincerity in their times of trouble, more than you do even for yourself in the darkest of times, and the conviction to let no harm fall upon her. How a single phone call/meeting seems to override everything else on your schedule for the day. Most importantly, the feeling that bringing a smile to that ONE person’s face would make your day, and at the end of your time, you’d know that at least one person‘s life in this world would‘ve been incomplete without you in it. My ideas on love are a strange combination of what I’ve seen, what I’ve felt, and what I believe. Whether what I’ve described is a crush, an infatuation or true love is a matter of conjecture, because I still can’t ascribe a word to it.

To me, personally, the concept of love itself is immortal. The pursuit of love and happiness go hand in hand, and it comes as naturally to us as the air we breathe. Growing up in this world is hard, and every year I find my own responsibilities and concerns bearing down harder upon my shoulders as the protective barrier of childhood slowly but surely evaporates with my foray into adulthood. The challenges, frustrations, trials and tribulations multiply, and I can only wonder how balanced my life will be once I’m a gainfully employed (God willing) tax paying citizen of this country. In the midst of all the chaos ahead, it’s comforting to believe that there is perhaps one person in that world outside whose companionship alone would make my mountains of worries seem like mole-hills. I believe because it makes me happy to think so. It makes my worries seem irrelevant. It bathes my entire outlook of life in rays of sunshine and hope. I believe life gives us more than one opportunity to find this person (whether deserved or not) who becomes a well of inner satisfaction for us, but it’s we who fail to often fail to recognize them in time. I pray everyday that I lift myself in the eyes of God by a fraction of an inch, hoping one day to have done enough to deserve the greatest gift that He can grant .

The World Through My Eyes

3 days away from the university exams, and a small window of opportunity presents itself. It’s raining outside, and the smell of the greenery surrounding the hostel embellished by the gentle kiss of rain drops is far too enticing to ignore. Hardly the most conducive environment for cramming equations into your head. The heart yearns to merely lay still, watching the heavens open up outside while soft music plays in the background. It’s one of those moments that bring to your mind how amazingly peaceful and satisfying it is to just pause your life for a minute to let your worries float away with the gentle breeze, your thoughts wandering to the world around you.

It’s hard to believe this very world that delights us in its natural beauty is at threat every single day. From potential nuclear conflicts in the near future in the war theatres of the Middle East, the Indian Subcontinent, and the Korean peninsula, to a world climate change summit at Copenhagen which may well decide the expiry period of our race on this earth. Progress seems to have brought with it equally frustrating worries to heap misery on our everyday lives! All of this, mind you, as ‘learned prophets’ look for signs of the coming apocalypse, deriving incredible meaning from the most ordinary incidents. Whether it be the Mayan calendar or the Christian Calendar, we all seem to believe that the future is beyond our control and hence, our responsibilities deemed void.

We as a race seem to have become so accustomed to news of conflict, strife, and so addicted to the thought of being eternally vulnerable to evils lurking outside our doors that we go to the lengths of believing in such absurd media-hyped tripe as “love jehad”. It seems that a monster must always lurk in the corner, even if it is of our own creation! It’s truly incredible how much we’re capable of : from feats of genius to moments of astounding stupidity, from years of preaching tolerance and ahimsa to decades of arrogance, an allergy to compromise and a penchant for war, from closing our minds to the possibility of knowing more than what our religion alone certifies suitable for us to shunning all belief in the Almighty altogether. There seems no limit, neither upper nor lower, to what the human race is capable of. But increasingly, it is the depth to which we can sink that has caused us so many nightmares as a society. The weight of being the most intelligent beings on the planet (and perhaps even the universe) seems to have taken its toll upon this race.

Sound pessimistic? The truth often does, because it is that ugly. But unlike those who merely shrug their shoulders and count the days until judgement is brought upon them, I choose to retain hope. I don’t see DOOMSDAY painted on every wall. I don’t see wars and massacres as inevitable. I believe that our issues can be resolved. I believe that Indo-Pak tension can ease, that the Middle East crisis can lead to an amicable resolution, that the rise of other superpowers including China and India can bring balance rather than further disorder to a world where the U.S. is seen as both the caring parent and the unruly dictator. I sustain this belief because I feel that we as a race are as capable of good as we are of evil. Every Hitler is followed by a Martin Luther King Jr., every Babar by an Akbar. Almost every conflict we observe today stems from decades if not centuries of hurt and suffering. Even amidst the crusades there were periods when peace reigned over Jerusalem when both Christians and Muslims were granted rights to worship in the Holy Land. Decades of dictatorship and open massacres ended in the 90s with the 1 moment of reason and sanity on the part of Mikhail Gorbachev that ended the erratic Soviet rule and gave freedom to the people chalk out their own borders. With human history itself bearing witness to our ability to see reason when pushed to the crossroads, why should it be considered foolhardy to nurture hope?

Return to Blogging Ways and Exam Fever

This post officially marks my umpteenth return to the good ol' days where i documented each memorable day of mine in overstated and exaggerated language. I've said this many times before I guess, but I truly miss my blog at times when I stay apart from it. My blogging frequency still depends a lot on my state of mind, and perhaps that's why it'll never grow to prominence quite the way I'd hoped. Regardless, I guess it makes my blog no less significant in my mind.

Quick Update : As S3 university exams near, the tension is growing. I feel surprisingly relaxed, though I fear that may be due to a slight case of overconfidence. To be completely honest, exams don't seem to bring about the same emotions in me as before. Yes, to some extent, stress is inevitable, but it no longer seems to have the same gravity. I'm not too worried about this development, because I feel I'm finally living by my own philosophy that exams are neither the be-all nor end-all of life. Though this country may promote them as so, they never should be. Exams in India, as is too commonly known to be repeated or justified in detail, test only one's bookish knowledge. One's performance in them depends on one's memory and one's luck as much or if not more than one's understanding of the subject. Yes, these grades are a criterion for judgement, yet, I'd rather obtain average mark with at least a minimal understanding of what I learn than merely work beyond my limits to acquire a grade that reflects nothing of what I've understood!

My mother often says that as I've grown up, I've developed a tendency to accept mediocrity. That I'm too easily satisfied, or too easily discouraged to perform better. My view is slightly different though. I feel that as I've grown, I've learnt to appreciate my effort more than the eventual result it achieves. We may believe in the primacy of effort and desire or will above the end result ; we may pretend that participation is more important than winning, but very few of us believe it in our own hearts. Please note that this doesn't mean one should appear for an exam with little or no preparation just for the sake of writing it. Instead, what I practice is to do my best to prepare for any exam, as well as I believe I can, and leave the end result to God. If I'm satisfied with the work I've put in before any exam, why should the end result make a difference? It sounds very much like a loser's attitude, or a crutch to fall back on, and perhaps I would've agreed with you a few years ago, but now I CAN'T see it any other way! Perhaps I may stutter here or there, but in all probability, if personal satisfaction is the goal I achieve prior to every exam, then the marks would logically follow in queue. I know it seems arrogant that I reject my mother's assessment and design my own philosophy to justify not re-adjusting my habits/lifestyle, but it's not something I believe for convenience as much as a basis for my own life. I see every opportunity ahead of me,academic or extra-curricular, with enthusiasm, regardless of whether or not it fits into my scheme of things or my mental image of myself. If the effort remains unwavering, results can never be far away.

That being said, I must admit I have been far more lazy in my approach to these exams than I can afford. Buckling down and working my socks is I guess the only option ahead of me. My exams shall carry on from the 18th of November to the 1st of December, so I suppose a small delay is expected till my next update. This domain just feels like home again!

Until the exam tide weakens and passes on..........I bid adieu!

A Commitment to Myself

I come to this domain once again with a heavy heart and a flurry of thoughts crossing my mind with every passing second. I realize now that more often than not, confusion, anxiety or grief prove the driving force for me to unleash myself upon this website, in the vain hope that merely writing about my problems and hurts shall make them go away. In all honesty. though the burden does lighten, no issue can so easily be resolved. If that were indeed the case, life would never be quite as challenging.

I write once again of a personal problem. Not usually the kind I discuss publicly, since it is immensely personal, but I feel I must, else this cloud of depression shall never lift from above me. The true purpose of this post shall hopefully be clear by the end of it.

The past often tends to trick us. Boyhood memories and long-standing friendships often help us to paint far rosier pictures of our future than that which destiny has drawn out for us. The world is not as simple as it appears, and perhaps that is why I feel disillusioned to a certain extent with the one I face today.

A vital connection from the past has begun to fade away. The strongest bonds of friendship and more are formed probably when we ourselves are too young and naive to give in to our all-too-human nature of lies, manipulation and deceipt. There is no conception of profit or loss, no priority to the end over the means. This is exactly why seeing this particular relationship fade away so suddenly and abruptly has shaken me. During my final year in school, it had counted among the handful of connections that I felt could and would probably last a lifetime. It is to these people who I accord a special status in my life : they are the ones I credit for having given me my dearest memories, or for having helped make me a better person. These are not people you meet every other day. Knowing just one is a gift, and any more a blessing! Losing them, no matter how quick or slow, is the worst curse one can endure! Transitioning from a naive teen to a responsible adult can often bring out the worst in men. But it's these link that help them maintain their innocence while growing into the roles they are expected to fill!

To this day, I have not regretted a single friendship I've made. I've looked back and wished that I'd been closer to some, but never wished to part from any. I feel I have this naive tendency to observe the best in someone much more easily than the bad, which is why some of the decisions and judgements I've made about others may perhaps have been unbalanced. Yet, I've been fortunate not to have had to question any of these judgements until now. The manner in which this particular connection withered away bears ominously in my mind. It ravages my self-esteem, devalues the worth of my friendship to others in my mind, and creates doubts about my own beliefs and attitude to life that I no longer wish to entertain. I've made every single attempt possible to revive it. Everything I thought I could and should've done, I did. Though I'd felt that we'd already borne the brunt of our troubles in a brief period during my school years and yet sailed through unscathed, perhaps that was my misconception! Perhaps our connection was never strong enough to make it through......Having worked so hard to revive it the first time, and having met with what I thought was success, could I perhaps have ignored the tell-tale signs that indicated quite the opposite? I know I've made mistakes in the past, but could this also be one of them? These thoughts are excruciatingly complex and far too uncomforting to ponder over. It makes me wonder if any other of my dearest friendships were based on lies I could not discern.......leading to a feeling of unwantedness and rejection that leaves me hollow!

Here lies the true reason behind this post. It is not meant to be very specific or a tabloid-like expose in nature. The person in question may never read this post, and I won't be advertising about it! After several attempts, I have, at last, given up hope! The door to this relationship has been locked and sealed away for now(perhaps though, not permanently), its memories still vivid in my head, but no longer as rosy as they once had been! This post is a commitment to myself : that whenever I feel the urge to break down those walls I've built for myself in this one case, I look back and realise the hurt I'd once felt! Even though doing so would defy every principle I've lived by, it is what I must do to move on. A commitment to myself is far harder to live up to than one made to others, for it requires great discipline and belief in one's own decisions! I cannot afford to reach out and build new bridges where the terrain will perhaps never be favourable to it. I refuse to spend my waking moments in such thoughts which question my very self-esteem, and draw tears when there should be none! I cannot let it alter my life or change the beliefs by which I've led it.....which it may if given the chance to permeate further into my mind! I will always see the good in people before the bad, yearn to be in everyone's good books, look for someone to whom I can bare my soul! I have always yearned to stay consistent to who I am even as the years go by : but even though I shall never regret any of the decisions I've made, my heart is too weary to continue to foster unrealistic ambitions about oft-strained connections. While some bonds shall remain true, others shall cruelly fade into dust. To expect any more of life would be insanity!

Jack of All Trades, Master of One?

After several months of hibernation, the blogger in me has awoken again. A lazy Sunday morning is perhaps the best time I can get to let my thoughts wander the breadth of the universe with reckless abandon. It's been a year of several ups and downs for me personally. A time to reflect on the decisions I've made so far, and the choices I still face before me. To some extent, I suspect this is as much a part of embracing adulthood as the act of celebrating your 19th birthday, signifying that your teen years are now behind you.

On reflection, a lot of the decisions I've made so far seem to have been thought out, and yet, predictable. My life seems to have been shaped by a frightening sense of "destiny". Personally, I have always ridiculed that very concept, for I don't believe that anyone's future is set in stone. Only cowards too weak to realize the power and responsibilities they possess would hide behind such pretexts for comfort. Every once in a while I tend to drift off into this chain of thought that begs the question, " Why am I here? Is this really where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do? Does my true future lie elsewhere?". Often I can answer none of these irritatingly vague questions, but that still doesn't mean they disappear!

Perhaps the source of this frustration tends from the fact that my 1st year of college, at least in professional terms, has been a complete waste of precious time. Precious little value has been added to my yet-to-be-sripted resume inspite of the several months of long, taxing classes.

Could I perhaps have made a mistake in joining the Science stream in the first place? Would Humanities and a subsequent degree in mass communication and PG in journalism have been the way to go? Primarily, besides my dual interest in Science and literature, the lure of CHOICE drew me to Science. My options would be far greater post a B. Tech degree, than say a B.A. I could go for an M.Tech/MS if my field truly evoked the best of my intellect, and also choose to defect to PG in Journo, or in the worst-case scenario, to an MBA. This diversity helped make my decision a lot easier. Once into the Science stream, choosing my preferred B.Tech degree was never going to be a hard task, simply because I possessed neither the aptitude, nor the interest, to pursue anything besides Comp Sci. Yet, the mind keeps whirring and whirring like an endless freight train. My all-too-wise-from-personal-experience brother had warned me about the inadequacy of syllabus, but the sheer irrelevance of what I studied in comparison to what I hoped to study in the 1st year caught me off guard I suppose!

Though the reasons for my decisions may be well-founded even in my own eyes, the irony that I've steered clear of roads less travelled seems to drive into me like a sharp needle! I always imagined myself to be independent-thinking and stubbornly unmovable about my vision for my own future. But could it be that for like so many before me, this very spirit of individuality has been diluted by the realities of life, and a crisis of self-confidence? Have I chosen the safer path out of fear or out of conviction?

To an outsider, it may perhaps seem obvious that I've "sold out" to life, but I remain unconvinced. Perhaps after my 2nd year of college draws to a close, I shall understand precisely why I chose the path that I did. Everyone wishes to stand out of a crowd, to be different, to excel and to pioneer, but perhaps my future may not truly lie there. Perhaps my future lies exactly where I'd seen it when I'd set out to finally make my own decisions. Not as the Air Force pilot, TV news anchor, or Astronomer that I'd aspired to become a decade ago, but more along the line I've followed thus far! For a person with varied interests, a career need not be the summation of all his interests : the rest may remain as hobbies evoking equal passion. As the title of this post indicates, perhaps that is where my "destiny" truly lies! I still cannot guarantee what this future may seem like 3-4 years down the line, but that's for God to know, and a mystery for me to unravel with patience, sincerity and above all, an unwavering sense of self-belief.

A Grand Spectacle

Technopreneur 2009 was a momentous occasion, and one of the first true instances where my chest swelled with pride at being an MECian. From its conception, to its planning, to its final execution, the event was a mammoth success. The day was an eventful one. A very lively and active presentation on technology, in particular wireless technology, and its future role in expanding our horizons was delivered by Mr. Anand Parthasarthy. Being the first speaker of the day, his engaging talk was a promising start to what would prove to be a day filled with eye-opening exchanges. Mr. Parthasarthy was then replaced on the dias by Mr. Manoj Das, editor of the Indian Express, Kochi edition, who spoke on the Freedom of the Media, and its role in shaping democracy in the twenty-first century. Given the topic, the chance to hear Mr. Das' views on the subject was priceless, but what was even more engaging was the question-answer round that followed. With the subject being of such mass appeal, the audience came alive, asking questions which arose from a sound understanding of current issues. Certain questions were so perfectly framed, that even Mr. Das had trouble answering them. One such question, notably, was asked by an ex-MECian, regarding the leanings of most printhouses today towards any one particular political party or ideology inspite of their claims of providing fair and unbiased reports of daily occurings around the world! The exchange proved to be healthy and extremely thought-provoking, and the smiles of the organizing team showed that visions of an unbelievably succesful event had begun to possess their minds barely a few hours into it.

Following these active discussions, Mr. Kalol Borah, an entrepreneur himself, spoke about Entrepreneurship in India, its Scope and the keys to becoming a successful entrepreneur. Unlike most of the audience, I had attended a similar seminar(albeit an exasperating 4-HOUR LONG ONE) at Excel 09, held by Tej Arora of Smartcrowds fame. As most of the content between these two seminars seemed identical to me, my interest level waned, and the general enthusiasm of the crowd too, seemed to dip. Although several of my fellow classmates and all appreciated his talk and stated that he appeared very knowledgeable and wise during the 30-odd minutes that he spoke, I could hardly notice as my mind was not there. Following Mr. Borah, the star of the event and the most anticipated speaker of the day, Mr. Sarath Babu, took the dias. The audience welcomed him with thunderous applause, and a unanimous standing ovation, the first of its kind of the day, signifying that they too, recognized the calibre of the man who was about to speak before them. Recalling his journey from selling home-made idlis on the streets of Chennai to IIM-A and to establishing Foodking, and his recent foray into politics, he captured the audience's imagination. His English was rusty, indicative of the background from which he'd struggled to the top, but it only endeared him more to the audience. His awe-inspiring determination and will to succeed, along with his good natured smile won him more than 1200 fans within 10 minutes of his 40-min lecture. He spoke of the challenges he faced during his school life, his risky dance with death as a teen, his embarassment at his poverty when he entered the halls of IIM-A, and a variety of other life experiences which spoke volumes about the depth of his character. The audience interaction round, more than just a simple question and answer round, turned into an expression of collective admiration, as several students and teachers alike raised their hands not only to clarify doubts, but to express gratitude to Mr.Babu for gracing the occasion and achieving in 40 mins the impact that the organisers had hoped to gain at the end of the entire day!

The buffet lunch that followed was well worth the wait. There were ample servings of chicken, mutton, beef, fish, veg curries, fried rice and rotis to go around. For many of those who had come from other colleges to this event, the discount buffet had been the major attraction. Even if the speakers had failed to deliver, a good lunch would have still sent most home with no regrets. Thankfully, the cooks of the Gokulam Park Hotel didn't disappoint. It was a sumptuous feast and I ate till my stomach threatened to burst at it seams, and then gobbled down 2-3 helpings of vanilla ice-cream for good measure before returning to the seminar hall. The post-lunch session featured a debate on Youth Politics. Though Mr. Ritabrata Banerjee, a prominent SFI leader failed to arrive, there were other capable speakers to fill his place. The debate was informative, and overall nicely done, but the rebuttal session in which the crowd got into the act turned into a straight out dog-fight between Ms. Deepti Mary Varghese, a reputed Youth Congress leader, and SFI supporters and politically aware youth among the audience. The battle was intense, and at times I felt great pity for Ms. Deepti, for the absence of Mr. Banerjee had left her the lone representative of a political party on the dias, with students' contempt of the political class clearly evident. It was also amusing to an extent, but there were a few good intellectual questions asked among the unnecessary heckling from ideologically motivated members of the audience.

The evening was closed out by a brief summary of the Chandrayaan Mission by Dr. K. Radhakrishnan, Director of the VSSC. Under most circumstances, this lecture would have been among the greatest crowd-pullers, and would certainly have received top billing in my book. Disappointingly though, Dr. Radhakrishnan proved to be not quite as eloquent as his counterparts, and the lecture became a rather tedious, prolonged affair that failed to grab the attention of any section of the audience. The lecture was too detailed, and the presentation too dry to merit any interest or audience response. Of course, the fact that most of us had over-eaten and were now sitting in plus padded chairs in an air conditioned hall did nothing to help stifle the yawns. While some declared their boredom openly by leaning back and dozing off, others like me tried to distract ourselves with a bit of conversation or a text message : anything, essentially, to avoid nodding off which would perhaps be insultin to the speaker.

With the final lecture of the day having been given, Technopreneur 2009 drew to a close. After a vote of thanks acknowledging the efforts of everyone involved in the planning and execution of the event, the audience dispersed, some rushing to railway stations and buses to make their way home before nightfall, and others like us, back home, to reflect on what was a true spectacle, and to speculate about the headaches we shall encounter when Technopreneur 2010 comes around!

The Toil Behind The Glamour

Technopreneur 2009, held at Gokulam Park Hotel on Jan 31st, turned out to be one of the most prestigious events ever to be conducted by our college! The build-up to the event was nerve-wrecking. The anticipation was greatly heightened by the line-up of speakers that had been announced, and the number of cities to which our seniors had travelled to publicise the event. Days prior to the event, I myself had travelled back to Trivandrum on a jam-packed day, faced with the hectic task of visiting three colleges, GEC Barton Hill, CET, and LBS and meeting with their student representatives to confirm the final list of students seeking passes to the event, and the requisite amounts of money! In a single day, we travelled about 450-500 kilometres : by train, by bus and on foot. A packet of biscuits, a paltry lunch, and a bottle of Aquafina were all the nourishment we could achieve that day. It was demanding, and physically exhausting, yet the satisfaction of having collected an approximate of Rs. 20000(the correct figure escapes my memory) in a single day for our cause was limitless!

The day before the event, we were forced to cut class on Friday to deal with last-minute crises that had hit the preparations for the event. Though our seniors had ensured almost all aspects were taken care of well ahead of time, handouts remained a troubling issue. The nightmare scenario which we desperately wished to avoid was to present these great speakers to an audience which had very little clue of their stature and had no means to find out! On Thursday night, about 8-10 of us worked from about 9-30 in the night uptil about 2-30 in the morning in the MH with hardly a break in between, sorting out the several stacks of handouts that had arrived from the printing press, but remained unsorted. The next morning, with a stronger work-force, we headed to the printing presses with the boxes of sorted handouts to make further additions to each of those handouts and finally proceed with binding. Though about 1200 had so far booked their tickets to the event, another 200 were expected to register on the spot, which is why the target set before us was a staggering 1400 handouts to be assembled and spiral bound in the space of a single day. Chaos soon broke out due to confusion in the order of pages and shortage of certain pages. Our own efforts lagged as a result, and by mid-day, the task seemed fruitless. But we dug in, and worked tirelessly, breaking only for a brief lunch. We toiled from around 9 am till closing time at the printers' at 6 pm. In the end, thanks to our refusal to quit, we managed to succesfully 1342 handout booklets.

The efforts that we ourselves had to put in truly pale in comparison to the incredible amount of time, money and energy that our seniors had put in to organize the entire event. Our energies were drained while managing only a minor fraction of the overall event, but our seniors excelled at managing every aspect of an event that was, in terms of scale, to use a less eloquent terminology, "Technopreneur 2008 ka BAAP". Transport, food, accomodation, hall, guest reception, college-to-college canvassing, collection, flyers and posters, websites, blogs, advertisments.....you name it, and they've dealt with it! The pinnacle of efficiency that any student body can desire when undertaking the organisation of such a gargantuan event with little ground support from the college. They are the true icons I look up to, for they are proof of what you can absorb and gain from these 4 years besides the simple B.Tech degree.

Technopreneur 2009 Teaser

Ripples '09

January 8,9 and 10th : These days were among the first few in my college during which I felt a vibe of uncontrolled, pulsating energy flowing through the halls. Our college arts festival, named "Ripples", kicked off on the 8th of January. Amid all the furore over the results and the controversies and allegations over the wisdom and impartiality of the judges, I started to understand why so many had recommended this college to me!

With the college being divided into Houses, similar to the old model at school, open participation was replaced by house-wise selection, following which alone one could take part in any of the smorgasboard of events. I, myself, was slated to participate in 3 events, on behalf of my house, the Pirates. The first, Gaanamela, was a unique event in terms of its magnitude. In the simplest of terms, Gaanamela saw each House receive 20 minutes to showcase their members' musical talents in as few or many songs as they can manage to pull off within the specified time. Our band chose to perform 4 songs, "Nenjukkul Peididhum", "Ennavale", "Sajna Di Vari Vari", and "Duur", the last of which, I was chosen to sing. Given the late stage at which I joined the band, my song choice was made with the time constraint in mind. I had a niggling fear that Duur would see the end of my aim of singing at future versions of Ripples, as, simply put, I thought the song didn't suit my voice! Given my lack of practice time due to relentless practice for the other events, my faith in my vocal abilities never found solid ground. Eventually, on the day itself, as I hit my first note slightly wrong and adjusted quickly throughout the rest of the song, I felt disheartened. My lack of practice had clearly shown, and even though I was on-pitch throughout the song, problems with the instrument mikes distracted my mind in between the performance, and ultimately left me with a bitter taste in my mouth for not having come even close to my own expectations. Admittedly, the response to my vocals ranged from "OK" to "Superb", suggesting maybe I hadn't done as bad a job as I felt, but my disappointment hasn't yet waned, for I still feel that given a bit more practise, and a little better luck with the instrument mikes, I could've sung with a lot more vigour and confidence than I actually did. Unfortunately for our band, the mixing problems which felped ruin my own song went on to decimate our chances by ruining every other song of ours as well, in particular, our instrumental masterpiece, "Sajna di Vari Vari", feat 6 instruments, which had sounded brilliant during practice. A disappointing 4th place was all that could be achieved.

The second event, on the same day as Gaanamela, was Nostalgia : A group dance performed in a dated fashion in the backdrop of a pre-90's dance track. While all other Houses chose old Hindi songs for their theme, we chose an old Tamil song to shake a leg to. Practice was hectic, and the amount of money poured in to help us out was mind-boggling. 5-6 days of practise was all I had, but that proved sufficient in the end. My confidence, though at rock bottom initially as I'd never even AUDITIONED for a group dance on stage before, began to grow slowly, and by the final 2 days of practice, was higher than I could've ever hoped. Our performance on stage was lauded, and it seemed the fruits of our several hours of practice were beginning to pay off, as the crowd deemed us favourites. I, myself, managed to recollect and perform my steps seamlessly(to my great shock), and inspite of a small slip due to the loose carpetting, my overall performance was satisfactory to me thanks to a quick recovery. Unfortunately for us, the judges found our costumes unattractive, even though one couldn't imagine anything other than a "baniyan" and "mundu" for the song we'd chosen, and our dance, to them, seem too "folk". As a result of these absurd complaints, we were relegated to 3rd place.

The final event, Western Dance, was the showpiece of the final day. Having been pulled into the group only 3 nights before the event, it proved a tall order for me. Combined with Nostalgia, we'd practised relentlessly almost every night, sometimes uptil 2 am. The practices were held at times at the MH, and at times at a 2nd yr, Lakshmi chechi's house, quite far away from our own MH. The practices were exhausting and physically demanding, to the extent that some skin on the toe of my left foot peeled off in the process, forcing me to bandage it till the final performance. Having worked hard to memorize my Western steps in just 2 nights and adjust my timing to perform in sync with the group, tragedy nearly struck as I sprained my back while practising just a few hours before the event. Gulping down a painkiller tablet, I managed to rejoin practise after a rest and subdue the pain enough to be confident of my chances on stage. Being body-painted in scary colours from the waist up, was a new experience for me, and one I doubt I'll forget for a long time to come. On stage, excitement and fear reached out to me in the same breath, but I held my nerve, and did my bit almost to perfection(or at least, as best as I possibly could have), until a small, perhaps not easily noticeable error in the handling of a prop at the end killed my joy and sapped me of my confidence. Tense moments followed, but the announcement that we'd be sharing 1st place was gratefully welcomed.

Over the week or so in which I'd been made to shed a lot of sweat and tears in preparation for these 3 days, I faced exhaustion,anxiety and fatigue as perhaps never before. But truly, in that one week, I enjoyed college life more than ever in the previous 4 months. It was refreshing, and a welcome change from the trappings of the classroom. Seeing the commitment of the many seniors who formed the core of the house was also endearing indeed! Finally, a House felt like something I WANTED to belong to, rather than an unnecessary label. Inspite of the many controversies that surrounded this year's event with respect to the judging and organisation, the urge to broaden my horizons and try my hand at a far greater number of events the next year has already set in. It's an anticipation that keeps growing in my heart, and should reach fever-pitch this time next year. Videos and pictures of the event should appear on this blog in a short while, but for now, my hands are tied! Let's hope Ripples '10 goes much much further in terms of competition, skill and entertainment!

BOLO PIRATES KI JAI!!!

Rewinding to the Holocaust

The subject of this post, I assume, is made very clear by the title. Recent events in the Middle East have brought back vivid memories of a time when a race of people endured the worst form of torture and persecution in mankind's history. The only difference between the events of 70 years ago and the previous 2 weeks, are that the victims have turned the aggressors.

The vile and despicable military action undertaken by the Israeli regime over the past 2 weeks serves as a reminder to people across the world, especially us in India, that harbouring feelings of vengeance can yield unimaginable havoc! Any kid on the street could tell you that a war in which the deaths of only a handful of Israelis is countered by the massacre of a thousand Palestinians is little short of genocide! The term "overly-aggressive" hardly suffices. With the highest population density of any region in the world, Israel knew that collateral damage and civilian casualties could never be contained if a ground offensive were launched in Gaza. The military leadership was either too stupid or too indifferent to care! The latter theory makes greater sense to me. What confounds me even more is the extent to which the United States can back Israel, even as it commits such atrocities! The U.N. Security Council makes the right noises, but its words fall on deaf ears, and yet, Israel is not evicted from the U.N. or punished for grossly disrespecting its orders! Other countries around the world, with the exception of a few, remain mute spectators. Palestine is left alone, and the Gazans have no hand to reach out to for aid! They live in abject poverty, their livelihood and economy crippled by the economic blockades imposed by Israel and the rest of the world. Without basic healthcare, sanitation and reeling under near-famine due to an acute scarcity of food, their suffering is unlike that of any race currently existing! A lead sky envelopes their present and their future, and yet the world does little but watch!

Post the 26-11 attacks, statements emerged from Israel saying that both India and Israel are bonded in grief, both victims of a remorseless and resilient terror! That assessment could not be further than the truth. India is a nation built on the foundation of non-violence and non-alignment. We have never played the part of the aggressor in any of the wars in our past, and have never sought to annex our neighbours, even though some of them now export terrorists by the dozen across our borders. The same though, cannot be said of Israel.

As my frustration at this collective failure of human conscience grows, a friend's summary of the events of the past 2 weeks gives me a fresh new perspective : "You believe in a God who is always non-violent and peace-loving and who is "goody-good", but some wars, and some conflicts, are justified even by God. Though he doesn't promote violence between his creations, God does consider some causes to be worth the bloodshed. This hatred and conflict between the Palestinians (or Phillistines) and the Israelites dates back more than 2000 years, as is said in the Bible. The treatment meted out to the Palestinians today by Israel is no different from that which was borne by the Israelites when their land was first conquered! This is no atrocity, it is only a case of Hamas using the pick of its arsenal : the Kathyusha Rocket, and Israel its F-16s, to carry on a war that may never end! The ratio of casualties is irrelevant, only the act of war counts." This friend is by no means a devil. He is, by my interactions with him, a very likeable and good natured person and a fervent follower of his faith, but some of his views, particularly this one, truly shock me! There is no God of War, and if there were, then I'd rather turn atheist than bow down to his feet and sing his praises. No God justifies the killing of innocents at the behest of self-righteous political regimes weilding the staff of religion to rally support!

This chat, however informal it may have been, caused alarm bells to sound loud and clear in my head. This is not a religious dispute, and nor should be made out to be so! It is the cry of a people removed from their own land after the Jews sought an independent state, to seek refuge after the holocaust : It is a cry of desperation for a small state of Palestine, to be recognized by one and all and given its due place in world forums! Hamas is a terrorist organisation, and even though my sympathies for Israel have all but dissolved by now, Hamas shall never have my sympathies either. An organisation whose sole purpose of being is the destruction of Israel should be denied both the importance and the dignity that they seek. The world has no place for such narrow-minded people to be given the chance to air their views in public forums! Yet, the more the people of Palestine are pushed to the brink of complete genocide, the deeper the roots of fundamentalism will grow in the minds of the people, and so too will the support for Hamas multiply!

It's time for the world to realize the urgency required in dealing with the Middle East Peace Process. Half-hearted declarations of temporary ceasefires will not do. Citizens across the world may protest these massacres, but our governments remain inept and incapable of taking action!
The suffering of the people of Gaza cannot be allowed to continue, for they will only aid in the spread of extremism in the Muslim world and destroy all efforts to maintain peace and order around the world!