On reflection, a lot of the decisions I've made so far seem to have been thought out, and yet,
predictable. My life seems to have been shaped by a frightening sense of "destiny". Personally, I have always ridiculed that very concept, for I don't believe that anyone's future is set in stone. Only cowards too weak to realize the power and responsibilities they possess would hide behind such pretexts for comfort. Every once in a while I tend to drift off into this chain of thought that begs the question, " Why am I here? Is this really where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do? Does my true future lie elsewhere?". Often I can answer none of these irritatingly vague questions, but that still doesn't mean they disappear!Perhaps the source of this frustration tends from the fact that my 1st year of college, at least in professional terms, has been a complete waste of precious time. Precious little value has been added to my yet-to-be-sripted resume inspite of the several months of long, taxing classes.
Could I perhaps have made a mistake in joining the Science stream in the first place? Would Humanities and a subsequent degree in mass communication and PG in journalism have been the way to go? Primarily, besides my dual interest in Science and literature, the lure of CHOICE drew me to Science. My options would be far greater post a B. Tech degree, than say a B.A. I could go for an M.Tech/MS if my field truly evoked the best of my intellect, and also choose to defect to PG in Journo, or in the worst-case scenario, to an MBA. This diversity helped make my decision a lot easier. Once into the Science stream, choosing my preferred B.Tech degree was never going to be a hard task, simply because I possessed neither the aptitude, nor the interest, to pursue anything besides Comp Sci. Yet, the mind keeps whirring and whirring like an endless freight train. My all-too-wise-from-personal-experience brother had warned me about the inadequacy of syllabus, but the sheer irrelevance of what I studied in comparison to what I hoped to study in the 1st year caught me off guard I suppose!
Though the reasons for my decisions may be well-founded even in my own eyes, the irony that I've steered clear of roads less travelled seems to drive into me like a sharp needle! I always imagined myself to be independent-thinking and stubbornly unmovable about my vision for my own future. But could it be that for like so many before me, this very spirit of individuality has been diluted by the realities of life, and a crisis of self-confidence? Have I chosen the safer path out of fear or out of conviction?
To an outsider, it may perhaps seem obvious that I've "sold out" to life, but I remain unconvinced. Perhaps after my 2nd year of college draws to a close, I shall understand precisely why I chose the path that I did. Everyone wishes to stand out of a crowd, to be different, to excel and to pioneer, but perhaps my future may not truly lie there. Perhaps my future lies exactly where I'd seen it when I'd set out to finally make my own decisions. Not as the Air Force pilot, TV news anchor, or Astronomer that I'd aspired to become a decade ago, but more along the line I've followed thus far! For a person with varied interests, a career need not be the summation of all his interests : the rest may remain as hobbies evoking equal passion. As the title of this post indicates, perhaps that is where my "destiny" truly lies! I still cannot guarantee what this future may seem like 3-4 years down the line, but that's for God to know, and a mystery for me to unravel with patience, sincerity and above all, an unwavering sense of self-belief.
