Au Revoir

The STCS '08 batch re-union proved to be a mixed bag in terms of the final impact it had upon my daily routine and the boredom that seems to have gripped my very existence! About 35-40 of us who had been in town at the time chose to attend the get-together at Park Rajdhani, Ulloor for a not-so-quiet buffet lunch at Rs. 149 per head. From familiar faces to those whose faces took a while to register, the crowd was an ensemble of students of different intellects, popularity and interests. The lunch itself was fairly good. At the given price, it was certainly a grade better than the food at Sindhoor Park, the venue of a majority of our previous re-unions. My stomach, unfortunately, today could not seem to bear the same wear-and-tear in one sitting that it had managed to so often in the past. In between the chowing down, friendly chat and banter continued as usual. The occasional joke, the frequent comparisons of the lives of hostelers at colleges in different parts of the country, the "ragging" debates, kept the atmosphere vibrant.

In between and post-lunch, photo sessions raged on, with a camera in almost every hand. Though a fair few of my shots were spoiled to the unruly people I was attempting to photograph, a small minority turned out pretty well. After pigging out on multiple helpings of ice cream and gulab jamun, we retreated to the park behind the buffet area, resting in the shade, chairs lined up around a round table, making a racket at random intervals for no apparent reason, and taking potshots at each other in good humour.


I don't deny that I had my fair share of fun in the process, but perhaps, as an extension of the sombre mood that darkens my current outlook on life, the satisfaction was missing. Yes, I met some friends whose faces I'd never seen over the past 4-5 months. I'd had more than double the recommended 15 mins of laughter a day. Yet, there was an air of monotony about the experience. The concept, perhaps in my mind, has grown stale. Even though I enjoyed meeting them all once again, it in no way felt the same as school. Perhaps the disappointment of the cancellation of the original re-union plan had not washed away. Our farewell was originally planned as a massive function at Sri Mulam Club, Vazhuthacaud. There would be food, music, a stage, and basically every surplus requirement we would need to add an extra zing to the uninspiring re-unions of the past : a party, almost completely uncontrolled, and whose success depended upon only the guests that arrived! The idea stuck in my head and the countdown had been resounding in my head like a ticking time-bomb ever since I'd first heard it! Yet, inspite of the best-laid plans, the dream failed to culminate into even half the event I had imagined! The bus ride back home, thus ended in a complete failure to gather my thoughts. To be honest, I don't know what to make of how I felt about the day. Perhaps, with the growth of stronger relationships in my new world, a re-acquaintance with old friends may be more cherishable. It is only once you feel yoursef start to lose something that you cherish and value every effort that counters it! Maybe I still don't feel like I'm losing them! Or maybe the urge to move on feels too great to keep looking back, and the frequency of these re-unions only seems to drain away their utility and importance.

An Alumni meeting draws near, scheduled for the 10th of Jan. I don't know how enthusiastic I'll be to return as that day draws nearer, but for now, the thought of returning so soon is far from my mind! I may be the first to arrive, or may fail to show up entirely : my world is as confusing to me now as ever. In all probability, given the chance to meet a far wider spectrum of my batchmates, and to interact with some of the teachers who I still yearn to see again, my return is inevitable. Until that day, as the departure of the Chennai Mail lies 14 hours ahead, it's time to say "Au Revoir" to the town I love!

The Long and Winding Road

The past 10 days have breezed by leaving barely a trace. Needless to say, a lot remains to be said and done, and precious little of what I'd planned to do within the scope of 10 days has actually come to fruition. A deep sense of frustration lingers, and the heart longs to stay where I feel most comfortable. The transition from life at home to life at a hostel has proved far more challenging than I imagined. I still feel none of the attachment to my current place of residence as I imagined i would have it this stage. The heart, still, very much lies at home!

The fact that college life itself hasn't endeared itself to me all that much is particularly unnerving. Very few of the periods in the week actually manage to capture my interest, and several of them probably wouldn't ever command it, even if I were a picture of concentration! Perhaps my marks may reflect the very same attitude. Neither poor, nor outstanding by my estimation : indicative of a supreme lack of interest! My results will only start to trickle in once I return to college on the 29th, and needless to say, I'm not looking forward to that day. Although I feel I could get along with almost everyone in my class, I haven't yet felt that deep a bond with many in my new surroundings. A majority of them still seem like strangers to me, inspite of having talked to them and conversed on a variety of topics and on a number of occasions. There still remains that gray area in the back of mind which prevents me from completely submitting myself to a new relationship. It's bewildering : the urge and the drive to move on are very much in place, but the process fails before it can even begin!

People tell me that this phase is temporary ; that adjusting to a change of this magnitude requires as much patience as it does will. I sincerely hope they're right, for at the moment, the end doesn't seem very much in sight! My own self feels diminished, as if every time I speak and interact with anyone, it's a guarded and measured me whose voice is heard. I see myself retreating into a shell, one which I hope I could well break out of once the liberating air of freedom drifts into my aching lungs. Were I to travel back to a few months before the entrance, I doubt I'd see much resemblance between the person I was and the one I now am. The freedom to be me is what I seek, and yet, for some reason I feel devoid of it, and I know not due to what or whom. It's intensely suffocating, and just one among the reasons why I don't feel like leaving tomorrow. But my bags are packed, and my ticket booked. Eventualities seem to be the order of the day. For the moment, I seldom feel myself to be the master of my own destiny. The long and winding road leads on, my frail legs yielding to its incessant call!

A Touch of Heaven

Hariharan's most recent offering, a collection of ghazals released as an album titled 'Kaash', is truly a brilliant reflection of his vocal mastery. I came across the song "Jhoom Le" from this album during the show "In Memory", aired on NDTV : a musical tribute to the heroes of the 26/11 Mumbai terror attacks. Listening to him sing the song live was truly enchanting. Hariharan's soft, silky voice is very soothing, and the lyrics, in particular, of each of these songs, is superlative!
Ghazal fan or not, this song, and this album as a whole, is certainly worth a listen!

Click here to listen to a Youtube video of "Jhoom Le"

Glory to the New-born King...........

Christmas, and religion as a whole, have their beauty entwined in the different meanings that they bear for each individual. To those who have lost their near and dear in the several instances of violence over the past year, it is a day to help kick-start their healing process, that the wounds of the past no longer cloud their futures. To wide-eyed children, the pinnacle of innocence, it is just another annual celebration in a country whose yearly calendar is littered with them. Then there are those like me, who, staying away from home, use this time to catch up with friends and family alike, to cuddle up in the warm blanket of familiarity before returning to a still-foreign city. To some, the gifts and material value of the holiday bear more significance, while for others, the spirit of the occasion remains supreme in their hearts.


I read a wonderful article in the editorial section of the Hindu today, which forms part of the inspiration behind this post. The other inspirations include my own experiences as well as talks with Joel, a fellow hosteler with whom I tend to spend many hours discussing matters theological in nature. Christmas, to any Christian, is the celebration of the noblest sacrifice : the act of a father sacrificing the life of his only begotten son, to help reform and bring back to the fold, his beloved sheep who had strayed away from his flock. According to my faith, had this sacrifice not been made, the fate of you and I in the after-life would have been sealed long before either one of us could prove his worth to the Creator. "He sent me Christ, because he loved me before my eyes could see" : this, in the most concise manner, conveys the emotions that every Christian feels on this auspicious day. To allow a world of sinners to seek redemption, God sent his son Jesus, the very personification of a true child of God, in human form, that others may listen to him, see him, touch him, and hence, yearn to be like him, so that they, as He, could be assured of their place in the new Jerusalem. Yes, you can point out certain points where the Bible contradicts known science, but that is the case with every Holy Book. Whether you choose to accept it at face-value or argue with it until the day of reckoning arrives is your own choice, but for me, this much can never be questioned, because Christ was not the figment of anyone's imagination. His life was documented by thousands of individuals who could yield no possible gain from spreading lies. The propagation of the word of God was hindered in different parts of the world by different kings, and those who dared to be a part of it were cruelly prosecuted, yet the religion survives and prospers today because the word of God cannot be suppressed.

Though at times, the significance of the holiday may appear to be diluted by the growth of its commercial side, it is still as much relevant now as it was 2008 years ago. Regardless of one's faith, being a historical character, it cannot be argued that Christ was not only a Messiah for followers of the Christian faith, but also a role model for every human being on this Earth. During his short lifetime, he communicated the need for every individual to have his own personal connection with the Almighty. He spoke out against the Jewish clergy of the time, which, he believed, had corrupted the Abrahamic faith. He attacked the traders who used the House of God as a place of business. Sadly, a majority of our places of worship today seek to gain just as much financial revenue from their flock as the spiritual guidance they provide. Our faith in God should never depend on the teachings of bishops, mullahs, and pujaris, for very few truly understand and speak the word of God as he intends it. He was tempted by the same Satanic tendencies and urges which lead so many of us humans astray, yet his unshakeable faith in the Father in Heaven enabled him to rise above and rebuke them.

To leave the fate of such a loving, dutiful son in the hands of a swarm of sinners blinded by the temptations of Satan would seem unthinkable to us, yet God chose to make that sacrifice. His forgiveness and mercy knows no bounds. If we are to be worthy of his Love inspite of our several flaws, then the life of Jesus Christ, for all mankind, should be the measuring stick for our own journeys through life.

Christmas is an occasion to forget our worldly desires and ambitions and the headaches which accompany the task of achieving them. It is an occasion to celebrate our very own humanity, to celebrate the inner goodness in us which is otherwise overshadowed by our glaring flaws. It is a time to bestow upon all of humankind pure, naked love, comparable to that which the Messiah held in his heart for us the day he laid down his life on the cross! Through this incredible journey , we learnt how to live!

To one and all who may come across this blog, my heartfelt apologies that this post appears on this space so late on the night of the 25th of December. Having arrived home late from a trip to Kozhencherry, there could've been no other time! I hope you had a joyous Christmas, and wish that the coming year heralds even more memories to cherish than the one that will soon pass us by! May God bless us all!

" Hark! the herald angels sing

Glory to the new-born King!

Peace on earth and mercy mild,

God and sinners reconciled!

Joyful, all ye nations, rise,

Join the triumph of the skies;

With the angelic host proclaim

Christ is born in Bethlehem!

Hark! the herald angels sing

Glory to the new-born King! "

Small Town Boy

Back home since the 18th, it's a pleasure to be able to put my feet up on the same familiar stool as I blog about the significant(to me) additions to my ever-unfolding journey through life! I've discovered a fair few things about myself in my near 3-month stay at a hostel in an unknown city! Perhaps the best change that this experience has induced in me is an ability to adjust and relate to others in whatever circumstance. When placed in a group, I usually tend to connect only with those who share common interests or think along the same lines. My interactions with the hostel lot, though have become jovial and friendly irrespective of the obvious differences I have with some of them! Though the initial few days may have been awkward, it now seems as if I'd been living with my roommates for years. The initial insecurity has disappeared, replaced by a self-assuredness and confidence that would serve me well in years to come!


I've also learnt of one key element of my character : that, in my heart of hearts, I am a small town boy! Yes, it mite be too early to say, but undoubtedly, the madness of an always-on-the-move metro such as Ernakulam doesn't appeal to me. I prefer the small-town atmosphere of Thiruvananthapuram, where crossing the roads isn't a life-or-death decision, where buses aren't as crowded, where life isn't as hectic! The lifestyle, shopping and the general avenues of entertainment may be far better in Ernakulam, but the peaceful ambience of the capital earns more points with me on any day!

The going has been slow in terms of festivities : inspite of it being Christmas season, I for some reason, don't seem to be filled with the spirit at the moment. Having had to spend my first few days attempting to sort out the problems of my PC at home, undoubtedly, contributed to this lack of festive cheer! It seems my PC is a safe haven for the world's choiciest spywares, trojans and worms, all undetectable by AVG, apart from the fact that every version of Windows ends up becoming corrupt a few months after installation. I often wonder if these are merely complaints of the general public, or misfortunes that follow me around like a personal storm cloud, precipitating misery at will! Guess it's time to dig up those old carol cassettes to sprinkle a dash of Christmas joy!

The re-union on the 27th, it appears, has been cancelled due to a lack of participation, bringing my great anticipation crashing to its knees. It seems ever grand plan that every comes upon us is doomed for disaster, as if to think big is a crime! I sense the mood of gloom and quiet desperation is evident in my style of writing! Tomorrow, thankfully, promises a cricket match at the old SAP stadium, which should lift my spirits considerably! Meeting old friends once again on a cricket field ought to dig up happier memories from the past.

Tread Lightly !

A nation bays for blood as the memory of events 3 weeks ago linger on in the mind, igniting passions like never before. A newly-empowered media feeds off the public hunger for retribution, organizing shows and interviews with "expert" guests to analyse the road ahead, each pretending to be Prime-Minister-for-a-day!

While I respect the passions that have arisen among my countrymen post 26/11, a lingering fear at the back of my mind has grown into full-fledged panic : war cries can be heard from different corners, some subtle, and some hardly so! The aam aadmi may still consider bijli-sadak-paani to be of prime importance, as was evident from the results of recent assembly polls, but the intelligentsia which hold true power in this country, and whose voices are most loudly heard by a hard-of-hearing-bureaucracy, seem to have retribution firmly engraved in their minds.

Among the darkness, there is the need for voices of sanity to speak out as beacons of hope and change. Do not get swayed by the rhetoric of an increasingly reckless media and the ever-opportunistic political class. Our aims, and our demands, should remain clear, and beyond corruption! The focus of this administration, and of every other administration that follows, should be the overall security of its people : the rozi roti should not be separated from the need for protection against terrorist threats : both are equally important. Our coastlines are vulnerable, our police force poorly trained and ill-equipped, our borders porous, our intelligence agencies clueless and our citizens unaware : Internal security should remain the prime concern for our government at this juncture : to ensure that lapses of the sort that occurred in relation to the Mumbai attacks are never again repeated! Attacks will occur in the future, without doubt, for we live in a world of conflicting ideologies, where the values of tolerance and understanding grow increasingly scarce! Limiting their scope, and saving as many lives as possible, is, however, the duty and obligation of the ruling class.

The issue of Pakistan, and who truly is in control, is complex, and to be treated with care. What concerns me is the lacksadaisical manner in which the media, with expert panels featuring actors, singers, NGOs and CEOs, attempts to peek into the future to predict the nature of the response that will/should emerge from the government! Since when have these faces developed such vast skills in international diplomacy? They are entitled to their opinion, as is every citizen of this nation, but for them to pose as policy-makers in a media-concocted fantasy is simply ridiculous! From the chaiwallah down the street to your favourite barber, every citizen of this country feels he/she knows what must be done to solve this country's problems. But when the onus is upon them, the vast majority of them fail to come up with any coherent policy to bring about this "change" we seek : we speak from experience, because we HAVE elected a lot of these chaiwallahs to office, and bear the brunt of our folly today!

Exercising military force should NEVER....and I repeat... SHOULD NEVER come under consideration. To restrain from such brute force is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of maturity! In dark times, it is all-too-simple to propagate violence than to propagate peace. Our response must remain measured. Diplomatic pressure from different corners, economic sanctions, trade embargos will force the Pakistani government to tow the Indian line. This will ensure that the fledgeling government of Pakistan, regardless of the manner in which it was formed and the nature of elections conducted, remains relevant. The ISI and the Pakistan Army may be beyond the control of the Pakistani civillian government, but for India to discredit the authenticity and to undermine the authority of this government is to play into the hands of the Army. Air strikes against terrorist camps and installations may yield short-term gains, but ultimately, will only do our cause greater harm! The Taliban and Pashtuns which control much of Pakistan's Western Front, could possibly unite with the Army under the banner of "Pakistani nationalism". The Pakistan Army has shown in the past its overwhelming lust for power : should the democratic government of Pakistan be undermined domestically and internationally any further, the situation may yet arise once again! The Pakistan Army would then be able to focus on the Indian border, rather than being distracted by the losses incurred during its current internal battle with the militant tribes in the Western Areas. The Army would exercise every resource under its disposal, including nuclear arms, to ensure victory. A nuclear exchange is a conflict that the sub-continent, and the world at large cannot afford! Though we may prove victorious in the long haul, the loss of lives will be too great to allow any sense of jubilation! Let us not deploy our armed forces with the same sort of reckless abandon that has led America into the quagmire that is the Iraq War.

The deaths of innocents and of security personnel during those 3 horrific days affected every one of us, and with due respect to those who lost parents, children, friends and neighbours in the attacks, though their grief may be incomprehensible to people like me, to adopt an "eye-for-an-eye" approach would be devastating to world peace. A single misstep could send the region hurtling towards decades of instability! This is no time to give in to machoistic or jingoistic urges! It is a time to tread lightly, to absorb selectively the information we receive from the media, to separate the objective report from the emotional outcry that may or may not be truly honest, and develop informed opinions. This must not be our 9/11, but rather, our own, distinct 26/11, characterized by a measured and calculated response for the world to admire and emulate! Our increased significance in a multi-polar world bestows upon us an increased responsibility to promote harmony among the nations of the world, and it is a responsibility we CANNOT shirk!

26/11 - Anarchy Re-defined

It's been more than a week since the events that unfolded in the Maximum city shook the country. The tardiness in my response is regretted. Simply put, it's taken me the whole of these past 11 days to absorb the event in its entirety, the ramifications and the road ahead. The kind of enclosed world in which I currently reside, in my first year in college, obviously did not hasten my response. The wave of emotions that swept me with each passing moment made it especially difficult to gather my thoughts. Briefing anyone on the events that occurred isn't my purpose, for anyone with a radio or television in this country probably caught 72 hours of uninterrupted coverage and is tired of being reminded of the horrific scenes splashed across the front page of every newspaper.

It seems every time the city of my birth makes news, it does so for all the wrong reasons. A month and a half ago, it was an arrogant, gutless Raj Thackeray who drew deep wedges into the cosmopolitan fabric of Mumbai in a bid to garner political mileage. The frighteningly ruthless terror attacks only compounded the sense of misery I feel every time I reminisce about the city I grew up in, and the state it is in now.

The anger in the air is palpable. An urge to set things right with our democracy can be felt in the hearts of every mind. As citizens, while remembering the sacrifices of our valiant NSGs and policemen and giving them the honour due to them, our duty remains to utilize this as an opportunity to unite inspite of our petty differences in caste,creed,religion or ideology. The need for reform at every level is evident even to the layman. From the chaiwala around the corner, to our favourite filmstar, to the cash-rich CEO, everyone has his own set of ideas ; his own demands of the government on what must be done. The fierce passion that this attack has produced in the minds of our people should be channeled in constructive ways. Questions must be raised of the government in power. The media cannot be our only voice in a working democracy.

The ideals of democracy, rather than withering away, should be re-inforced by this attack. The government, should at every level, maintain its composure in relation to foreign affairs. Though the tendency remains to exercise the military option against our fair-weather friend across the border, the offer must never be placed on the table. A conflict between the only two nuclear-armed states of the sub-continent will beget only more violence, hatred and bloodshed which will benefit no-one other than the vile dogs perpetrating it from their hideouts along the Afghan-Pak border and in camps in POK. The democracy of Pakistan, freshly restored, is still a fledgeling in relation to ours, and hence must be pressured diplomatically rather than placed at gunpoint. It is common knowledge that the government of Pakistan is not the sole power centre in the country. Let us not doubt the will of the Pakistani people to nurture better relations with us. While I agree with the suspension of trade talks and CBM proposals until concrete action is taken by the government of Pakistan to aid in the investigation and arrest of the persons responsible for the attack, allowing the peace process in itself to die out should never be considered. The stability,safety and security of the region depends too heavily on the peaceful resolution of all outstanding issues between our two nations.

At the domestic front, the single most important that must be ingrained into the mind of every politician in this country, be they of the BJP,BSP,INC,Left or any other goddamn school of ideology, is ACCOUNTABILITY. Considering that nearly 1000 Indians have become victims of terror in 2008 alone, why doesn't it come as a shock that the name "SHIVRAJ PATIL" was still associated with the post of Home Minister ? Did he, during his tenure, do anything besides blame intelligence failures for every attack and after a few weeks, conveniently forget about the very "loopholes" he claimed existed ? Why did the message take that long to reach home : "You're a lame duck with no ideas. Kindly raise your useless bottom off of the Minister's chair!" ? Why is Narendra Modi not put in his place by the public of Gujarat, for defiling the name of the now late Hemant Karkare when it suited his political agenda? Where is the gutless coward who claims to represent the "Marathi Manoos", terrorizes North Indians and seeks bail the very day he's arrested for his so-called "heroics"? Why does that vile scum choose to remain silent?

Our anger should not be directed towards our democracy or towards the political class as a whole : it should be channeled against those politicians who remain ineffective in power, spread hate among the masses, or simply are past the expiry date to the extent where changing their own medical insurance plan seems their most RADICAL new idea. We need new blood, new ideas, and fresh commitment on the part of our leaders. We need to let our own concerns and issues, and vision for the future for this country be known through the ballot as well as through a general movement towards greater political awareness. Modernisation of our forces, better pay-checks to our men, greater security for ordinary citizens, and not merely for VVIPs, diplomatic efforts to stamp out bases across the border, sincere efforts to check radical elements within our own nation. Though we may admit it or not, our own society is proving to be a breeding ground for disillusionment and frustration among minority communities upon which terrorism thrives. The youth of this country, given the same commitment as that being shown by the drug-addicted, gun-toting bastards who held Mumbai hostage for 3 days, can bring about a sea change in our democracy. As an individual, my first priority is to register to vote. I plan to try that as soon as the December holidays approach, possibly resorting to online registration at Jaagore.com . Having just turned 18, voting in the present elections might not be possible, but I certainly will vote in every one of the elections that follow. Furthermore, in the future, whenever memorials are held for this event, or protest marches are organized on a large scale in my city, I'd be among the first to sign up. If I ever get to do so, I'd even like to organize such events and gatherings : any way in which I felt I could, I'd speak up for myself. I don't mean to preach or lecture, that others may develop a slightly heightened sense of respect for me than they do at present. I speak from the heart, just as nearly 1 lakh citizens did on a dark November night by lighting candles to serve as beacons of hope in a dark time. I don't care if these ideas sound pathetic and insignificant in the broader scale of things, but they would mean a lot to me as an individual. Unless we take collective responsibility for our failures, our tag of being a "thriving, living democracy" will never truly bear any meaning. Power rests with the people, to delegate it to whoever they chose.

It is a time for peace, unity, solidarity and a renewed commitment to learn from our lapses and reform ourselves and our government to meet the challenges of being a constant terror target. The events of 26/11 may either prove a watershed in the history of our still-growing democracy and our battle against the forces of extremism, or merely another link in a chain of events that will lead to the disintegration of our nation and its decline to a new definition of anarcy.